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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Choice of restaurant - AIBU?

220 replies

Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 17:53

Went out for friends partners birthday meal yesterday night at an Indian restaurant. She has 2 kids (8 & 12) neither kid likes curry so one sat eating nam bread and pompodoms and the other picked through a curry his mum ordered for him to try even though he said numerous times he didn't like it. I actually felt really sorry for them both and wondered why would you deliberately choose to go for a meal that you know your own kids don't like? She has joint custody with the kids dad so would have loads of opportunities to go for an Indian without the kids if they really wanted. I just don't get why you would do that. AIBU?

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 14/03/2019 23:42

I still get flashbacks about nam bread.

Mmmmm- I like Nam bread with garlic and agent orange.

Meandwinealone · 14/03/2019 23:49

Is this real !!!???

BunsOfAnarchy · 15/03/2019 05:51

Hahah @Virgo28 in regards to asda cafe...My DD isn't even 1 yet...still weaning, that's why!
She eats everything except when teething.
If you read properly I said its the only place she licks her plate clean NOT that it's the only place I take her. Duuuuhhhhhhhhh

BarbaraofSevillle · 15/03/2019 06:02

Even if the restaurant doesn't do chips, there's plenty of mildly spiced choices that aren't really like a typical 'curry' that they could have tried. Something like a saag paneer for example. Or maybe marinated lamb or chicken with rice, salad, breads etc.

Agree that the friend wasn't wrong to not let her DCs restricted eating dictate the restaurant choice. That's where madness lies, because it often leads to the fussy eaters forcing boring, pedestrian choices onto everyone else.

pictish · 15/03/2019 06:39

What a daft thing to pat yourself on the back about OP.

I bet there are other times you prioritise your own choices over that of your kids. Of course there are.

This is inane.

GnomeDePlume · 15/03/2019 06:44

It does seem quite bad manners to make people go to a restaurant knowing that there will be little or nothing on the menu for those people to enjoy. I wouldnt insist on making a vegetarian go to a restaurant that only had one vegetarian dish on the menu.

Going out for a meal should be an enjoyable experience for all concerned not a test of endurance.

LaMarschallin · 15/03/2019 07:06

I think I've rtft - maybe more scanned than read so I'm sorry if I've misunderstood - and I don't see why you're so worried about your friend's children not liking the food. Presumably she's doing what she thinks best for them as would many others on the thread (me included).
When you make the arrangements for a meal out it would be you prerogative to pick somewhere your children like. As would some other people on the thread.
I fail to see a problem.
I did wonder why this was relevant:
"It was her partners birthday - he is not their father."
Apologies if faulty speed reading means I've missed the reason.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 15/03/2019 07:10

@gnomedeplume - don't waste your breath, I agree but the masses on here don't get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Virgo28 · 15/03/2019 07:15

@lamarschallin. I didnt say I was worried about them I felt sorry for them, as I would anyone in that same scenario. Apparently we now live in such a self absorbed society that as long as "I" get what I want no one else matters.

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 15/03/2019 07:23

Apologies for getting the verb wrong. It's nice of you to feel sorry for them but they're probably used to fitting in with the family and don't need too much pity.

"Apparently we now live in such a self absorbed society that as long as "I" get what I want no one else matters."
Gosh, yes. I wonder how people turn out like that?

whatdoyouwantfromme · 15/03/2019 07:32

It's her partners birthday, maybe he wanted curry. Maybe your friend wanted curry. Maybe the kids we're fine with curry, then decided to be fussy when they got there for attention (as kids so often do)
Maybe, just maybe it isn't always about the kids?
One meal picked at won't do them any harm, nor will one evening spent doing something favoured by an adult in the family do them any harm.
Dear god, this is bonkers.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 15/03/2019 07:37

Again with the wrong verb - I didn't say I pitied them. The world is full of self absorbed people but at least I and my family are not.

