To think this woman was a cow?

[upsideyerelephant]

Just got back from Sainsbos and not happy.

My DS is right in the throes of the terrible twos. He's a normal toddler.

Anyway, I'd let him get out of the buggy and walk alongside for a bit. He then has meltdown over my refusal to let him climb into the freezer. Full on screaming, kicking, the lot. I pick him up and try to get him back in the buggy. At this point, I'm being kicked, bitten you name it. I'm doing my best but I was mainly focusing on stopping him from hurting himself.

Meanwhile I'm dimly aware that someone is standing beside me and has said something. I'm being screamed at by DS so didn't hear or answer.

This woman then shouts (after a wait of about three seconds)

"How am I supposed to get past, here?! Will you move!"

I then drag my still screaming DS across the aisle and she barges past, shoving my buggy into me with her trolly in the process.

She stomps off glaring at me.

I may have told her to grow up...

It was literally a three second wait. I wouldn't mind but she had a toddler in the trolley, who was of course being as good as gold.

AIBU to think she could've waited? I don't see what on earth I could've done?

thedisorganisedmum. I have read all your posts and you do not say
what it is you actually did that you said prevented any tantrums from your children. You say it is a matter of being strict enough and that you had no tantrums from your four children. You do not say what you did, when they were two and under, that was so strict that they did not dare have tantrums.

My first two children had grouches and moans and cried a bit sometimes when they were two, but I hardly remember it. Had I not had my third child, I might have thought that these grouches were tantrums I had prevented from developing. But my third child, born 8 yrs after the second, had such full-on tantrums that I then learned without a doubt what a real tantrum was.

The way you speak, judgementally saying that by being "strict enough" you had no tantrums from your children, tells me that your children did not have tantrums. You did not not experience any actual tantrums in your children. As for the example from Royalty, well that is ridiculous! It could have become worse and been a tantrum maybe but I doubt it. We all know that off camera are the nannies and servants ready to take over anyway. But you do not know what you are talking about. It is so easy to be judgemental when you have never had to deal with the problem!

I defy anyone to say to any parent how they should deal with a toddler's tantrum until they have had a toddler of their own who has real, full tantrums in public places. Until then they do not know what they are talking about.

I feel so sorry for any parent who has suffered your superior judgemental stance on this, here or anywhere. You do not know anything about their children, their circumstances or what they are dealing with. I have seen many children with problems who struggle to cope through fear, through deafness, poor sight, learning difficulties, the list is endless. Their mothers do not need someone telling them they are poor parents because they are not strict enough! How cruel is that?!

You, thedisorganisedmum, since your children did not have tantrums, do not know what you are talking about. Maybe you could retire gracefully and leave this to those who do know, from experience or by their profession, what tantrums are. We can be well informed, helpful and be able to comfort and support the OP. Nobody should be putting a person down because her child had a tantrum.

She was extremely rude and there was no need for it.
I honestly couldn’t imagine myself speaking to someone like that who was in your position.

I’d be annoyed at the people who stand there gossiping in everyone’s way. Not at a mum with her tantruming toddler.

dear Ellyess
thank you for taking the time to write such a lengthy post to my attention!

I very respectfully disagree with most of what you wrote, but I see no point into engaging into an argument about it.

Others posters will equally disagree with you, because it's allegedly not possible to have children without tantrum, so people are either lying or not have any children at all in real life. I leave them to debate that point, it really doesn't matter either way, does it.

So how do you train your child to never have a tantrum?

Hang on, @thedisorganisedmum actually is Kate Middleton!

Explains everything! You just can't get the staff at the moment and she actually had to deal with Charlotte herself once, oh dear...

You're all wind and nee balls 😎

you are not a very nice person, and it's strange if you think comparing someone to KM is an insult- and I am not even a fan.

Would you like a tissue?

How about, fur coat and nee knickers? Would that be preferable?

If Kate Middleton really leaves her children to nannies, you have to admire how she manages to handle them in such a public way despite not being used to care for them. What's her secret.

My eldest is 4 and still has tantrums, less in public. She's been a drama queen since the day she was born and the full on tantrums started around the age of 1. Shes very strong willed and determined, and gets her fiery temper from her grandfather. I'll never forget the day I had to abandon shopping and carry her kicking and screaming out of the shops because I said no. There's no reasoning with her when she's angry, we just have to ignore and wait it out, then talk after. She is getting better.
My youngest is 2 and only just started with the tantrums, and even those are nothing compared to her big sister. She's always been a chilled out baby.
They've been parented the same way with the same boundaries, but their personalities are polar opposites. They're both cheeky and full of mischief, but express their distaste at being told no differently.

