To think this woman was a cow?

[upsideyerelephant]

Just got back from Sainsbos and not happy.

My DS is right in the throes of the terrible twos. He's a normal toddler.

Anyway, I'd let him get out of the buggy and walk alongside for a bit. He then has meltdown over my refusal to let him climb into the freezer. Full on screaming, kicking, the lot. I pick him up and try to get him back in the buggy. At this point, I'm being kicked, bitten you name it. I'm doing my best but I was mainly focusing on stopping him from hurting himself.

Meanwhile I'm dimly aware that someone is standing beside me and has said something. I'm being screamed at by DS so didn't hear or answer.

This woman then shouts (after a wait of about three seconds)

"How am I supposed to get past, here?! Will you move!"

I then drag my still screaming DS across the aisle and she barges past, shoving my buggy into me with her trolly in the process.

She stomps off glaring at me.

I may have told her to grow up...

It was literally a three second wait. I wouldn't mind but she had a toddler in the trolley, who was of course being as good as gold.

AIBU to think she could've waited? I don't see what on earth I could've done?

YANBU that woman was a judgey cow.

My eldest was a delight. So easy. No terrible twos. Little angel. So smug was I. Supermarkets were actually enjoyable. We used to hang out in there and go for a baby chino in the supermarket cafe..lovely lovely. Never had to deal with any screaming banshee stuff. Just didn’t happen. Then I had my youngest...!!!!....Jesus. No more supermarkets. Online shopping only after one particularly horrific trip to get milk and bread. It was a 5 minute pop in which was so stressful I left the shop in tears. So from my personal experience, every kid is different. How was my eldest so different and easy? Personality? Parenting? It’s not all about how you “control” them is it or my youngest would have been the same as my eldest. We haven’t parented any differently. Some like to throw wobblers and some don’t. My sister had the same. One who never did and one who used to bang her head on the floor over and over the minute she didn’t get her own way. Before anyone jumps on that, she’s now at Uni and a scholar so the tantrumming/head banging didn’t mean she was growing up to be a loser. Kids are kids and this shit happens.

The tantrum is a complete red herring. The OP was encumbered by a toddler, a buggy and a basket and could have been blocking the aisle for half a dozen different reasons. The other woman could clearly see she was trying to deal with the situation as quickly as she could, but rather than wait or go the other way she chose to be rude and unpleasant about it, because she was a cow. Even if there was a foolproof method to stop tantrumming, she's still a cow. She did it because she was a cow, and when people are like that we don't need to think about how we could change our behaviour to make them behave better, we can just say "what a total cow" and carry on with life.

@Teacher22 I totally agree.

My DS would tantrum like crazy (and still does now at 14)! DD is almost 10 and never even got close to a tantrum.

Some kids can just deal with their emotions better than others. If it was all down to parenting then surely both my kids would either have tantrums or not!

Disorganisedmum. I must say that's a very peculiar and unmatched username for some whose kids are perfect little Saints.

Awwlookatmybabyspider
no one said any of my kids was a perfect little Saint. You are the one who jump from not having hysterical tantrums, rolling on the floor kicking, screaming and biting to "little Saint".
In real life, it doesn't have to be one or the other you know, but feel free to completely twist what posters write.

Sounds like bad parenting to me. Kicking, biting and screaming!!! Seems like a completely bored, overtired child that shouldn’t be in a supermarket at that time. Why were they not in the seat of a trolley. You said you needed to finish shop for the next 3 days food yet you have a buggy and a basket??, no trolley and a 2 year old wandering around. It’s irresponsible letting a 2 year old wander round a suoermarket if they are prone to this sort of behaviour and the only reason for such extreme behaviour is poor parenting.

My DC are adopted and would totally freak if someone told them they could be 'swapped'.

Same with my DDs, who are also adopted. They were in a drama club for a week in the last summer before DD2 started school. The teacher told her, 'I'm going to take you away', thinking he was hilariously funny. She was really distressed and was coming into our room at night for several weeks afterwards.

Just don't say things like that. You don't know them or whether they can 'take a joke.'

@scubadive wow way to make someone feel better. No doubt your children are angels all the time?

What basket?

No thoughts on cow face?

OP, honestly I think you need to hold it together and move forward. I understand that this incident upset you, but the name calling sounds infantile.

I never took a buggy into the supermarket and I had my two feisty little ones on reins. I involved them in the shopping decisions- should we get fruit yogurt or plain, would they like chicken or mince for tea, could they help mummy find the broccoli, etc.
It stopped them getting bored, and they were too busy to throw tantrums. I think they also felt quite grown up being consulted, and they got some exercise walking miles round all the aisles, rather than grumpy and stuck in a trolley or buggy.
There was a phase, once they were off their reins, when they would run off, find a staff member and pretend they’d lost their mum, just to get a tannoy announcement to summon me to the desk and embarrass me, though!

