To be hurt to be told “not interested”?

[Bathalfcomplainer]

So DH ran the Bath Half marathon yesterday. I was supporting with the kids (2 and 5) and after watching the start, we traipsed around Bath battling crowds to get to a play area. The usual hassle but had a good time there, until DD#2 decided to poop herself. This is unusual - she’s 99% potty trained during the day. So I had no spare change of clothes! So we are in the pay toilets trying to clean up when DD#1 is sick over the pram (too much spinning on the roundabout).

Total panic. Both crying, both filthy, this toilet is filthy too but at least has a baby change table.

Finally manage to improvise a pair of trousers out of a coat (it’s freezing). Eldest refuses to move. Manage to drag her out and up the hill with the promise of letting her watch YouTube later (which I hate - this is my bribe of last resort).

We were on track to watch DH cross the finish line before all this, but now had no chance of making it across town in time. DH phones to ask where we are. He’s super fuming that we weren’t there to see him. I say I know, I’m sorry, please listen to why. But he hangs up and texts “not interested”, and then more about being “let down”, and “you have no respect”. He says “I’ll see you at home”.

(An empty threat as I had the park & ride tickets).

We eventually meet up about 40 minutes later after I’ve dragged two filthy screaming crying girls back across town. We agreed to just head home.

He later admits he was being unfair but doesn’t go so far as to apologise. Now, the next day, he tells me he’s feeling depressed about how we weren’t there for him and didn’t go out for pizza afterwards like he wanted.

By the way, for context, this is his 5th half marathon, and he did more than 25 races last year, and I nearly always have the kids while he does this. We always try to watch him at the finish and most of the time we make it, but the reality of kids aged 2 and 5 is that hanging around waiting in cold, entertainmentless race venues doesn’t always make this possible!!! And he’s always raging when I’m not there cheering.

Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt at this situation?

Decent people do not hit children around the head.

At first you said he was only mega grumpy after a race, but today he got off work early and has been chilling on the sofa watching his shows and he escalated to "clipping" (minimising word for hitting) your toddler. He's a liability. Please be honest with yourself about his behaviour.

That’s odd, why delete all the other posts but leave this?

What a dick!

Another vote here for not dragging 2 young kids out in the freezing cold to erm gleefully cheer on his victory ... I mean he's done this several times now - yawn 🙄

He's selfish & it's all a little bit cringey now. And anyway he should be running these marathons for himself not to be cheered on... he's acting like a child & quite pathetic!

Oh OP, I'm sorry you've become so used to being treated like this.

Most abusive partners are just about nice enough to then get away with being abusive the rest of the time, as if it was 100% of the time you'd leave. He's doing just about enough for you to think, oh but if I left I'd have to do xyz, I can't manage without him.

Imagine a life where dc and you aren't walking on egg shells waiting for 'the next time', where someone doesn't roll their eyes at you when you've got a headache and cooking dinner and looking after dc whilst they're watching TV, where your kids are 100% safe (the ear clip will only escalate). Imagine eventually meeting someone else who thinks you're bloody amazing for organising a surprise birthday holiday rather than exploding because you didn't get a card.

You genuinely sound like a terrific mum, you could absolutely do this on your own and I do think that you and your kids will be happier.

You genuinely sound like a terrific mum

A terrific mum who stands by passively while her 5 year old is ‘clipped’ round the head. And will do something about it ‘next time’. Yeah, really terrific. ☹️

Those clips round the head will get worse. I speak from the experience of a child in a dysfunctional relationship.

Op. You have the power to change this. If you don't you will pay later down the line 🤷🏻‍♀️

Terrific mums don't stand idly by while fathers assault their children imhe.

This is the reason I have no contact with my mother.

But op will find out in time.

Your husband is a knob.

Haven't RTFT, but, I have run 3 halfs (which is quite a big achievement for me, if I am honest) but have never expected DW/DC to wait to see me at the end. I just make a quick phone call.

OP, you wrote that your daughter was fine two minutes after her father hit her. Are you very concerned about this? Why is she behaving like a grown man and attachment figure smacking her across the head is no big deal? It sounds like it has been normalised for her. My children would be hysterical if their father hit them, as would I.

It sounds like you have very low standards for the treatment of your children. It's incredibly depressing.

You need to read up on acquired brain injury in young children OP.
Especially those caused by alleged "clips on head".