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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Granparent holidays

160 replies

biatu · 18/03/2019 10:43

MIL wants to take DS (8) to Spain this summer for 2 weeks as a bday present for her 60th from her partner, me and OH cant afford to go with so it would be DS, MIL and MILs partner. I have never been abroad personally so feel like I would rather my sons first time abroad be a family hol. Me and OH are not keen to say yes, AIBU?

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 18/03/2019 11:57

I think 2 weeks is too long really. I'd probably agree to 5 days or a week. I wouldn't prevent him from having an experience just because I wanted to share it though.

C0untDucku1a · 18/03/2019 11:57

How old is your mother?

Theres no way my parents would manage my children for two weeks. My children ate the same age as your ds. Well they could manage but the children would be bored and miserable. Even when i was a child my parents would take an afternoon nap on holidays and leave me and my sister, under 10, in the room for a couple of hours just to play silently. They were only in their forties then! When my dc were 2 and 4 my parents took then awya to scotland for the night before i joined them the evening after. 24 hours they had them. 3 hours of that was driving so no issue there. 10 hours was sleeping time. When i arrived my parents were angry with each other and the children were miserable. They couldnt cope at all. They were 60’s then. My dad very late 50’s.
Id say no.
But really work on saving to go abroad.

woollyheart · 18/03/2019 11:57

I've been on a few holidays with grandparents and children. I could join in most of the things my children wanted to do. Grandmother physically couldn't and just wanted a holiday sunning herself, eating and drinking. There can be quite a difference between what a parent and a grandparent can manage physically- plus the parent has built up stamina looking after them the rest of the year.

Alsohuman · 18/03/2019 11:58

Presumably you still have the energy levels and stamina you still had as a young woman @Bertrand. Lucky you because I certainly haven’t.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2019 11:59

How old is MIL?

BertrandRussell · 18/03/2019 11:59

The grandmother concerned is 60.

C0untDucku1a · 18/03/2019 12:00

Thats a definite no from me then.

MrsJayy · 18/03/2019 12:02

If you are trying to insinuate ageisim Bertrand then you are wrong

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2019 12:02

Ah yes sorry her age is in the OP. At 60 I don’t think it’s a problem tbh. If she’s fit and healthy obviously.

HexagonalBattenburg · 18/03/2019 12:04

My mum was on about taking my two (age 6 and 7) away abroad this year and I was utterly fine with it. As it turns out she's waiting for an operation and with the debacle that is Brexit as well they've decided to hang fire on booking anything at present but they'll probably have the kids for a couple of weeks of the summer holidays and either take them away within the UK or on day trips out anyway. They've done that for a couple of years now - the kids adore going. We've never taken them abroad but I'd not be upset if grandparents were the first to take them out of the country (I bloody hate flying).

They go away with the in-laws as well on occasion - not for AS long because MIL has a history of not listening to instructions regarding DD2's health issues so it's trying to balance giving them the chance to build relationships with their grandparents along with minimising the time available for things to get fucked up. This is not indiscriminate MIL hatred - this is us giving chances again and again and it backfiring how it has done (DD2's been returned to us in nappies and back incontinent in the past and they just let DD1 run absolutely bloody wild meaning she's a nightmare when she returns)... they're away for the weekend with them next week but at present I wouldn't let them go away with her for longer than that.

The only reservation I would have is that I know when mine do go away with grandparents DD2 tends to have a little wibble about day 3/4 and wants to ring me and check I'm not doing anything interesting without her basically - I'm happy to go and get her early if she wants to go home, but she never wants to do this - but obviously overseas I'd not have that option.

Alsohuman · 18/03/2019 12:06

Are you 60 yet, Duck? I’m amazed at all these women who seem to have aged so much better than me. Did I miss out on the elixir of youth everyone else seems to have got.

Karigan195 · 18/03/2019 12:07

My parents have taken my son a few times over the years. They have a whale of a time and it’s certainly not drinking and Sunning themselves. I’m astonished at how much they get done. I’d let them take him any day with no concerns.

Eatmycheese · 18/03/2019 12:08

How well do your know her partner?

In any event, no I wouldn’t say yes.

Chocolate50 · 18/03/2019 12:09

You know your DS and if he wants to go I would let him.
I think some of your posts read a little on the over protective side - but maybe I am too relaxed as a parent, I don't think my parents would have offered to do this, it is a very generous offer you are lucky to have family who have offered this, I know parents who have no one at all that will help, let alone take their children on holiday! if you think that they can deal with your DS I say go with your gut instinct.
Maybe you could renegotiate the timeframe, perhaps say that you are comfortable with a one week holiday as you are worried that he will be homesick? that might be a good compromise, or suggest them taking him somewhere closer to you?

Mmmmbrekkie · 18/03/2019 12:12

Too long

I suspect this wouldn’t be an exploring holiday. More like Spanish all inclusive resort? Fair enough but point is don’t worry about him missing out on an “experience”.
Ok so he won’t get to go on a plane, but he’s young and can do that with you in the future

AspergersMum · 18/03/2019 12:13

Never in a million years, is my vote. Too long for a child that age, too far especially if you can't easily afford to go out partway thru in case of a problem, and too much trust and you've said you are concerned about certain things like drinking. Just no. What an odd "gift" too, taking your child but not you. Maybe some boundary issues there.

lyralalala · 18/03/2019 12:13

I don’t think the grandmother’s age should be the focus, but her energy levels. My MIL is 60, but she’s far fitter and more able to look after young kids than my 40yo SIL.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2019 12:16

Why are people saying it’s odd that she’s asked if her grandson can come as it’s birthday? I don’t understand.

Dippypippy1980 · 18/03/2019 12:17

Two weeks is a long time for big your son and your mil.

It will really change their holiday - do you trust them to closely monitor him at all times in the pool? To constantly keep his suncream topped up? Would he get bored?

I would see if she will consider a shorter time period - five to seven days seems long enough,

PlasticPatty · 18/03/2019 12:24

Do not allow it.

Just because you don't want to. No other reason necessary.

She had her chance at being a mum, now it's your turn. What you say goes.

When he's eighteen he can go on holiday with his gran if he likes.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2019 12:26

She had her chance at being a mum, now it's your turn. What you say goes

What a strange and rigid attitude. Why do you think this woman wants to pretend she’s his mum as opposed to his grandma?

reluctantbrit · 18/03/2019 12:27

I would be more concerned that they don't know what it is like to take an overexited 8 year old on a Summer holiday.

Are they able to keep up with him in a waterpark or busy pool? 8 year olds are not known for wanting to lie on a pool chair and getting a tan, DD at that age had to be tied down under threats to have a break.

Kids clubs are nice but I don't think it would be right expecting him to be there every day if that is what they plan.

Spain in Summer is super hot.

Drinking - while I do understand your point I think it would be absolute unreasonable to expect everyone else to do this your way.

Alsohuman · 18/03/2019 12:30

This “she’s had her turn at being a mum” really boils my piss. Yes, she has and now it’s her turn to be a grandparent.

PlasticPatty · 18/03/2019 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Alsohuman · 18/03/2019 12:37

Nice.

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