To think this woman was a cow?

[upsideyerelephant]

Just got back from Sainsbos and not happy.

My DS is right in the throes of the terrible twos. He's a normal toddler.

Anyway, I'd let him get out of the buggy and walk alongside for a bit. He then has meltdown over my refusal to let him climb into the freezer. Full on screaming, kicking, the lot. I pick him up and try to get him back in the buggy. At this point, I'm being kicked, bitten you name it. I'm doing my best but I was mainly focusing on stopping him from hurting himself.

Meanwhile I'm dimly aware that someone is standing beside me and has said something. I'm being screamed at by DS so didn't hear or answer.

This woman then shouts (after a wait of about three seconds)

"How am I supposed to get past, here?! Will you move!"

I then drag my still screaming DS across the aisle and she barges past, shoving my buggy into me with her trolly in the process.

She stomps off glaring at me.

I may have told her to grow up...

It was literally a three second wait. I wouldn't mind but she had a toddler in the trolley, who was of course being as good as gold.

AIBU to think she could've waited? I don't see what on earth I could've done?

Awful attitude from her, mums should stick together we all have 2 year old tantrums at some point! I would have rammed her back personally but I am slightly childish in my revenge

When did children having a meltdown become acceptable behaviour?
My two never did this and my two grandchildren don't either.
Learn to parent OP. You are clearly doing a poor job.

oh, fuck off, Esspee. No one has said that, and you know it.

Oh FFS another me and mine are so prefect, we're nearly, God.

You want to brag. Facebook is that way.

If you think a child who doesn't have a complete meltdown and bite his surrounding is perfect and the parents, you have very low standards.

No one has said a tantrum is good behaviour. But it's normal behaviour for a two year old. If the OP had said her child was 5 years old, the responses on here would have been completely different.

So just to clarify:

• if a child has a tantrum and you ignore it, people perceive you as being smug and an idiot for not wanting to stifle their creativity or other bullshit and so are BU
• if a child has a tantrum and you try to get them into the buggy to show them that they can't kick off and get their own way, then YABU
• if a child has a tantrum and you try to give them a snack you are bribing them and BU
• if a child has a tantrum and you try to entertain them you are probably accused of performance parenting, being inconvenient to others and therefore BU.
• if a child tantrums and you march them straight out the shop, you are teaching them that if they tantrum they get their own way and therefore ABU.

So can someone just let me know what we are supposed to do? I've tried reasoning with DS but just to give you an example of his level of comprehension, when I ask him what his name is his answer is "seaside" or "orange" so I'm not exactly confident he will understand a discussion around behaviour...

I had 4, they never did because I didn't let them

For fucks sake i thought the most ridiculous thing i read on mumsnet was someone who wouldnt parent in a way that would make her sleepdeprived ! Not sure if this one tops it !!

Sorry op some people are arseholes

@Esspee

Biancadelrioisback. Great post! Should be used in all lectures in Child Psychiatry!
My answer, in all humility, is you just do what you can in that particular situation. The OP was doing that, trying to get Toddler into a safe place in his buggy so she could manage him and keep clear of other people.

We all know our own children. The posts here from mums who had children who did not have tantrums then one who did show us that children are different even in the same environment (nearly the same environment). In in-takes for Autistic referrals, we would observe the child and parent as much as we could without intruding or making the mother feel watched. Our overwhelming reaction was one of admiration at how well mothers knew their children and how well-attuned to them they were.

You know your child. A tantrum is a nightmare to cope with and a child is quite likely to have one in a public place. Just do your best in that situation, keep the child safe, ignore nasty comments (difficult) and remember the tantrum will stop at some point, no matter how long it seems! I wouldn't use the "Do you want to swap your child for a good one?" trick. We have had an excellent reply which explains one situation in which this is a terribly cruel threat. We should be honest. If the child is older, I sometimes say I am sorry they feel sad. Sad not angry even though they look angry! I ask what would make them feel better. But this is an older child. You've given a brilliant answer about asking your son's name! He sounds great! I'd love to meet him! Obviously a child so young just has to be "managed" till it stops. By managed of course that means kept safe and allowed to finish off the mood without any encouragement. A very small child in arms will sometimes be soothed by singing and rocking but a strong child who can walk is quite different! He might need you to sit on the floor and hold him. I preferred to sit with my back against something like a wall and have the child on/between my legs sitting facing away but some of my colleagues said that gave the child too much to look at so they turned and had the child looking at the wall. I suppose I needed something to lean on! We have had head-banging children who need special help. But if this is a regular occurrence ask for help by being referred by your GP.
Don't feel overwhelmed. You are the expert on your child. You're the one who loves your child even if he/she is driving you nuts. They don't know why they are having a tantrum so why should you? They might be trying something out and we even think they might get quite scared of the row they can make and extent of their own ability to go crazy!

