To think this woman was a cow?

[upsideyerelephant]

Just got back from Sainsbos and not happy.

My DS is right in the throes of the terrible twos. He's a normal toddler.

Anyway, I'd let him get out of the buggy and walk alongside for a bit. He then has meltdown over my refusal to let him climb into the freezer. Full on screaming, kicking, the lot. I pick him up and try to get him back in the buggy. At this point, I'm being kicked, bitten you name it. I'm doing my best but I was mainly focusing on stopping him from hurting himself.

Meanwhile I'm dimly aware that someone is standing beside me and has said something. I'm being screamed at by DS so didn't hear or answer.

This woman then shouts (after a wait of about three seconds)

"How am I supposed to get past, here?! Will you move!"

I then drag my still screaming DS across the aisle and she barges past, shoving my buggy into me with her trolly in the process.

She stomps off glaring at me.

I may have told her to grow up...

It was literally a three second wait. I wouldn't mind but she had a toddler in the trolley, who was of course being as good as gold.

AIBU to think she could've waited? I don't see what on earth I could've done?

I certainly wouldn't have acted like that woman however avoiding or dealing with tantrums....

Where possible shop without DC, but if not an option. DC in a buggy or better still in the seat in the shopping trolley. Even if only doing a small shop. No, not allowed out. Safety reasons too. Might get hit by someone else's trolley.

Slipped up and let them walk so they tantrum? Speed is of the essence. Very quick swoop grab and manhandle them in. Knee in the middle, one arm across shoulders while the other arm fastens straps. Kicking? Sit on the legs or press your legs against their legs. Blow in their face. Very hard to yell when someone is blowing in your face.

Tantrums over dinner? Always strapped in high chair. Get a stable one so it can withstand rocking. Big fuss. Whip the plate away. Bung it by the sink and everyone else carries on eating and talking. Totally ignore tantrummer. DD would either get bored and shut up so she'd be offered her dinner again (or ask for it) or eventually fall asleep. When everyone has finished eating she gets down. Hungry later?Toast in highchair. Always in highchair.

Rarely needed to do this with DS so thought I'd cracked it... but DD was more keen to express herself!

not that this tantrums but - when one of the dc didn't eat I used the book method - sit opposite them waiting for them to eat - ignoring them & reading a book - :) & when at home & they are driving you nuts: make a cup of tea & drink it! if they are continue to drive you nuts ….make another! wisdom: its a bad day when you have microwaved the tea cup for the third time :)

Am I the only one honest enough to say I’d be pissed off with someone with or without a child getting in my way in the supermarket?!

It’s a shop. Go in, pick up your shit, pay and go home as quickly as you can manage. I don’t understand why it should be a fun learning experience.

Another top tip OP just be as classy as Kate Middleton and your kids will react to your ladylike grace by behaving.

Or maybe the BBC, ITV and British tabloids artfully cut away when the little prince and princess are having temper tantrums? Can't have people believing that the royals are human and no better than us can we? They might start wondering why we bother having them.

Also I do seem to remember some footage of prince George being a right little git in Australia. Or was it NZ?

Am I the only one honest enough to say I’d be pissed off with someone with or without a child getting in my way in the supermarket?!
Pissed off is fine, being rude isn't. And letting them out of the buggy isn't about it being a "fun learning experience", it's about the fact they've been in it for ages and you think it'll be good for them to stretch theiregs somewhere safe but where you won't be very long, or they're desperate for freedom and you naively trust their sweet face. Or you have the car/ no buggy and you think oh it'll be fine I don't need a trolley / they don't provide them.

DS didn't have the buggy yesterday, we were on the bus though. Brilliant all the way around the shops until he got overtired, the idea of telling the birthday fairy he wanted a toy instead of Mum just buying it got too much and he sat in the floor crying and shouting.

Now I can tell him that isn't acceptable, but he's small and tired. I can haul him up and drag him out but actually he's nearly 17 kg and I won't get too far. Or I can sit in the floor and try to cuddle it out and talk to him.

You'll be pleased to know youd have had plenty of space around me, it was in a big piece of empty shopfloor

SleepingStandingUp why didn’t you have a buggy?

Because we're trying to get him walking more. We caught the bus, had coffee and went for a walk round the shops. He got more overwrought and tired than expected. So when he got overly worked up he got hugs and sympathy. He's nearly 4, he can verbally ecpalin enough of what's wrong but not really enough to express all his emotions.

I would have walked slowly around saying to my DCs, "you used to do that to me as toddlers too!".
It's normal, I'd say it gets easier, but they just find new ways to test patience by going through different phases.

Am I the only one honest enough to say I’d be pissed off with someone with or without a child getting in my way in the supermarket?!

I get irritated by this too when I’m in a rush, but when there’s a toddler tantrum in the way I’m as certain as I can be that the parent is finding the whole situation more stressful than I am.

Anyone complaining to the parent about a trantuming child being in their way is likely to just make a bad situation worse. I don’t believe there’s any parents who like seeing their child raging and thrashing around on the floor in a supermarket (or anywhere else).

Also, sticking the toddler in a trolley isn’t always an answer.

