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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Granparent holidays

160 replies

biatu · 18/03/2019 10:43

MIL wants to take DS (8) to Spain this summer for 2 weeks as a bday present for her 60th from her partner, me and OH cant afford to go with so it would be DS, MIL and MILs partner. I have never been abroad personally so feel like I would rather my sons first time abroad be a family hol. Me and OH are not keen to say yes, AIBU?

OP posts:
Limensoda · 18/03/2019 13:15

She had her chance at being a mum, now it's your turn. What you say goes

Another poster who sees a mil as a rival for her role as mother Grin
Grandmother's want to be a grandmother....if only dils would let them ffs! Grow up.

G5000 · 18/03/2019 13:21

I can't imagine seeing my daughter go without holidays and just offering to take my grandchild
DIL, not daughter.

I've just booked tickets to send my DC abroad with grandma for 3 weeks. They are 3 and 5. Mum will probably have a glass of wine too while the kids are there. DC will have a ton of fun. Mum managed to make sure I survived the childhood, she'll probably manage it with my offspring as well.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2019 13:23

BertrandRussell - go pick a fight with someone else. I've 'known' you for years and I'm not interested

Do you have Bert mixed up someone else? She’s not a fighter, she’s always reasonable but forthright. I like that.

Mmmmbrekkie · 18/03/2019 13:27

@lalafafa

Not a snob. I take my two to AIs every year and bloody love them!!

My point is that what you listed as being advantages of a resort holiday could be replicated in the uk.

Whereas Rome, Madrid etc all offer experiences unique to those cities.

Again though if OP concerned about missing out on cultural experience she could replicate in UK

Hollowvictory · 18/03/2019 13:30

Let him go. You've no plans to go abroad don't deprive him of the opportunity

Alsohuman · 18/03/2019 13:34

Duck, I get the impression that poster could have a fight in an empty room!

essex42 · 18/03/2019 13:38

Our sons are now grown up but being selfish parents we went on more than one holiday on our own and left the boys with their grandparents - my parents. We also had to travel away for work relatively often. This worked out brilliantly and the boys LOVED their time with them. It never really occurred to me to keep a check on what they were doing or tell them they couldn't have a drink! They were in their 70s then but did loads with the boys - probably more than we did. I hope, if we are lucky enough to be grandparents then we will be able to do the same for our children's children. I always saw it more that they were doing me a favour by looking after our sons than I was doing them a favour by allowing them to go.

JazzerMcJazzer · 18/03/2019 14:29

Bollocks that a resort holiday can be replicated in the U.K. A family fun holiday, yes, but there is nowhere in the UK that you will get the full package holiday resort experience.

thebabessavedme · 18/03/2019 14:49

oh thank god! a few people who think it quite natural for gps to take kids away! Grin I was beginning to think our family was most odd. I have wonderful memories of being away with my dgps, my dd and various nieces and nephews all went on holiday with my parents and now its our turn to take our dgs on holiday - and yes, I will have a drink, he will stay up later than usual and I'm not likely to worry too much about vegetable intake! He will of course be looked after, loved, cuddled and kissed and be bought treats. thats what normal nanas and grandads do Grin

I also have no doubt that dd and sil will spend far too much time out drinking and dancing while we are away.

Mummyshark2018 · 18/03/2019 15:19

I don't think my dc of a similar age would be happy to go without me for 2 weeks, maybe a few days and only if her cousins were going. Equally I don't think my parents would want the responsibility of a young child on their 2 week holiday. I personally find it a bit strange.

Jamiefraserskilt · 18/03/2019 15:23

Wee bit long, wee bit young. Imho

Original poster
biatu · 18/03/2019 15:34

thanks all, I think it would be a hotel room but nothing has been booked officially yet they are just away to look. I am really not keen so I think we will just have to deal with a sulky MIL for a few days!

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2019 15:44

Fair enough OP but if it’s just because you haven’t been abroad with your son personally I think it’s a bit mean. Would you consider a week?

Lweji · 18/03/2019 15:49

I'd check first what type of accommodation they are planning on.
I wouldn't be happy with a grandparent and an unrelated,not even living together, partner sharing a hotel room with an 8 year old for two weeks.

MullofKintire · 18/03/2019 15:52

why dont you suggest you all go for a week?

ShabbyAbby · 18/03/2019 15:57

I must be very laid back or have very laid back kids. This would not worry me at all.

Bibijayne · 18/03/2019 15:58

No YANBU. Two weeks is a long time for an 8 year old. It's a different dynamic to a long weekend in their home. I'm not sure they've thought this through their end. Also if someone is taking my child as a treat for themselves I'd want them to follow my parenting rules. TBH I'd flat out say no. I'm surprised if they're so keen for him to go that they haven't offered for you and your DH to go too.

IdaIdes · 18/03/2019 16:02

Your poor DS! Let the boy go! That's really selfish to deny them
Both a nice time together. Maybe ask for her to shorten it to 10 days? But if you don't I can only imagine he'll resent you later on.

Hersheys · 18/03/2019 16:07

2 weeks is absolutely too long and especially to be with a 'non-residential' man

BertrandRussell · 18/03/2019 16:14

“Also if someone is taking my child as a treat for themselves I'd want them to follow my parenting rules. TBH I'd flat out say no. I'm surprised if they're so keen for him to go that they haven't offered for you and your DH to go too.”

Because they may not be able to afford to pay for two extra adult holidays? Hmm

I do think it’s bizarre that people are not allowed to enjoy things they do with their grandchildren. You see it all the time on here. It has to be for the children’s benefit only. No idea of mutual enjoyment.

Vanillamanilla1 · 18/03/2019 16:55

I'm a grandmother . I'm 44 and my grandson is 2 at the moment but we've already said when he turns 5 years old we want to take him abroad to gave the holidays my children had
Realistically his parents can't afford to and I cant see them being able to afford to any time in the future
Why should my grandson miss out when he doesn't have to
It's very unfair

thebabessavedme · 18/03/2019 17:56

yes vanilla, we are in the same position, there is no way that dd and her dh could afford a holiday in school holiday times, they also have to work and rely on us for childcare so taking dgs away is a bit of a win win for us all, they have free childcare, he has a free holiday and we get to spend time with a child we adore - thankfully dd is pretty laid back about rules just the usual stuff about sun cream etc, done it all before anyway Grin

BigButtonsOnMyPhone · 18/03/2019 19:37

Can't believe how many GPs scoop up the GC and go on holidays that the parents can't afford - and then think they are being kind.

The kind thing would be to help their DC get a break too, not leave them at home without a holiday.

No way I would tell my DD that I would pay for a holiday for any GC but not her.

UnspiritualHome · 18/03/2019 19:50

It might be the kind thing, BigButtons but what if the grandparents can’t afford it? Do the grandchildren have to miss out?

Lweji · 18/03/2019 20:15

If the grandparents take the children away while the parents are working, surely it is kind.

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