OMG all this venom towards a poster who dares to criticise when a mother can't manage a tantrum.
Of course there's a small percentage of children with SEN or autism etc,...but there's an attitude that it's always the child and the parent is totally blameless. Why are people so keen to label a child as 'difficult' ?
I've seen many instances of toddlers having tantrums in shops and in most cases the parent has created the problem.
I've seen the parent shouting, Panicking, bribing, and the child out of control with frustration. The parent is the adult. The child isn't to blame.
Preventing or managing tantrums isn't about being strict or terrifying the child into submission, it's about stay in calm and in control.
There's no shame in not knowing what to do but you can learn or at least consider your part in it.
It's not just about the child's personality, it's about the parents too.
Having said that, it's not helpful when people are rude to parents in that situation. Accept that mothers do have a difficult time and have not been on courses in child tantrums.
It helps no one to just think it's unsolvable.

Horrible woman and reminds me of one incident with my DS2 who is the sole responsibility for me starting online shopping he didn't tantrum as in lying down screaming but he absolutely hated sitting in the buggy so would start screaming in supermarkets in his buggy.

Once this woman approached me and I thought she was going to be nice but no, she bent into the pram and shouted "SHUT UP" loudly in my DS face! I was so shocked I started to cry, then I got angry and tried to find her but luckily calmed down and just paid and left. Still makes me angry thinking about it though and my DS is 10 and very occasionally slams doors

But the OP was managing a tantrum! Just fine. The 'venom' is more at the implication that a tantrum full stop is a sign of poor parenting.

That was horrible, @Yokohamajojo I'm not surprised you started to cry. It beats me how some people can even believe that shouting 'shut up' at a toddler is acceptable behaviour.

The 'venom' is more at the implication that a tantrum full stop is a sign of poor parenting

Not really, the venom is because people get defensive and dismiss any suggestion that a parent may be creating a problem or making it worse.
No one is a perfect parent but refusing to listen or accept any responsibility is ridiculous.
I got so much wrong and other things right. I'm the first to admit that there were times I failed miserably but it was through lack of knowledge and just not knowing what to do ffs.
It doesn't mean I was awful.

Who is refusing to accept responsibility here?

Two year olds have tantrums sometimes. Usually (as someone else has already pointed out) because the parent has told said child No.

My DS has done that in a public place twice. He is NT, I'm not a single parent and in many ways I have it easy. However, tantrums happen.

What shocked me, was how unnecessarily unkind that woman was. Even with her own toddler with her.

That day, my DS learned that you cannot climb into a freezer. Her DD learned that it's perfectly acceptable to shove past someone who is dealing with something difficult.

What shocked me, was how unnecessarily unkind that woman was. Even with her own toddler with her. That day, my DS learned that you cannot climb into a freezer. Her DD learned that it's perfectly acceptable to shove past someone who is dealing with something difficult

Wouldn't disagree with that.

Yokohamajojo. I'm in shock! No wonder you still think about it! I am so sorry! She is a psychopath! I have met them. That is what they do!

I am sure this is an offence....

Limensoda. Totally agree " it's not helpful when people are rude to parents in that situation. Accept that mothers do have a difficult time and have not been on courses in child tantrums." Not so sure about suggesting in your last sentence that it is solvable. Ime there will always be an exception when a child will have a tantrum and the poor parent/carer will just have to wait, keeping the child safe, until he/she stops. I know that Child Psychiatrist colleagues have been out-tantrumed by their toddlers! But they know not to panic and to wait till it stops and not to "feed" it by giving the tantrum attention. So long as you check out any signs of illness (or other problems in development if you suspect this,) tantrums are considered normal!

Dunin. Yessssss!

GirlRaisedInTheSouth. and Teacher22 saying:
"To all the smug parents who never ‘allowed’ their children to have tantrums younare living in fantasy land."

Thanks! You are a decent and honest people! As I said, had I stopped at two DC I might have thoughtI had the magic secret for stopping tantrums developing. Ha! Ha! DC no.3 soon cured me of that!

scubadive. You are so judgemental! So unreasonable! So ready to show how clever you are! How do you know the reasons for the child's tantrum? How do you know anyof the circumstances before the child had a tantrum? You clearly know nothing about tantrums because your words of condemnation tell us so.

I hope one day you are pushed for time while doing something in public which is normal for your routine and suddenly your child decides to throw a wobbly at an awkward moment - blocking a supermarket aisle perhaps - and another person decides what a bad parent you are for bringing that child into the supermarket at that time!

@gone4good you say it was the first and last time he did it (the kicking) are you implying that’s because you somehow disciplined it out of him that one time or just because you never went back?

She was an idiot. If you haven’t experienced Extreme Toddlering, lucky you, count your blessings and move on as you’re not the expert here!