It doesn't go on for ever...... one day they are teenagers.....

No I don't have low standards. I have realistic standards. Have you never heard of terrible twos.
while you're standing there looking smug thinking 'Oh my little poppet would never behave like that'. Have you ever stopped to consider that you.do not know what is wrong with a child. Its small wonder women with little often become ill with PND.
Oh yes all of us can think of something to brag about out kids over. We've all get them 'The best kid in the world'. However a thread like this it isn't the place.

anxiousmotherof1.

"Didn't let them" either was plain lucky that they happened to be those toddlers who don't have tantrums, or - I fear - the children will grow up to need a lot of therapy after so much parental suppression and force of the parent's own will! The perfect "I am in charge, my children all behave perfectly" mother often has children who are suppressed and not aware until they are older of how unhappy they are. I have seen it among several families. Children who never do anything wrong, never break "the rules", do not pursue their own ideas, do not smile much, laugh much, or run around shouting happily. Children mummy has "made" into good children who are "not like those noisy brats" whose "bad parents" let them do what they liked. In other words, the "good parent "did not let them feel free enough to behave like children. When there is this strong rule of enforced "good behaviour" in a home, the children carry it everywhere inside them. They look at what other children do, in the school playground, at cubs etc. and they think how badly behaved those children are. It is easy to get them into a conversation about what the other children do and quickly they tell you how bad those children are. They are self-conscious and hope the adults notice how good they are. They seek approval.

Awwlookatmybabyspider. (love your name!). You sound like a healthy, loving, realistic mum to me! 😁

Well come on, Disorganised mum and Esspee. Where are you. Why don't you answer Bianca's question. Seeing as you're both experts.

Thanks Elle.

Awwlookatmybabyspider

Apparently well behaved children are either pot heads, or "they are boring, lacking in personality (and these days often brainwashed by screen time)".
and now grow up to need a lot of therapy after so much parental suppression

I honestly cannot be bothered with the discussion.

When it's the children who start to get attacked so nastily, I leave the charming posters entertain themselves with their insults and won't give them the benefit of a reply.

People so happy to believe that, explains a lot of the behaviour we can witness today (and the increase in child-free weddings and so on). There's an awful lot of anger and stress from the so-called cool parents though, I wonder why.

"When it's the children who start to get attacked so nastily, I leave the charming posters entertain themselves with their insults and won't give them the benefit of a reply. "

Yet you just did reply.

DS1 never tantrummed out of the house, DS2 still tantrums now at age 6. His school aren't overly concerned and think he'll grow out of it. Tantrums are NEVER tolerated yet still he does it. I brought both of them up the same so why the huge difference if it's all down to crap parenting?

MyGastIsFlabbered
I did reply, to clarify why I wouldn't bother getting drawn into such an argument and vile personal attacks against children.

Apparently well behaved children are either pot heads, or "they are boring, lacking in personality (and these days often brainwashed by screen time)"

Oh my god, you're really clutching at straws now. You know fine well no-one has said that, especially the pot-head bit.

I have a really well behaved 7yo child...she still had a few tantrums when she was a toddler.

@thedisorganisedmum

"I honestly cannot be bothered with the discussion. "

So you won't be back then? Shame, I'm still waiting to read about your guaranteed, fool-proof way to prevent tantrums.

Must be rather drafty up there on the moral high ground, you know, with your fur coat and nee knickers

@thedisorganisedmum I never once insulted your kids (or you), will you just answer the question instead of skirting around it?

Unless of course your kids never had a tantrum so you have absolutely no experience of trying to stop one mid flow? Or even see one building and try to stop it? Unless you are actually dealing with a hysterical, irrational toddler who can't yet form full sentences, how do you calmly explain that you won't tolerate the behaviour in a way they understand? Because at the moment I'm having to do one of the things I listed below and apparently I am always unreasonable.

lisamac28
I litterally copied and pasted the sentences , did not change a comma to them! (even with a bold fail)

The pot-head bit was in reference of an earlier comment from the OP (and a family involved with SS), the word pot-head was not used there.

The pot-head bit was in reference of an earlier comment from the OP (and a family involved with SS), the word pot-head was not used there

I know where the pot-head comment came from, I've read the full thread. No-one said well-behaved children are pot heads...show me it.

Honestly, child behaviour has a wide range of normal. It is perfectly normal for a child never to have a tantrum. It is perfectly normal for a child to have a tantrum. Parenting can't have total impact here. You can be the best toddler wrangler and have a child who still flips out sometimes. You can be a shit parent and have a child who never tantrums.

But if you have a child who has a tantrum, dealing with it properly is important. (And some random bloke telling them they'll be exchanged is not 'properly'.) There's nothing to say that the OP wasn't dealing with it appropriately.