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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Granparent holidays

160 replies

biatu · 18/03/2019 10:43

MIL wants to take DS (8) to Spain this summer for 2 weeks as a bday present for her 60th from her partner, me and OH cant afford to go with so it would be DS, MIL and MILs partner. I have never been abroad personally so feel like I would rather my sons first time abroad be a family hol. Me and OH are not keen to say yes, AIBU?

OP posts:
Treaclesweet · 18/03/2019 10:46

I think that is a selfish reason to say no but that doesn't necessarily mean that you should say yes. Two weeks is a long time! Do they spend quite a bit of time together currently? Overnights etc?

Hunter037 · 18/03/2019 10:49

I think 2 weeks is too long, have they had him for weekends or short breaks away before?
I know you s aid you can't afford to go with them. Could you go to a nearby cheaper resort/ hotel just for a 4 nights or something? So you all get to be part of the holiday?

Alsohuman · 18/03/2019 10:49

I wouldn’t deprive my child of a holiday just because I wanted their first experience of a foreign trip to be with me. Is that the only reason?

Original poster
biatu · 18/03/2019 10:49

He goes over to hers for max 6 nights in the summer but usually 3/4 and has the odd weekend maybe 3/4 times a year but there is a difference in him being 40odd miles away to another country IMO.

OP posts:
Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 18/03/2019 10:49

Do you completely trust your MIL and her partner?
Does your son wish to go?
If yes to both questions, I'd let him go.
May I ask why you've never been abroad on holiday?

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 18/03/2019 10:51

He already stays with them for multiple nights, let him have an experience you haven't, don't hold him back if he wants to go

Original poster
biatu · 18/03/2019 10:51

No its not the only reason, I would be nervous that he was so far away from us for so long. I wouldn't be comfortable with the idea of her drinking or anything while with him but feel I could not impose such a restriction on her.

OP posts:
Original poster
biatu · 18/03/2019 10:53

Her partner is good with him but he isn't around all the time, they don't live together etc so no that is another reason I am not 100% comfortable on them taking him.
My son doesn't know as I don't want to have him as a bargaining chip for her.
Why I haven't been abroad is completely irrelevant... however if you must know I was brought up by a single parent, went to uni and had DS during my time there so it has never been affordable to us.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 18/03/2019 10:54

None of mine would have been happy with two weeks away from me in a strange place at that age. Has he been to stay with them for a weekend or week before? A holiday with an 8-year-old will likely be very different from what they are used to ie exhausting!!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2019 10:57

What do you wouldn’t be comfortable with her drinking? A glass or two with dinner or falling down drunk?

Original poster
biatu · 18/03/2019 10:57

Yes I agree, her time with him for short periods is very different to 2 weeks of him constantly without us there to help with him. He isn't hard work but he isn't going to just sit around, he will want to be on the go constantly.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2019 10:57

Mean*

geekone · 18/03/2019 10:58

YABU

I would be standing at the airport waving flags.

Seriously my DS is 9 and stays with his grandparents in the holidays anyway if they want to take him away then I think it’s lovely and will be a great experience for him. he’s 8 years old not 8 months old.

As for drinking of course you can’t ask for them not to. Are you teetotal? Do you have a drink with dinner when with your child?

Original poster
biatu · 18/03/2019 10:58

I wouldn't want her drinking at all. When we are away with him locally we don't drink as I like to have my wits completely about me in a strange environment and I would expect anyone looking after my child to be the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
biatu · 18/03/2019 11:00

I am not teetotal but I do not drink when I am in charge of him and have never had a drink with dinner with him there unless my OH is there and not drinking. One person should always be able to drive in case of emergency IMO and in another country where he doesn't speak the language or know where he is this is even more critical.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 18/03/2019 11:04

Havi g a few drinks around an 8 year old is fine but you and his dad don't like it so I think you just need to say no 2 weeks is too much for you and probably him.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2019 11:06

You can’t stipulate that she doesn’t drink at all. That is very controlling and plain odd. If she’s otherwise reliable and has a good relationship with her grandson I think it would be mean not to let her take him.

Does he want to go?

BertrandRussell · 18/03/2019 11:07

Does she drink too much usually? If so then of course absolute no!

Spiritinabody · 18/03/2019 11:08

I would also want DS's first time abroad to be with me and DH so I would say no but then I would start saving for the holiday abroad.

I think it's a bit weird for her to celebrate her 60th birthday holiday with her GS and DP rather than quality time with just her DP.

ColeHawlins · 18/03/2019 11:09

I am not teetotal but I do not drink when I am in charge of him and have never had a drink with dinner with him there unless my OH is there and not drinking.

That's a tad extreme TBH.

Is your MIL a boozer? Or a "two glasses of wine in the evening" type person.

Personally, I'd be more concerned about the non-resident Male.

Chamomileteaplease · 18/03/2019 11:10

Two weeks is a long time for an eight year old.

I don't think it's selfish for you to want to take him abroad for the first time. I mean if it was a three day trip to France with the school I am sure you would say yes, but this is different.

You and your dh don't want him to go. I don't think you should say yes just for your MIL's sake as why should you? I would expect that she would actually find it far too much work and I doubt your son would enjoy it either. All in all I think you should say no citing that it is just too long and too far for your son. If she's upset, let her be, she will get over it.

Better that than a homesick eight old miles from home and his parents spending two weeks worrying.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 18/03/2019 11:11

If you are uncomfortable for any reason, then say no. He's your child and grandparents don't need to take them away from you for two weeks.
I wouldn't have sent mine abroad without me.

Waveysnail · 18/03/2019 11:11

Really depends on the child. My eldest dc would happily live with his grandparents if we let him, my other two dc are more home birds

ruleofthree · 18/03/2019 11:12

I think two weeks is too long if the partner isn't someone your son is used to spending overnights with. It'll change the dynamics compared to how it is when he spends the night with grandma only and two weeks overseas is a long time if it isn't going well.

Is it a villa or sharing a hotel room?

MrsJayy · 18/03/2019 11:14

Could you afford to go for a week as a family ?