To be hurt to be told “not interested”?

[Bathalfcomplainer]

So DH ran the Bath Half marathon yesterday. I was supporting with the kids (2 and 5) and after watching the start, we traipsed around Bath battling crowds to get to a play area. The usual hassle but had a good time there, until DD#2 decided to poop herself. This is unusual - she’s 99% potty trained during the day. So I had no spare change of clothes! So we are in the pay toilets trying to clean up when DD#1 is sick over the pram (too much spinning on the roundabout).

Total panic. Both crying, both filthy, this toilet is filthy too but at least has a baby change table.

Finally manage to improvise a pair of trousers out of a coat (it’s freezing). Eldest refuses to move. Manage to drag her out and up the hill with the promise of letting her watch YouTube later (which I hate - this is my bribe of last resort).

We were on track to watch DH cross the finish line before all this, but now had no chance of making it across town in time. DH phones to ask where we are. He’s super fuming that we weren’t there to see him. I say I know, I’m sorry, please listen to why. But he hangs up and texts “not interested”, and then more about being “let down”, and “you have no respect”. He says “I’ll see you at home”.

(An empty threat as I had the park & ride tickets).

We eventually meet up about 40 minutes later after I’ve dragged two filthy screaming crying girls back across town. We agreed to just head home.

He later admits he was being unfair but doesn’t go so far as to apologise. Now, the next day, he tells me he’s feeling depressed about how we weren’t there for him and didn’t go out for pizza afterwards like he wanted.

By the way, for context, this is his 5th half marathon, and he did more than 25 races last year, and I nearly always have the kids while he does this. We always try to watch him at the finish and most of the time we make it, but the reality of kids aged 2 and 5 is that hanging around waiting in cold, entertainmentless race venues doesn’t always make this possible!!! And he’s always raging when I’m not there cheering.

Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt at this situation?

I wouldn't want to go to that and I'm in my 30s never mind being 5 or 2 and having to watch that.

Your husband is being an arse.

When do you get time off in the year to do what you want to do?

Now, the next day, he tells me he’s feeling depressed about how we weren’t there for him and didn’t go out for pizza afterwards like he wanted

How dramatic.

I would have lost my shit at him simply for that comment alone.

i'd have taken him at his word and gone home with the kids and the park and ride tickets

then when he made contact about how he was getting home he could have had a "not interested" text right back

This pathetic excuse of a man needs a good deal of straight talking about being a responsible family man. What a wanker.

Wtaf??

Whingeing, crying, attention-seeking manbaby!

Have you told him that you’re not his mummy, and you have his actual children to look after?

I’d stop supporting him in his running if he’s going to take the piss like that. I’d ensure that for every run he takes, he looks after the children for the same amount of time so you can go and do something you want to do. For every race he runs I’d cash in a day to myself at the weekend. What a selfish, entitled manbaby.

I would have been doing that anyway, tbh, as I am an equal in any relationship and don’t just exist as an unpaid skivvy, default parent, doer-of-shitwork and general facilitator of man-stuff. But if you haven’t, you need to.

Stop traipsing around after him as well, it’s not a nice day out for your children.

YADNBU!! I have ran many 1/2 and full marathons I'd never expect DH to be at the finish, never mind with kids! Spectating is actually very boring, why on earth does he think a 2 and 5 year old would want to watch? Maybe once or twice, but every time? He sounds very self obsessed, especially as he appears to run regularly and expects you to look after DC. I'd be telling him this too

Barbarafromblackpool there are men like this - I know someone married to the cyclist version. The men are unbearable but often seem to have found a woman who will be their doormat-cheerleader combo sadly. Support is a one way street flowing towards the "sporty" man, always. I suspect that they will end up divorced though. The one I know is already on marriage number 2.

He sounds utterly pathetic.

He sounds quite obsessed with running. Fair enough, but he is an idiot to expect the whole family to be as invested in his hobby as he is. It is usual for families to come and cheer at the first few races, but after that, only if there are things for the children to enjoy as well.

