Choice of restaurant - AIBU?

[Virgo28]

Went out for friends partners birthday meal yesterday night at an Indian restaurant. She has 2 kids (8 & 12) neither kid likes curry so one sat eating nam bread and pompodoms and the other picked through a curry his mum ordered for him to try even though he said numerous times he didn't like it. I actually felt really sorry for them both and wondered why would you deliberately choose to go for a meal that you know your own kids don't like? She has joint custody with the kids dad so would have loads of opportunities to go for an Indian without the kids if they really wanted. I just don't get why you would do that. AIBU?

@atlastifoundit
🙄

Choosing something the children would have enjoyed as well as everyone else is not 'pandering' or putting the children first, it is just being a considerate host. Was there a restaurant which would also have served food which the children would have liked?

How do you teach children to be considerate of others if you are not considerate of them?

It's my dad's birthday soon - my mum hates Thai so would I deliberately book a meal at a Thai restaurant - no I wouldn't

Surely if that's what your dad wanted on his birthday your mum could just deal with it for one meal. Are there really adults out there who dislike an entire country's cuisine?

I actually take my DS everywhere.
I don't like leaving him with anyone else except DH. I know most people including all my family think I'm insane, hes 19mo and has only left me for an hour or 2 at a time for important hospital visits, and I worry about him the whole time.
Me and DH actually don't go out for meals without him. Not sure what age the fussiness kicks in tbh, but at the moment I haven't actually found anything he won't eat. He eats curry, kebab, pizza, fish, broccoli, chinese, he even tries to steal spicey foods off our plates! He's been a good eater all round for a while and I'm going to keep adding more variety and keep my fingers crossed that as he grows so does his experiences and he doesn't one day decide he hates everything.
I know adults who will only eat chicken nuggets and chips and I always think they really must be missing out.

Apparently we now live in such a self absorbed society that as long as "I" get what I want no one else matters.

I find the only people who have that attitude are the ones who have been placated too much in life. Like a child who has never had to do or try anything they don’t like once in a while, just in case it scars them for life.

Basically, DS comes everywhere with us and there would be no way I wouldn't be eating a food I want for the rest of my life because he didn't really fancy it.
No one has starved on poppadoms and naan bread.
But people have different views, I think leaving DS with other people is selfish. I don't judge other people but I was basically the family babysitter growing up and I always said if I had kids they would be completely my responsibility. And so far I've mostly stuck to that (except medical appointments hes not allowed to attend), so to me going for meals out without the kids seems worse than going to a place they don't really like that much.
But again, that's my own personal choice and I don't inflict that on others.

@Virgo28 we always had a family rule that who's birthday it was chose where we eat. It's all well and good saying parents shouldn't choose places the children don't like (and I think once in a while like a birthday it is fine) but what about when siblings wants to go somewhere where another child doesn't like? My brother always wanted Chinese for his birthday which I hated, I always wanted Indian which both of my siblings hated

Of course children dont starve eating little or nothing at a meal out but this was supposed to be a celebration, an enjoyable thing, not a penance.

If they had gone to a restaurant which would also have served food to the children's taste then it would have been a perfect opportunity to get them to taste a few different dishes without having to commit to a plateful of one thing.

@MsHopey the 'fussiness' that a lot of toddlers develop is apparently a natural developmental stage and dates back to when we were roaming forest floors. When tiny, infants would be kept close to a parent so would eat whatever their parent gave them. As they get a little bit bigger and start to roam further away from a parent that 'fussiness' is what stops them eating the dangerous red berries.

So dont be surprised if your DC does go through a 'fussy' stage. It wont be anything you have done wrong, just a sign that your DC is growing up.

YABU.

Your birthday your choice.

Pompadoms made me think of Ken from the Shuttleworths.

No big deal it was the partners birthday. If we had to please the kids the whole time it'd be pizza /Italian or pub food burgers n chips etc gets so boring. So will go Indian n Thai n different things time to time. Dd 9 still moans but picks away but Ds 11 finally is getting the taste for different things woohoo!

I think it's important for children - and everyone - to learn that at any restaurant/with any particular type of cuisine, there will usually be something on the menu that they like.

Is it a problem if they just ate poppadoms or naan bread? Poppadoms are the best bit of an Indian for me!

I think it's important for children - and everyone - to learn that at any restaurant/with any particular type of cuisine, there will usually be something on the menu that they like.

Exactly, it sounds ridiculous to say, the kids aren't fussy eaters but there isn't a single dish in Indian Cuisine that they like. Indian dishes aren't all hot and spicy, there's mild, spicy, saucy, dry, they couldn't possibly hate them all

I used to be like OP. I wouldn’t choose a restaurant someone else disliked.

Then one year my OH called me on it. He asked me where I wanted to eat on my birthday and I said “not Indian my auntie doesn’t like it, not my favourite Chinese because my mum doesn’t like it, not somewhere vegetarian because my dad likes meat...”
He was boggled that I couldn’t think about where I’d like to go without taking all these other opinions into consideration.

To be fair, he’s never asked me to go to a steakhouse for his birthday either. (I’m vegetarian.) but he has encouraged me to choose a restaurant I want on my birthday.

I think it’s a bit sad when people like me and OP have a free choice but don’t use it. Consideration is important but birthdays are one day to put yourself first.

I don't think it's a big deal. Maybe she does things that her kids like every other day of the year, and on her partner's birthday decided to let him choose something he'd enjoy. The children won't die from eating a naan bread with a sour face. I think it's good for kids to get out of their comfort zone and try new things, and also good to not always cater to their every whim when it doesn't suit everyone else.

@WarpedGalaxy Why did we keep going? Well, when you are staying with family several hundred miles away from home, and they arrange meals out, you can hardly say no, can you? And no, none of it was my fault, thanks very much. You clearly have no idea what it's like to have a child with an eating disorder. Who cares whether my scenario was the identical to the OP's or not? It was similar, and it is a free country - I can post on whatever threads I want to.

No idea what you mean @Ghanagirl