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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s friend sleeping in my bed...

321 replies

BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:07

Not sure if I am BU.

Was away for the weekend. DH had some friends over.

One of them (male) slept in our bed, with him. We have other places to sleep.

He thinks I’m being wildly unreasonable, but I’m quite pissed off - I’d like to think our bedroom is a private space, let alone our actual bed...!

He also didn’t tell me, I found out by accident - he wasn’t going to share this information!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 18/03/2019 18:44

No-one has said they think it will make them gay, don't be absurd. But that they find it odd when there was another bed available, and that someone else sleeping in your bed without permission makes them uncomfortable.

Oblomov19 · 18/03/2019 18:56

Maybe age groups make it different. No man my Dh's age would do it. Ever.

No woman my age would think anything of it!! Grin

If you are younger, I'm sure you wouldn't bat an eyelid!

JigsawDogg · 18/03/2019 19:39

Barrenfieldoffucks there have been comments on this thread questioning OPs husband's sexuality because he shared the bed with his friend.

QueenofmyPrinces · 18/03/2019 20:08

Maybe age groups make it different. No man my Dh's age would do it. Ever.

How old is he? My DH is 36, as are most of his friends and NO WAY would any of them choose to sleep in the bed!! And especially so if there are spare rooms available!

adaline · 18/03/2019 20:49

I'm 30 and most of my male friends would happily share a bed with another man. I don't see why there's so much uproar about it on here!

teyem · 18/03/2019 21:01

It's hardly uproar, it's just an observed difference in people's experience.

BackforGood · 18/03/2019 21:10

It was invasive and fucking weird considering there were other beds made and ready.

This ^.
Maybe it is generational, but I cannot perceive why any bloke would go, with his mate, to the marital bed and snuggle down for the night when they are in a house with spare, ready made up beds. It is beyond strange.
Pooty - my dh is a climber / mountaineer too, and would happily share a small tent with his climbing partner or other walkers he is out mountaineering with, when it makes sense, because you carry everything on your back, so it makes sense to take 1 tent. That is a completely different scenario from getting into bed with someone, when there is a separate bed, in another room you can comfrotably sleep in.

cuppycakey · 18/03/2019 21:13

So I just asked DS who is at Uni if he would share a bed with a friend if there were other bedrooms with made up beds available.

He said, no, absolutely not - "unless I really fancied him" then dissolved into laughter.

I think the consensus is that if no other beds available, not remarkable at all to share a bed. But considering there were other rooms available with made up beds, it's fucking weird!!

I would also love to know how OP "found out" about this.....it all sounds a bit odd......

MysweetAudrina · 18/03/2019 21:20

Maybe he tried one of the spare beds and it was too hard and maybe he tried another and it was too soft but when he tried yours it was just right and so he fell asleep.

QueenofmyPrinces · 18/03/2019 21:50

Maybe he tried one of the spare beds and it was too hard and maybe he tried another and it was too soft but when he tried yours it was just right and so he fell asleep.

I hope he wasn’t quite so picky about the chairs he sat in and the porridge he had for breakfast Grin

Cherrysoup · 18/03/2019 21:55

He’s not bloody Goldilocks!

I’d find it super weird if other beds were made up yet he and your dh slept in the same bed. Very odd. Even a female friend would have gone into a spare bed if she’d been staying with me. I don’t bed share except with the dh.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 18/03/2019 22:34

Maybe age groups make it different. No man my Dh's age would do it. Ever.

No woman my age would think anything of it!! 

I have to concur.

Also there's a difference between sharing a bed - gender irrelevant - for economy or convenience, and choosing it over having their own equally available comfortable separate bed.

Lou670 · 19/03/2019 07:19

Another on here that would find that very odd.

No way would my husband even want to sleep alongside a male friend in a our bed. Most blokes would just crash out on the sofa anyway and not want to share a bed with their mate.

feelingsinister · 19/03/2019 12:38

I'm genuinely confused why men (or their partners) would find it so unacceptable for two men to share a bed.

Can someone explain why please?

IamPickleRick · 19/03/2019 12:45

I’m in the hypocrite camp. I share my bed regularly with my BFF after a night out but if DH did it (he wouldn’t) I’d think WTF. Mainly because we’d sit there for ages bitching about stuff and laughing and rerunning the night and probably drinking some more and eventually just nod off. DH and his friends wouldn’t be so childish Grin and would just say their goodnights and go off to their rooms.

And yep, even if there are other beds available me and BFF would pick to be together.

BlueMerchant · 19/03/2019 12:49

I wouldn't like it at all OP. I'd feel like my space had been invaded.

teyem · 19/03/2019 12:52

Yes, because prevalent hetero-normative narratives about masculinity have been achieved through the figurative and literal abjection of anything feminine, homosexual or in any other way 'othered'.

Now, you can tell me that things have changed and I'll take your word for that and celebrate the fact that there has been progress but I'd suggest that the above situation is still true for most heterosexual men - especially older men.

teyem · 19/03/2019 12:54

It's not hypocritical to say it's unusual. You can't have a hypocritical observation.

Musti · 19/03/2019 13:33

I've shared a bed with friends many times over the years but as an adult only when there have been no other beds available or cheaper to get a room in a hotel etc. It is weird. We're they really drunk?

Strugglingtodomybest · 19/03/2019 16:20

Do none of your friends ever go in your bedroom? Because mine come in mine all the time? Obviously with me

Ooo matron! Lucky you Wink

NoImNotSpecial · 19/03/2019 17:28

Sorry, that is weird and you are not being unreasonable. I would be suspicious of why they shared a bed, and very unhappy about the intrusion on my private space. My husband would rather sleep on the floor than in a bed with his friend.

onegiftedgal · 19/03/2019 17:28

It's very weird. Wonder why he didnt just sleep on the floor?

DarlingNikita · 19/03/2019 17:35

I think it's a bit weird, when there's other places he could have slept. And it's weird for your DH not to tell you.

Fowles94 · 19/03/2019 17:36

Anybody can go in my room, all private things are in cupboards or drawers. I'm quite easygoing though so understand not everyone is the same.

BenjiB · 19/03/2019 17:41

I’d be furious !