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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I’ve been wendied or just been frozen out and it hurts

164 replies

DitzyPrints · 16/03/2019 07:14

So pathetic to be upset about this as I have some really lovely friends but...
Dd started school last year and I was already friends with 4 of the mums from different settings I knew one from babygroup, one from preschool etc
As school started I invited them on play dates and introduced everyone, we went on nights out with them and DHs, bbqs etc for the last few months I’ve felt a frosty atmosphere with one in particular at school gates. There’s been some nights me and Dh not invited to but again last night they were all out again and it’s plastered all over social media.
Not sure what I’ve done but it hurts and they must know they are rubbing my face in it.

OP posts:
WhereIsMyTVRemote · 16/03/2019 07:15

Do you think your child has done anything to upset theirs? Instead of talking to you they're freezing you out?

Ultimately you will only know by asking, to be honest.

Original poster
DitzyPrints · 16/03/2019 07:17

No my dd is good friends with a couple of their dc and the others are in different class so wouldn’t have thought that.

OP posts:
MRex · 16/03/2019 07:17

Are you aware of anything at all that happened, however small, that might have annoyed her? Have you sent a message to ask her? Has anybody else commented to ask where the Ditzys are?

Original poster
DitzyPrints · 16/03/2019 07:19

Think you’re right about asking.
There was a sports event a couple months ago most of group went to with kids so I did msg one of them - ‘that looked like a fun time you should have said we’d have come’ she replied that they hadn’t arranged it but just all ended up there at the same time 🤔

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 16/03/2019 07:20

I think if you want to know then you need to confront the problem, not angrily but approach in a ‘things have changed, can you explain why?’

See what you get. It does sound hurtful.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 16/03/2019 07:21

Yanbu to find that hurtful and of course they will know you can see the pictures on social media. Do you think there may be one in particular who is influencing the others?

malificent7 · 16/03/2019 07:22

Uuugggrrr...i hate this kind of bullshit. Happened to me. Predictably they all fell out and have come crawling back.

Original poster
DitzyPrints · 16/03/2019 07:23

Yes I think so. I think if I asked any of the others at this point they’d end it telling the group what I’d said.

OP posts:
Original poster
DitzyPrints · 16/03/2019 07:34

Or is it best if it is out in the open?

OP posts:
ataleoftwothenthreethenfour · 16/03/2019 07:37

Nightmare. I hate this sort of thing. I think in this situation, is there one that you are a bit closer to, that you could invite round for coffee and a chat, and ask in a casual way?

MRex · 16/03/2019 07:38

If it's just one person freezing you out, then yes it's better in the open so that others can call them on it. Otherwise if you've inadvertently done something to annoy them then again one person might let you know what that is.

Original poster
DitzyPrints · 16/03/2019 07:39

Would it be completely unreasonable to message all of them something like ‘last night looked fun. Hope we’ve not done anything to offend?’

OP posts:
Guineapiglet345 · 16/03/2019 07:39

I think you haven’t really got anything to lose by asking them, they sound horrible though so maybe you’re well rid?

BlueMerchant · 16/03/2019 07:40

I'd probably ask the one I felt would most honestly tell me and ask. I wouldn't do it in a group where they will all just stick together I'd try and get her alone and tell her how you feel and that you want to know whats happened.

ataleoftwothenthreethenfour · 16/03/2019 07:41

I wouldn't do that, they are only going to feel defensive.

RebootYourEngine · 16/03/2019 07:42

I would ask. As pp said you have nothing to lose.

Bobbybobbins · 16/03/2019 07:43

I wouldn't send a group message as I don't think you will get a straight answer. I would get one of them in person and ask - harder for them to not give you a response. Horrible situation for you

Original poster
DitzyPrints · 16/03/2019 07:43

Logically I know I am well rid but emotionally I want to know why. Just so upset by it.

OP posts:
malificent7 · 16/03/2019 07:43

I totally would ask.if they get defensive you know they are twats.

When it happened to ne i felt they turned their noses up at my small rented property.

JenniferJareau · 16/03/2019 07:44

Are you closer to one person in the group rather than the rest who you can ask? I don't think it matters that it is out in the open, the rest of the group can't have failed not to notice your continued absence at these nights out.

AJPTaylor · 16/03/2019 07:45

They are acting like they are 12 so I would treat them like that. Unfollow them on social media. Have a fresh look at potential school mum friends. You may well find others more on your wavelength. I think there's a tendency to stick with people you know when kids start school. But this means you are excluding possible friends.

TBDO · 16/03/2019 07:47

What would it achieve to ask the group? If they do start inviting you, you’ll know it’s because you forced them to.

I’d ask the one you are closest to face to face if you really want to know. And start inviting them out and arranging things to do with the ones you are closest to as well.

Nairobe · 16/03/2019 07:47

Don't say about the offending try 'last night looked fun. X and i would love to catch up with you all again soon but I've got the impression you aren't keen anymore. Is something wrong?'

TipseyTorvey · 16/03/2019 07:52

AJPtaylor is spot on. Asking will only result in them saying 'no no nothing wrong' and telling the rest of the group. Just get off social media (the thief of all joy) accept the friendship is over and move on. They don't sound very much like the sort of people you should want for friends really. I know it stings a bit but hold your head up high and crack on with life.

ataleoftwothenthreethenfour · 16/03/2019 07:52

The thing is that there is not going to be a reason, not really. I hope they feel really bad.