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 15/03/2019 07:39

foureyesgood absolute genius. Laughed out loud. GrinGrinGrin

LaMarschallin · 15/03/2019 07:44

Err... no. Being picky, "pitty" was used as a noun.
Anyway, to rephrase, they probably don't need you to feel sorry for them.
At least it sounds like they're not being brought up to be part of a self-absorbed society that only cares about what "I" want.
So that's something positive Smile

LaMarschallin · 15/03/2019 07:45

You're going to correct my spelling next, aren't you...?
It's fair game.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 15/03/2019 07:50

No, I'm sure you can spell just fine. Thanks again for all the responses, time for me to do some work.

OP posts:
SammySamSam09 · 15/03/2019 07:55

I agree with you OP.
When we go out as a family we go to places we all like going to.
We wouldn't go anywhere where the kids didnt like the food because I'm not made of money so I'm not wasting it on food the kids wouldn't enjoy, I'm not feeding the kids before hand because it's my night off from cooking and I want my DC to have a nice time too.
Date night is when we try places the kids wouldn't enjoy.

Fishwifecalling · 15/03/2019 07:58

It was his birthday treat.

HeronLanyon · 15/03/2019 08:03

Seems refreshing to me for a family not to be putting children first over everything. This was his birthday ! Think it’s good for kids to know that they aren’t always put first. Obvs not to the extent of harming them or them going without food but that doesn’t seem the case here and/or I’m sure they ate something more when home etc.

TedAndLola · 15/03/2019 08:11

You're making yourself look a complete idiot by referring to Indian food as a "food group" and claiming that because these children tried a curry once, they know they don't like any Indian food. You keep making out you're so selfless but showing your ignorance repeatedly.

HoppingPavlova · 15/03/2019 08:22

I find it hard to believe they wouldn’t even eat some boiled rice.

At 8yo and 12yo I don’t see any issue at all. If they truely don’t like anything (not even plain rice) then they can suck it up there and have some toast when they get home.

Personally i give zero fucks at this point. I still shudder when remembering the endless years when my kids wanted to eat at McDonalds as their birthday meal. Don’t eat it and can’t stand the stuff but used to take them and smile (and not eat). Once they got to teens I was happy to ‘repay the favour’ and they had to go where I wanted like it or not. Even now when it’s a birthday someone won’t like the food that is another persons favourite. I have Thai lovers, Thai haters, Chinese livers, Chinese haters, pizza lovers, pizza haters - you get the drift. So invariably someone sits there just pushing some plain rice around their plate or nibbling on a piece of garlic bread and then chucks something in the microwave when they get home. The important bit is everyone sucks it up and gets in with it without a fuss so no issues.

BarbaraofSevillle · 15/03/2019 08:29

Well pizza is pizza, more or less, but like Indian food, you can't really say that you hate all Thai or Chinese food, as there's so much variety.

If you don't like curry, a dry stir fried noodle dish is completely different. Or there's marinated meat and vegetables, or fish, seafood or sweet and sour, or rice stir fries, or foo yung. Endless variety and if you can't find anything you like, then there's probably no helping you tbh.

MsHopey · 15/03/2019 08:30

Nah, they'll be sent to stay with their naan

Didn't get passed this before pissing myself. Sorry! 😂

grumiosmum · 15/03/2019 08:33

Curry is my kids' favourite meal. I can't remember the first time we took them to an Indian restaurant, but I imagine it took a while for them to get used to the flavours and style of cooking, we probably started them with something plain like chicken tikka (no sauce) & rice.

Never met a kid who didn't love a poppadum.

grumiosmum · 15/03/2019 08:39

More information on the Five Food Groups:
Vegetables and legumes/beans.
Fruit.
Grain (cereal) foods, mostly wholegrain and/or high cereal fibre varieties.
Lean meats and poultry, fish, eggs, tofu, nuts and seeds and legumes/beans.
Milk, yoghurt cheese and/or alternatives, mostly reduced fat.

Nope, not seeing Indian or curry in that list.

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