DH’s friend sleeping in my bed...

[BuffetLurker]

Not sure if I am BU.

Was away for the weekend. DH had some friends over.

One of them (male) slept in our bed, with him. We have other places to sleep.

He thinks I’m being wildly unreasonable, but I’m quite pissed off - I’d like to think our bedroom is a private space, let alone our actual bed...!

He also didn’t tell me, I found out by accident - he wasn’t going to share this information!

AIBU?

I wouldn’t like anyone else sleeping in my bed. I wouldn’t want to sleep in someone else’s martial bed either. I find it very strange two men would be ok with this. I think he is possibly secretly bi-sexual or gay. I’m sorry but most men wouldn’t entertain it. Never heard of men sleeping in same bed. Women,yes but it’s just not what straight men do. The op might not be worried about this but maybe she should be. The fact he kept it a secret too. Wierd.

Hmmm

My mates would have no issues sharing a bed.
That said I wouldn’t expect 1 to join me when other beds were free. Unless it was first thing and hungover we were chatting and then fell back asleep (many times I watched MOTD in morning then feel back asleep).

*weird

I’m with the OP. I’d find it really weird and wouldn’t be at all pleased. I see my bedroom as a private place and wouldn’t want anyone except immediate family in there unless expressly invited by me. And that’s just to enter the room, never mind sleeping in the bed.

Other people obviously feel different about their bedrooms- fine- but its not U or precious to feel like this. We all have our own boundaries and expectations of privacy.

I don't have a problem with "your" bed being used, it's not unusual to let guests use the bed. But sharing with a friend (of any gender) is a bit weird if there are other beds available, I would rather sleep on the floor or the sofa than share with a friend really.

I wouldn't care. I'd change the bedding and get on with it. For years dh's friends all had big super bowl parties and would go to sleep sharing beds or mattresses on the floor. Our bedroom is also never off limits. Ds's friends love going in our bedroom because the cats sleep on our bed and they like to say hi to them.

I wouldn’t like it at all, I can’t reallt say why but I wouldn’t like it and I think that’s enough to say yanbu

This feels like some kind of parallel universe. None of my male friends would ever share a bed with a male mate if there were other beds available. It’s just weird

Agree

He's farted, sweated and dribbled into your duvet & mattress.

Enjoy that little lot!

@Sb74 It's just silly to decide that he's gay/bi just because he shared a bed with a friend.

And I'd be thinking about his smelly breath all over my nice pillows

Depends if I liked the friend or not LOL. If I hated the guy then yes I’d be pissed off especially if your DH knew how I felt, however if I wasn't bothered about the guy then I wouldn’t care. I’ve shared beds with many of my friends, female and males tbh! Legit in an unsexy way tho.. just saying😂. I do not think you are bu tho!

Anyone who is happy to sleep next to the sleep talking, fidgeting, snoring mess of a man I have must be a true friend and there hard to come by

I’d only be bothered if I thought they were having man sex and if that’s not the case then change the bed and move on.

Omg that’s the first comment I’ve ever made on any thread and I’ve succeeded in making myself sound like an idiot. I hope you got what I was trying to say

I’d only be bothered if I thought they were having man sex and if that’s not the case then change the bed and move on.

I'd recommend changing the sheets in both scenarios, tbf.

How weird. I couldn’t get worked up about this.

I really want to know how the OP found out.

I've shared bedspace with all kinds of people, various genders and identities. Because sometimes it's comforting. But it's a bit not OK to let someone share your bed when your partner is away if that sort of thing is not OK with said partner. I would tell him it doesn't feel OK for you and not to do it in the future.

I'm very precious about my bed. I do understand this. I'm probably lucky in that few people would happily kip in with my OH 😂

Wouldn't bother us. I happily sleep with friends and family of either sex. To us bedrooms are not private spaces tho, they are just rooms with beds in them. We leave the doors open and anyone can wander in to jump on the beds (they are usually under 7 tbf but I wouldn't be bothered if another adult went in).

AS long as DH changed the sheets (and didn't leave this to you) then I wouldn't be bothered. It's likely they were drinking and chatting (and if you have a TV in your bedroom) watching something and just fell asleep. Women do this all the time - why not men?

I think your dh may be gay or bi-curious.

I’d be pissed off if DH hadn’t changed the sheets. Part from that - MEH.

My DH and his mates get drunk and dance and sing into the small hours when they are together, they they fall asleep to raise late the next day, play golf and repeat the whole drink/dance/sing routine. They wouldn’t have the energy to be prying into my personal tat.

It really wouldn’t have bothered me. It’s just a room, like any other, in the house. And my personal stuff is all over the house, so no. I’d have been fine with it. However, I know not everyone subscribed to my way of thinking.

You're not being unreasonable. Our bed is our bed and I wouldn't allow anyone else to sleep in it except our DS. DH agrees.

I would be very suspicious that they hadn't invited a few girls back to the house and this is a cover story. Especially if you found out from someone else.