To think this woman was a cow?

[upsideyerelephant]

Just got back from Sainsbos and not happy.

My DS is right in the throes of the terrible twos. He's a normal toddler.

Anyway, I'd let him get out of the buggy and walk alongside for a bit. He then has meltdown over my refusal to let him climb into the freezer. Full on screaming, kicking, the lot. I pick him up and try to get him back in the buggy. At this point, I'm being kicked, bitten you name it. I'm doing my best but I was mainly focusing on stopping him from hurting himself.

Meanwhile I'm dimly aware that someone is standing beside me and has said something. I'm being screamed at by DS so didn't hear or answer.

This woman then shouts (after a wait of about three seconds)

"How am I supposed to get past, here?! Will you move!"

I then drag my still screaming DS across the aisle and she barges past, shoving my buggy into me with her trolly in the process.

She stomps off glaring at me.

I may have told her to grow up...

It was literally a three second wait. I wouldn't mind but she had a toddler in the trolley, who was of course being as good as gold.

AIBU to think she could've waited? I don't see what on earth I could've done?

Very hard to do this BUT you HAVE to block people like that out.
Two year olds are supposed to push the boundaries. This is ok.
(She, however, should show compassion- at least not berate you).
You’re clearly doing a wonderful job. She is an utter disgrace of a woman. Where’s her sister solidarity?!

The terrible twos are just that for some mums and children. She was unreasonable imo

I must admit, I’d have told her to fuck right off (and I have done with other rude arses like this). You are SO NBU.

Oh god you have my sympathies.

About 11 years ago I was in Asda with my very volatile toddler. He was throwing himself around on the floor and thrashing around and I tried to hold him still while he was screaming so he didn't hurt himself.

An older lady came and tapped me on the shoulder and said "maybe he's screaming like that because you are hurting him?"

I may or may not have told her to fuck the fuck off.

Your kid was badly behaved.
The woman was rude .

Don’t call women cows as an insult. That’s horrible.

Moo moo

Wow, SWBU!
I wonder how she would have reacted to the man who blocked me from getting my shopping today. He wanted change and had his bag on the area the cashier puts the shopping in after scanning (small corner shop). I patiently waited for him to do his transaction as I couldn't get my stuff. Part-way through the cashier did ask if I was waiting for something. I simply said yes, my shopping! The man did then move his bag but I hadn't minded.
That woman would have yelled at the poor old guy

So... do we just have to tell our kids that we won't tolerate their behaviour? And then they stop?

I agree with thedisorganisedmum Tantrums continue or escalate because you have lost control.
Getting stressed, angry, shouting, tensing up all affect the child. Calm parents tend to have children with less tantrums.

Tantrums are normal, yes, but managing them is down to the parent. You have to change what you do.
Of course no one is supposed to suggest that a parent is at fault in these situations, even if they are.

She sounds like a dried up old prune op who's probably not getting enough sex.

My two are 16 and 14 now, but I still remember the 'terrible twos'. When toddlers are having a meltdown, I smile at them and say 'Hello!' Sometimes they stop in their tracks and calm down. Sometimes they're too in the zone to notice.
Either way,we should all smile at the mums and offer to help.

She sounds like a dried up old prune op who's probably not getting enough sex

The woman was rude and not supportive but that is a pretty rude and stupid comment.

upsideyerelephant Oh how I hope this selfish nasty evil binbag of a woman will have another child like my third! One that throws a tantrum everywhere and lays down on the floor in the middle of the shop aisle screaming and banging her feet. One that screams all night, that screams in the bath so neighbours call the police one that goes as stiff as a board when you need to put her in the buggy/safety seat. One that makes life almost impossible.....
The woman is worse than a cow, she's inhuman, should be banned from Sainsbries, Tescies, Lidlies, all of them. People like her piss me off big time.
My DC are now big. I do my best to help any mum struggling with a cross/unhappy toddler, negotiating a door with a buggy or coping in any way with a littly. Cripes! What's the world going to do if we can't help with children? We were all one once. Except Mrs May possibly.

Limensoda. As an erstwhile Teacher and then a Psychologist and mum of three, like everyone, I can say that children even from the same home and same parents, vary enormously. Sometimes, whatever you do, a toddler will tantrum until they decide to stop. I used to try and ease my 3rd child into a safe corner and just wait for her to run out of steam.

To look on at a mother with a child having a tantrum and not do anything helpful or say anything sympathetic is really unfair. It makes the poor mum feel all the more helpless.

We don't know the child, they may have Autism, or be going down with an illness and feel fractious. It's just so hard for the mum/dad when the child has a public tantrum. The last thing they need is any hint of judgement or "I know best" from other people.

