I think I’ve been wendied or just been frozen out and it hurts

[DitzyPrints]

So pathetic to be upset about this as I have some really lovely friends but...
Dd started school last year and I was already friends with 4 of the mums from different settings I knew one from babygroup, one from preschool etc
As school started I invited them on play dates and introduced everyone, we went on nights out with them and DHs, bbqs etc for the last few months I’ve felt a frosty atmosphere with one in particular at school gates. There’s been some nights me and Dh not invited to but again last night they were all out again and it’s plastered all over social media.
Not sure what I’ve done but it hurts and they must know they are rubbing my face in it.

Also. We didn't go out as a "group of school mums". We went out as a group of close friends who happened to know each other initially from the playground.

friendships form. It's natural and normal.. You say you have other friends - have you always included everyone who might know that whole group? Never had smaller nights out just with your closest friends?

I tried making the point that sometimes there could be limited numbers generally @FairyDairyLand (e.g. only 8 chairs to host a dinner), but it seems people prefer the narrative that others must just be bitches and no alternative explanations will do.

I think OP is doing exactly the right thing by concentrating on other her friendships and ignoring the first group of mums. It's such a shame though.

This happened to me too some years ago. I did as other PP have suggested upthread, I asked two individual trusted (so I thought), nicer members of the group what I'd done wrong - simply in the hope I could put it right, apologise, and move on. I'm very straightforward like this. However, all I got in return were nasty personal comments, or claims that I'd imagined the situations where I'd felt left out. It came to a head when I was accidentally CC'd into a group email where they were all making arrangement for a social event without me. Even with this hard evidence, it was STILL twisted round by the other mums as if I were to blame - even the nice ones...

Some months afterwards the main ringleader who created the ostracisation apologised to me for her part and was keen to make amends. She said she didn't really know why she did it. I didn't hold a grudge, but I wasn't interested in spending any more time with them as a group.

I learnt a lot about human nature through this experience. A lot.

You said you sense a frosty atmosphere with one in particular, can you think of anything that may caused this? Think back to when it started versus the latest contact before that.

I despair of women sometimes. Why are we so horrible to each other?

Men do this too Coffee. I know women have a reputation for being the bitchy and cliquey ones but I've seen petty playschool behaviour in office politics between men that took my breath away.

But yes, I agree, it's sad. No need.

Yes men are always kind decent and upfront

I suppose you can only go by your own experiences, but never thought that straight men were as bitchy as women!

From what my DH has told me about his male colleagues, men are just as capable of playground type behaviour as women. He's a Civil Engineer in a very male dominated environment, though his immediate line manager is a woman.

Best to avoid generalisations, I think.

Exactly the same thing happened to me. I haven't confronted it I'm just keeing my distance and pretend like I don't care. But I do. It has reduced me to tears on more than one occasion. It's very isolating and I have no idea what happened. I feel like I'm back at school again.

If you're braver than me confront them otherwise try to move on - no one needs friends like that anyway.

Have you more than one child op? Because with each child comes a new set of parents and really just write this crap off, as your kid gets older they will make particular friendships and you will have only one or two sets of parents to deal with regularly.

@FairyDairyLand crikey, I think you need to read the original post properly. From what I’ve inferred it’s not comparable to what you’re suggesting. OP was friends with each one of them separately from dif settings prior to school, so happened that they all ended up with children in the same class and naturally formed a group with OP as the lynchpin. She was one of the original close friends you see. So yes what they’re doing is not the natural order of things as you’re suggesting. I do know what you mean, but that’s not the case here I don’t think.

I don't have this problem you see as no one talks to me at my sons school. It's been two years since we moved 'here' from London and folks around here don't seem to take to strangers, especially ones with a bit of pizazz 😉 and all my other friends deserted me when I got married and started my family because at the time they were still going out and getting pissed. Same thing has happened to my husband also so I know it's not just ME or a female thing. People are just wankers 😁

Having said all that my husband is my BF and the only person I can trust with my thoughts/feelings. Having a child with additional needs also means I can't go on days out, trips etc without meticulous planning due to sensory and behavioural issues.

I think social media has a lot to answer for and also my generation (I'm barely a millennial having been born in '82) and this latest one - X? - being told you can have everything you want, when you want, how you want... well they forgot to say p.s not at the expense of other ppl because you know... the most important thing is to be a decent human being who treats others with kindness.

I've never heard the term wendied but if it means ousted then it's happened to me a few times now so I've given up trying with ppl tbh.

I suppose you can only go by your own experiences, but never thought that straight men were as bitchy as women!

Of course men can be just as bitchy as women, or worse. I've worked in male dominated industries and many of them are a nest of vipers; much worse than the female groups I've encountered.