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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s friend sleeping in my bed...

321 replies

BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:07

Not sure if I am BU.

Was away for the weekend. DH had some friends over.

One of them (male) slept in our bed, with him. We have other places to sleep.

He thinks I’m being wildly unreasonable, but I’m quite pissed off - I’d like to think our bedroom is a private space, let alone our actual bed...!

He also didn’t tell me, I found out by accident - he wasn’t going to share this information!

AIBU?

OP posts:
pootyisabadcat · 18/03/2019 15:47

DH is a mountaineer. He regularly sleeps in tents smaller than most mattresses with another man. I'm surprised at all the upset about this. Still, what's done is done.

Halloumimuffin · 18/03/2019 15:57

So much toxic masculinity and homophobia in this thread. Yes, any men comfortable sharing a bed MUST be gay Hmm

The AIBU from the OP is whether or not she's BU to not like people in her bed, which while it wouldn't bother me much, I can see why it would others.

But Jesus, half the men I know would happily share a bed with their mates. I've seen them cuddle up and spoon when drunk enough.

teyem · 18/03/2019 16:01

I'm not homophobic. I didn't say it means that they are gay, I said I thought it was unusual. And I said that to someone who made a bizarre analogy about Michael Jackson.

cloudymelonade · 18/03/2019 16:03

When DH works away, I've had friends over a few times and ended up sleeping in our bed with them after a bottle glass of wine and a film. But maybe that's weird, who knows. I wouldn't be bothered if DH did the same

teyem · 18/03/2019 16:03

It's not toxic masculinity to say it's unusual for heterosexual men to get in to the same bed. It's toxic masculinity when men are raised to build in patterns of behaviour that abject associations with homosexual behaviour.

Halloumimuffin · 18/03/2019 16:05

Perhaps it is a generational thing (although I don't know anyone's ages here) because I do honestly find it strange that this is considered unusual. I absolutely do not know a single person who would bat an eyelid at men sharing a bed. Maybe it's because I live in London where we all live in shoeboxes and there aren't spare rooms available.

NameChangeNugget · 18/03/2019 16:07

No idea why there’s so much excitement about this.

Change the bedding, job done

ErickBroch · 18/03/2019 16:29

Wouldn't find this weird at all.

coconutpie · 18/03/2019 17:36

YANBU, I would be disgusted and feel like my privacy had been invaded. As your DH already knew that your bedroom was out of bounds, then it's a complete lack of respect to then invite one of his friends to sleep in your bed. Wtf was he thinking?

Also, how did you accidentally find out about all this??

Oblomov19 · 18/03/2019 17:41

I think women are men are very different about these things.

my husband is like totally no no this is a total no-no. He'd rather sleep on the lounge floor rather than share a bed, a double bed, with ANY man. he thinks it's very odd.

Whereas me with my 3 closest female friends when we go on holiday together to Prague, Budapest, Berlin, a double bed, for us two and another double for the other 2, if singles aren't available. and don't think anything of it.
Enjoy it actually.

BlackPrism · 18/03/2019 17:44

DPs best mate does this if I'm away, I'm not bothered tbh

Oblomov19 · 18/03/2019 17:45

Most heterosexual men I know, and I'm only talking say 50, would never ever ever share a bed with another man. ever.

BlackPrism · 18/03/2019 17:51

@Oblomov19 I'm 23 and can categorically say that not one of my male friends (Hetero) HASNT slept next to one of their male mates in a bed before.

It's very very normal with my generation

JigsawDogg · 18/03/2019 17:55

He'd rather sleep on the lounge floor rather than share a bed, a double bed, with ANY man

Do you not think they feel this way because people (like a lot on this thread) jump to 'oh he must be gay'?

This thread has been rather shocking.

teyem · 18/03/2019 17:57

Well, I'm 40, and I can vouch for it not being normal among my similar aged male friends. Tents and other odd scenarios not withstanding.

Come back op, how old is your dp? Grin

Maybe we should cross reference by region?

sighrollseyes · 18/03/2019 17:59

I like to think our bedroom is just for me and DH unless there was some absolute emergency situation. When my bro house-sat for me I made it clear he had to sleep in the spare room not our room, but having said that if my mum/dad etc needed a bed they could have it.

cantbebotheredtoday · 18/03/2019 18:00

Yeah I'm 26 and this would not make me bat an eyelid

QueenofmyPrinces · 18/03/2019 18:01

Most heterosexual men I know, and I'm only talking say 50, would never ever ever share a bed with another man. ever.

I just asked my husband if he’d ever share a bed with a male friend in the same circumstances as the OP’s post and he replied with a very firm “God No!” with a ‘WTF type of disturbing question is that?!’ tone to it Grin

Huskylover1 · 18/03/2019 18:06

Can't imagine my DH doing this!

And no, I really wouldn't want a strange bloke lying in my bed, and breathing in to my pillow. Just no.

ErickBroch · 18/03/2019 18:09

Very interesting, people my age seem to say the same as me - not weird! Maybe Uni life had something to do with it? No idea.

teyem · 18/03/2019 18:12

No, I went to university as did the vast majority of my friends.

feelingsinister · 18/03/2019 18:12

Some of the reactions to this are ridiculous. What is so weird about sharing a bed with a mate? I've shared beds with women and men, straight and gay that I'm not involved with. I've managed not to have sex with any of them although there was some accidental spooning once. 😄

I can sort of see why the OP is pissed off if she's very precious about her bedroom. It would only bother me if my room was a tip but otherwise my partner is more than welcome to have sleepovers.

I trust them not to try on my knickers or use my best beauty products and I'm fairly certain that sharing a bed won't make bol suddenly gay.

feelingsinister · 18/03/2019 18:13

Him not bol!

blondeemily · 18/03/2019 18:20

I wouldn't like it either OP. But after expressing my initial annoyance and letting DP know I'd prefer it if that didn't happen again, I think I'd just get over it. He obviously didn't see it as a big deal or even worth mentioning - everyone is different.

ErickBroch · 18/03/2019 18:20

teyem meant that combined with age :) I am mid-20s