No idea, you tell me?

I don't give a stuff how she brings her kids up. Her life is complete different to mine so she's a bollox example regardless of whether she does the hard graft or not.

You however, have yet to back up a single scrap of your condescending coddswallop. Not a single sentence about how YOU actually prevent children from ever having tantrums. Nothing, nadda, a complete and utter absence of substance, meaning or insight of any kind.

Just wanky, weedling bollocks about not wanting to get into an argument.

As I said, all fur coat and nee knickers.

I tried, I won't bother anymore, so good night upsideyerelephant

op!

@doublemumfun
You’re amazing 😉

It once took 2 grown adults to get a tantruming DD into a car seat in supermarket car park.

She wasn't even 2!

My DCs never ever had a tantrum at any age BUT what they did do in supermarkets was run away, fight over the trolley, throw fruit and jump up and whack the Asda pound drop signs. B&Q was the worst as there was so much space. All from the age of too old to be in a buggy and old enough to know better. I used to think “what the hell am I doing wrong bloody useless mother!” I’d give them lists and pens to help me - didn’t work. Jolly them along - didn’t work. Tell them off - didn’t work. Stopped taking them - that worked!

It’s so hard. No one should look down on a parent doing the best they can if their child is having a melt down. Hopefully mean supermarket woman will have her day when her toddler had a strop

I know lots of parents who have children who 'never tantrum' for them, I can tell you their secret, at the very first sign of a tantrum brewing you give in, let them have whatever it is, or climb in the freezer or generally be a shit, distract them, just never ever tell them no. Sure they won't know how to behave and will really struggle at school (which is how I know so many) but it's fine, they won't tantrum for their parents, coz why waste energy having a tantrum when you get your own way anyway? Then for bonus points when School/nursery/clubs tell you of your DCs behaviour you can tell them its because the adults are doing it wrong and give vague smug answers about how they are angels for you.

So how do you train your child to never have a tantrum?

I was at soft play today with my 2yr old and some friends with DC of a similar age. Conversation got onto “how do you get DC to do xyz” at one point.

One friend in particular, it turns out her PFB doesn’t have tantrums in public because friend basically bribes her PFB. DC gets what DC wants, DC does not told “no” because friend does not want her DC to get angry and kick up a fuss, and if DC doesn’t want to do something, e.g. wear a seatbelt, then DC gets offered treats until DC agrees to do what friend wants.

This is not a method of preventing tantrums that I have any respect for. I think there’s a good chance it’ll backfire massively on my friend at some point.

My husband has a method of helping out with toddlers. He makes eye contact and asks them to stop. Then he tells the mum in the child's hearing that the store has a counter where she can swap the child for a good one if this one won't be good. Invariably the tantrum ceases immediately, and mum's are really grateful. He then congratulates mum on her coping skills, and leaves them to it. He often sees them again while shopping and the child is quiet and peace has returned.

@Borntosew, I wouldn't thank your husband for letting my toddler think she could just be swapped! Wow

Um, yes, Borntosew, your DH is massively overstepping his boundaries there. My DC are adopted and would totally freak if someone told them they could be 'swapped'. And I struggle to believe the mums are universally grateful...

I had 4, they never did because I didn't let them! It's not being smug, it's being strict enough.

That’s a bit unfair of you to say. I have 5 DC and NONE of them ever had a tantrum, however, they were all naughty in lots of other ways (DC 4 is and always as been a nightmare). They just didn’t have tantrums. But I don’t take credit for that and you shouldn’t either.

To all the smug parents who never ‘allowed’ their children to have tantrums younare living in fantasy land.

My DS had regular, prolonged and earth shaking tantrums, usually in public places like shops and doctors‘ waiting rooms. Nothing I said or did could stop them. He just grew out of them.

My DD never had one tantrum for the whole of her childhood.

The little darlings do what their DNA programmes them to do.

I have great sympathy with parents of children tantrumming in full view of others. It is bad enough being the one who has to deal with the DC without having to defend oneself from adults too.

@alwaysontimeneverlate one restrains whilst the others fastens 👋 been there , Jesus wept ye just thinking "arrrgghh bend in the fookin middle will ye ?! " meanwhile your child's stiff as a board,arms glued to their sides and laughing at you .... they'll let you bend one arm in aswell then it's like haaa 1-0 mum ...TENSE!!!! ...they're in the footwell again hung by one shoulder and you're losing the will to go on ... Peak parenting tings 👋🙄😂 x

Borntosew he sounds rather patronising and smug. And I would not be overly pleased at his intervention, what makes you think 'the mums' need him?