DS3 (2 yrs) has figured out how to wriggle around so that he can get himself from sitting into a standing position on trolley seats. This is clearly horribly unsafe.

So when we’re in shops where the trolleys don’t have seatbelts - such as Lidl - he’s walking next to me, because that’s the safer option.

I don't believe children care what acceptable and unacceptable behaviour is when they are toddlers

This is so true. DC4 is a toddler and all DC4 cares about is DC4, just like her siblings did when they were toddlers. I've seen threads on here where someone will pose the question of what would you do if you could do absolutely anything with no consequences and plenty of people will post along the lines of scream at their boss, eat as much junk food as they want, help themselves to whatever they want from shops, basically fulfilling whatever whims they have at any given moment. That's what toddlers are like. The reason we as adults don't do things like scream at our boss, etc is because we've learned social and societal boundaries that tell us this isn't acceptable behaviour and it will have consequences. Toddlers haven't learned that yet which is why the only care about what they want to do and forget everyone else.

Am I the only person who likes doing a food shop? I find it quite therapeutic. However my toddler, when ill, was a nightmare. He could stand up in the trolly seat and would throw himself at me for a cuddle. Because in quite short I fell over with him in my arms and he strapped his arms around my neck and refused to let me move. That was embarrassing. Right next to the frozen pizza as well.
Fortunately one particular shop from hell 4 separate people came over to offer me help, all very understanding and nice! Someone pushed my trolly, someone unpacked my shopping, someone bagged it and someone held my trolly in the car park because it was windy and they said the last thing I needed was my car getting scratched while putting DS in the car.

That's lovely Bianca can I shop at your supermarket?

Restores your faith in humanity, that sort of thing.

She's bu! I would have asked if I could help (when dd was in that mood a stranger intervening would stop her in her tracks!

I had two angels around the supermarket- I kid you not! (Probably because they were busy munching through the shopping trolley- omg all the opened items I used to put on the checkout🙈). But they saved their tantrums for elsewhere!!

OP any parent who says their child never had a tantrum in a public place is telling porkie pies! We’ve all been there at some point!

Yes the women was being a cow to you. Don’t worry about her, she’ll take joy in telling the story, and those listening will be thinking ‘I remember your dc when they we little, and how difficult they could be......’

Honestly Moving I was nearly in tears. I'm sure I had a lot more horrid looks from people but those that helped me honestly made my day. Tbf, I live in a very northern, little town and people are very nice up here.

@thedisorganisedmum - sorry but if your kids have never had a full-on screaming fit in public, it’s not because of your ‘superior parenting’, it’s down to their personalities.

I had one child that bit, kicked, scratched, screamed in public (no I didn’t ALLOW it) and one perfectly behaved zen child. Same parenting. Different children.

I had a similar sitch in a Blockbuster (showing my age, here) when my oldest was two. Some jerk complained about his noisy meltdown, while I was trying to wrangle him (in the buggy) and my two young stepsons couldn't agree on which film to rent. I was heavily pregnant with DS2 at the time and had a very dark night of the soul about how I was going to cope with the stroppy toddler AND a newborn. It really affected me, this idiot who couldn't just show a little understanding.

Hang in there, OP. As you can see from the responses above , we have all been there and the consensus is clearly that people like that woman need to give a sister a break.

Some kids create an almighty scene when they're tired, poorly, just had their vaccinations, having growing pains, they're hungry, they're frustrated. Some don't throw tantrums at all. I never threw a tantrum or caused a scene but my god was I an absolute nightmare as a teenager!

OP- every time I DD starts to get upset we tell her to do deep breathing and we do it with her, and she sits in a sort of time out (may be just standing to one side, never with the aim of publicly humiliating her), a minute for every year she's been alive, ie. 3 mins for a 3 year old. I'm not a perfect parent nor an expert, it might not work for anyone else but DD has learned to stop herself before it reaches tantruming point.

Yes, other mum was not right to react that way, maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she's got a fuse shorter than her little finger. Luckily I doubt you'll ever have to cross her path again, put it out of your mind! Don't dwell on someone making you feel bad for things out of your control.

YANBU any of us parents know damn well how hard it is to manage when a toddler is having that kind of meltdown.
When you finally get chance, stick your feet up, have a cuppa and congratulate yourself for getting through another day. Leave the rest to karma xx

Definitely a cow!

She was being a real cow. Forget her and don't let her steal your happiness.

Btw, when I went through the pushchair stage with my DS, I tried to remember to have treats in my pocket (raisins are awesome, they last aaaages!) Give him the treat, buckle him in. I know it’s bribery etc etc but if it saves you getting scalped then go for it. It feels like it will never end but it will xxx Welldone lovely lady xxx

Oh my god, WOW @thedisorganisedmum that's bitchy, and rude.

I have all manner of complexes thanks to being blamed for my child's behaviour, which was always (and often at nearly still is) atrocious. I try not to take her anywhere. Learning your child has SEN which explain you're not actually a fucking shit parent with no handle of discipline is a double edged sword; on one hand, your kid isn't normal. Great. On the other, it's too late to go smash that news into the face of every sanctimonious c*nt who ever behaved like the woman the OP describes, or the probable-pfb idiot I've tagged.

At least I now know it's nothing I did wrong