To be hurt to be told “not interested”?

[Bathalfcomplainer]

So DH ran the Bath Half marathon yesterday. I was supporting with the kids (2 and 5) and after watching the start, we traipsed around Bath battling crowds to get to a play area. The usual hassle but had a good time there, until DD#2 decided to poop herself. This is unusual - she’s 99% potty trained during the day. So I had no spare change of clothes! So we are in the pay toilets trying to clean up when DD#1 is sick over the pram (too much spinning on the roundabout).

Total panic. Both crying, both filthy, this toilet is filthy too but at least has a baby change table.

Finally manage to improvise a pair of trousers out of a coat (it’s freezing). Eldest refuses to move. Manage to drag her out and up the hill with the promise of letting her watch YouTube later (which I hate - this is my bribe of last resort).

We were on track to watch DH cross the finish line before all this, but now had no chance of making it across town in time. DH phones to ask where we are. He’s super fuming that we weren’t there to see him. I say I know, I’m sorry, please listen to why. But he hangs up and texts “not interested”, and then more about being “let down”, and “you have no respect”. He says “I’ll see you at home”.

(An empty threat as I had the park & ride tickets).

We eventually meet up about 40 minutes later after I’ve dragged two filthy screaming crying girls back across town. We agreed to just head home.

He later admits he was being unfair but doesn’t go so far as to apologise. Now, the next day, he tells me he’s feeling depressed about how we weren’t there for him and didn’t go out for pizza afterwards like he wanted.

By the way, for context, this is his 5th half marathon, and he did more than 25 races last year, and I nearly always have the kids while he does this. We always try to watch him at the finish and most of the time we make it, but the reality of kids aged 2 and 5 is that hanging around waiting in cold, entertainmentless race venues doesn’t always make this possible!!! And he’s always raging when I’m not there cheering.

Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt at this situation?

No yanbu and I'd not be dragging the kids out again to watch any more of his triumphs now either.

You are not even slightly unreasonable. No more watching, unless it's at a time and place that suits you and the kids. Since he can't handle being disappointed after a race, you'd better let him down in advance. It's no fun for the kids, it's worse than no fun for you - he's being exceptionally selfish. Tell him now, and get the upset all over and done with in one go.

Nope. What a selfish twunt. You have more patience than me taking them to all those races.

He isn't 6 at the school sports day. He has an unrealistic approach to having 2 young dc and still living an adult only life!!

Not at all U! What a big baby he is. I would have struggled not to reply "Not interested" when he was moaning on about being depressed the next day!

He’s a big meaney isn’t he? All me me me.

Did he not care about his kids welfare? Your welfare? Just look at me me me.

To compete in that amount of races he must do a lot of hours training. Who’s looking after the kids while he does this?

You don’t have to take this nonsense, you teach people how to treat you.

He is very childish and self centred IMO.
Is he like this about other things?

What a selfish sod! I’m assuming you are the one left whilst he’s training. I can understand in general being hurt but it’s not like you were in Costa having a coffee. He’s very far over the line and should be apologising.

He's a knob. And needy by the sound of it.

Don't waste anymore time traipsing around after him - not fair on you or your children.

I compete occasionally in races (triathlons) and would never expect my family to give up their time to watch me. If they want to then great, if not that's fine.

Honestly, he sounds like a sulky child, most people wouldn’t expect their young children to be at the finishing line of an event just to cheer them .

YADNBU - don’t bother going when the next race comes around.
And I hope he has the good grace to apologise! Twat.

Obviously yanbu!

The question is what are you going to do about him treating you and his DC like shit?

Yanbu in the slightest. You had a horrible day and he is the one sulking. I never comment on relationship based threads, but he sounds like a right childish, selfish brat.

I suspect you’re a lot softer and kinder than me as I would have told him to fuck off with his pathetic selfish whining. Did he think you chose to have the experience of mess and crying?

What a twat. Why does he need his young dc and wife to watch him? It's boring and pointless, fair enough if he enjoys it but why force it on others? And then being a dickhead about something that went wrong outside of your control. What a massive manbaby. Nothing you've done is unreasonable OP, this is all on your ridiculous husband.

YANBU, he's being a dick.

He wasn't unreasonable to be disappointed at first because you'd made arrangements to be at the finish and go for pizza. He absolutely was being a colossal dick head to say "not interested" and hang up on you, knowing you were with his 2 and 5 year old. A decent parent's thoughts would go instantly to something bad having happened to the children! I'd instantly assume an accident and hospital! Sick and shit are more than reason enough though.

Any adult who expects their entire family's life to revolve around them and their hobby is a dickhead though. First marathon/ half marathon you are there at the finish if possible but after that it's just their hobby, it doesn't take precedence and it's enough that you're already doing more than 50% of childcare for small children so he can train and compete.

Do you demand equal levels of full on child-wrangling spectator support from him for anything?

Selfish beyond belief. How utterly self-absorbed! I used to run and do races and would never expect a cheer leading squad at the finish line. I find that cringeworthy and needy tbh. Did he even ask how the DC were, did he help you clean them up and look after them when you got home?!

I definitely wouldn't be attending any more races with him. And I hope that you have equal time to yourself because race training takes a lot of time, and that's not to mention the cash for decent shoes, entrance fees etc.

Selfish and downright nasty not even listening to you.

Does he do his bit with the dcs while you go and do your thing, op?

Very precious isn't he?

I would find this extremely unattractive, weak and pathetic.

What a childish arse. Doesn’t give a stuff about you or the kids and clearly doesn’t have any understanding of how difficult it is to manage two small children who are being dragged around purely to bolster his huge ego. I would refuse to go to anymore of his races and I’d tell him he needed to step up his parenting pronto. Twat.

YANBU. I understand this is an achievement for him, but he's being totally unreasonable to expect you there as a cheerleader every time with two small kids in tow. He's was particularly unreasonable not to be more understanding this time, when you had two kids to clean up. I agree with PP, I wouldn't be there next time.

You should have taken the car and gone home. Your children were left dirty and uncomfortable. They should be your priority. Imagine if your child's teacher or nursery did this, you would go ballistic.

Silly little man-child. He needs to grow the f up and stop being such a selfish twat - exactly how much fun does he think it is for you and the kids to trial about in the freezing cold to watch him run about?! I compete in a sport and don't expect my OH or kids to spend their leisure time basking in my glory 🤨
Tell him you'll bother to come out and watch him finish when he does a full marathon like a big boy 😉

This can't be true; no one is that much of a dick surely?

What a complete arse you were seeing to the welfare of your children that should come first why does he think his want for attention come before their needs hope you and your girls are OK