It’s very hard, put me off shopping and trips out until I heard about one lady who just mirrored her child and they were so shocked it stopped the tantrum...so I thought I’d try it for a laugh and funnily enough it was in Sainsbury’s. When little madam kicked off in the aisle in her little power pose I feigned losing control, jumping up and down and shouting. She looked at me in utter shock and never tantrumed again, well not in the supermarket at least. Now I have teenage rebellion, sarcasm and a whole host of other things to deal with and I’m clueless. That was my one win with a very headstrong child.

Limensoda. I think onegiftedgal was not being literal, just as the OP was not being literal calling her a "cow", but rather trying to sympathise with the OP by showing her understanding of how the protagonist was hurtful, thoughtless and selfish. In doing so, she used a bit of humour to lift the OP's mood. I think onegiftedgal was right to make this kind of joking comment in these circumstances and I hope the OP found it cheered her up a bit.

moon2. That's brilliant!

I'm in the "lucky" camp as I came out of the terrible twos relatively unscathed thankfully and I feel for those of you suffering it now. But it has nothing to do with parenting skills. I now have three wonderful teenagers who are considerate and measured and make me immensely proud. I have parented using discussion and empathy and example and taught them to think through the potential consequences of their actions and the impact on others. Did I start this when they were 2? Er, no. Because when they are two, you can't discuss the reasons they mustn't get in the freezer or the potential consequences or impact of them doing so. Neither can you get them to empathise with the poor customer who ends up with squashed fish fingers. You have to either a) say "no" and hope they comply b) try to distract them or c) resort to bribery or threats. And when all of those inevitably fail, you have to wrestle them back out of the freezer and wait for the subsequent tantrum to subside.
Toddlers are a law unto themselves. Their enthusiasm for doing exactly the opposite of what you want them to do knows no bounds. And they are utterly unpredictable in what they are going to want to do next. Naturally OP, had you anticipated the need for freezer surfing from your toddler, you'd have taken measures to avoid it. The woman was a bitch.

My dm always said that my d sis and I did not tantrum because she wouldn’t allow it. We were bloody terrified of her it’s true, my sister now doesn’t speak to her so I’d not advise it.
I had one who tantrumed and one who didn’t, I was the same mum with both of them.

ADHMeeee. Bless you and your daughter! I am so very sorry about what you have been through! All children are different and when one is more difficult than expected there is usually a reason. Sometimes we never find out what it is. But at least you know your daughter's challenges and that she is not to blame and neither are you! There are plenty of people like your DD and she is important has her rightful place in the world and is as important as everyone else. She deserves a little more time and help when she meets her special needs. I do hope you are both getting on so much better now that her position is understood. I really cannot imagine how dreadful it must have been to be bullied by nasty people about your DD when she was doing nothing wrong but just having trouble understanding what was going on around her. Bless you both! I do hope you are so much happier now.

She was out of order. No need for such nastiness. I despair.

Mean lady!
DD wasn’t a tantrummer but that was sheer luck. She did a lot of other insane things which had me on the edge - especially the going rigid/floppy re the car seat/trolley/buggy.
She used to get a chance to walk and any nonsense you’ll be in the trolley seat. Easier said than done, ‘‘twas like trying to put a dead body in there🙈. I think I cried once.
I was lucky and only ever got supportive comments and I always try to give fellow sufferers a sympathetic look
Toddlers are like drunks sometimes

I need to ask to be sure... were you blocking the whole aisle? Is that why she needed to ask you to move?
Kids have tantrums at the most opportune times and of course a little human kindness is great. But if you block the whole aisle and she isn’t actually capable of walkinva ll the way round... then whomis being unreasonable? A tantrum toddler can be picked up and moved...

Oh ffs! My phone knows better than me!
INOPPORTUNE times.
*capable of walking all the way around
*who is being unreasonable

I haven't read this whole thread but regarding smug parents who's kids have never tantrumed in public or otherwise - I have a theory about that! In my (limited) experience the kids who are good as gold all the time ... well, quite frankly, they are boring, lacking in personality (and these days often brainwashed by screen time). My children may have their moments but they're also spunky, full of character and personality. In short, they're going to be amazing adults! I hope they challenge the world the same way they've challenged me!! Solidarity with parents like you OP, I say - we're raising strong, feisty people!!!

This woman sounds like a dick and YANBU. I always feel for parents when I see this happening and the last thing you want is someone being rude to you. I don't really think there is any magic way to stop tantrums and I think it depends on the child. I have 2. My boy didn't tantrum and my girl is the queen of tantrums. Both have been bought up the same way. Sadly op there will always be smug parents🙄.