He is an absolute childish selfish A-hole and I’m fuming on your behalf

It’s a half marathon not a sodding OBE.
And not even his first one- what a ridiculous fuss.

I run and have never expected or asked DH to drag the kids along even to events like the London marathon. It’s no fun for kids and it’s my hobby and it’s lovely that he will have a day with them alone whilst I run as it is without adding travel and hanging around into the mix.

I would be so so angry with your DH if I was you.

I simply cannot comprehend a grown man behaving like that. He should have been apologising to you that you had had such a difficult day.

I certainly wouldn’t ever go along again if I was you.

Ugh. This is genuinely one of the worst things I’ve read on here and I’m so fuming for you!

Does he normally behave like a spoiled seven year old?

YANBU. You really went far beyond what is required by even attempting to turn up for a half marathon. Does he expect you to fawn over him when he builds an ikea bookcase as well? Or maybe you should cheer him on each time he does a shit? He needs a reality check. His wife and children really aren’t interested in waiting in the cold form him to finish a very mundane run. He sounds like the kind of person whose parents would turn up to school sports days and rush into the field after each event to congratulate him on how wonderful he is for existing.

Seriously? What an arse he is.

Does he spend an equal proportion of time looking after the children and supporting you in your endeavors? Thought not.

Hell would freeze over before I cheered him on in another race.

My DHruns marathons and a few half marathons. So over a few years I've had kids of different ages watching. Until they're about 5, it's pure nightmare. After five it's hard but gets easier. He's an enormous twat about this. He should be thanking you profusely for dealing with the kids so he could race AND while he does all his training.

Tell him you're not coming to watch until the kids are older. Don't discuss it, just tell him that. If he comes up with stuff about it being good for them to see him doing sport or whatever, agree, and tell him they do as he trains. But don't go back after that. He has absolutely no respect for the effort you go to for him to do his hobby

Joining in with the YANBUs!!

I am a runner, but never expect family to come and watch, although lovely if they do.

Seems to me that he thinks he's far more clever and important than his wife and children, and that his needs and wishes are far more important that the rest of you.

I would ask him why he considers that his needs trump those of his very young children and you, is is simply because he happens to have "big important man genitals" between his legs??

Since he showed so little interest and support for the kids I would turn down further chances to watch him run.

Are you going to show him this thread?

I've done a fair bit of supporting a runner at races. It is fine for the first few marathons and races. After that, they need to be able to manage it on their own and accept that their children don't really enjoy hanging around waiting.

Omg tell your DH to fu** off, grow up and to stop being a selfish dick. I would of been livid if he spoke to me like that, especially when both your little ones were clearly in need to more attention than him, who just wanted his ego massaging!

Seriously your hands were full and your sat trying to explain??? Er no way. YANBU at all OP

Well more fool you, why are you putting yourself through this shit. I hope you left out the part when you let him have it, cheeky bollicks.

He sounds like a twat

How selfish of him. He should be grateful that you do all of that in the first place. What child of that age is going to want to sit around waiting for him? I wouldn't be going to the next one.

I'd have left him to make his own way home with that attitude tbh. YANBU.

I'd possibly go to watch again but only when there's a good chance of nice weather and something entertaining for the kids to do while he runs about.

Stop going. Tell him his behaviour towards you and the DC and the lack of apology mean you're no longer interested in cheering him on.

Arrange to see some friends or do something nice that you and the DC will enjoy on race days instead.

Don't feel guilty. He's being utterly unreasonable. He's treating you and the DC as if you are not human beings in your own right, with feelings and deserving of respect and kindness, but simply props in his life, there to make him feel good.

What a selfish twat he is!! Your defo not being unreasonable xx

Well isn't he a little hot house flower!! YANBU in the slightest: your DH sounds like a narcissist. My DF is one, and this is exactly how he would go on.