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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Choice of restaurant - AIBU?

220 replies

Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 17:53

Went out for friends partners birthday meal yesterday night at an Indian restaurant. She has 2 kids (8 & 12) neither kid likes curry so one sat eating nam bread and pompodoms and the other picked through a curry his mum ordered for him to try even though he said numerous times he didn't like it. I actually felt really sorry for them both and wondered why would you deliberately choose to go for a meal that you know your own kids don't like? She has joint custody with the kids dad so would have loads of opportunities to go for an Indian without the kids if they really wanted. I just don't get why you would do that. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 20:09

@ralphfromlordoftheflies - newsflash there are many other food groups without fish or Indian. Italian, Chinese, English, French.... Shall I go on? Not sure what people with a fish allergy eat? People with digestive issues who can't stomach spices? They must all starve.

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Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 20:16

@arethereanyleftatall. I accept your point, I was brought up with a similar birthday ritual. We were always allowed to choose our evening meal. My sister didn't and still doesn't like pizza to this day so even if it was my favourite food on the planet I wouldn't have chosen it.

OP posts:
ralphfromlordoftheflies · 14/03/2019 20:18

Lucky that your friends children don't have a fish allergy or digestive issues then.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 20:20

No they don't luckily I wouldn't wish a food allergy on anyone.

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 14/03/2019 20:21

On a positive note this thread inspired me to cook a curry for dinner. It was delicious.

LaBelleSauvage · 14/03/2019 20:27

OP: AIBU?

100% of MN: YABU

OP: IANBU

Why bother asking?

Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 20:28

@zippybungleandgeorge - I'm glad you enjoyed it. My lamb balti yesterday night was also delicious.

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ScreamingValenta · 14/03/2019 20:30

When I grew up, you were given a meal. If you didn't want to eat it that was fine but you weren't fussed around and offered something else.

Same here! You could choose the food/eating place for your own birthday, but that was about it. The choice for other meals, either daily meals or eating out, was 'eat it or leave it'.

I now eat a wide range of foods, and always look for new things to try. There are foods I dislike but my childhood taught me that eating them wouldn't kill me or even make me sick, so I'm able to eat them without a fuss if they're served to me.

crazycatlady5 · 14/03/2019 20:31

NAM bread? Hmm

malmi · 14/03/2019 20:31

Anyone who grows up refusing to eat their own country's national dish is going to have to get used to going hungry occasionally without making a fuss

Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 20:34

@"labellesauvage. The whole point of mums net is to get opinions is it not? I accept that I am in the minority or maybe the only person on here that likes to think and consider everyone invite. I'm not talking about everyday life. I'm talking about a one off special meal out where you are inviting others. It's my dad's birthday soon - my mum hates Thai so would I deliberately book a meal at a Thai restaurant - no I wouldn't.

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kenandbarbie · 14/03/2019 20:38

I think she was right, if birthday person wanted Indian kids will just have to suck it up , they'll be grateful in the long run to have been exposed to different cuisines. If they had it their way it'd probs be McDonald's. It's not like they were starving, they got nan bread.

mbosnz · 14/03/2019 20:39

My daughter is coeliac. We make an awful lot of alternative choices to accommodate that. However, there is a certain point at which the choice becomes her individual preference, and that's where the line gets drawn.

We all need to learn to accommodate others, and the lessons need to start sooner, rather than later. They're so much easier to learn that way.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 20:41

Neither are really a fan of McDonald's funnily enough they would have gone for italian or Toby carvery.

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ABoozedMoose · 14/03/2019 20:43

I really want a curry now. Possibly without nam bread though.

LaBelleSauvage · 14/03/2019 20:43

It wasn't deliberately booked to upset the children. It was booked I assume because they like indian food.

You obviously don't get it. It's not selfish.

It's bad parenting to pander to fussiness and doesn't do them any favours for later in life. They need to learn to take turns and that they will get to pick when it's their birthday. And clearly everyone else on the thread agrees.

Here's an example: I think MacDonalds is utterly vile, but if my friend or partner loved it, of course I would go with them on their birthday. I would go, not make a fuss, and feel happy afterwards that they had had a nice time. Because... I understand that not everything in the world is about me.

ValleyoftheHorses · 14/03/2019 20:49

DS is very picky. We go for meals wherever we fancy (unless it’s a treat for him) and he has to eat or not. He needs to realise being picky has consequences.
If we go for curry he eats naan bread, chips, salad and has mango lassi. It won’t kill him for one meal!

Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 20:52

@mbosnz - totally agree. For some reason most on here have assumed that just because they do not like Indian food that they are spoilt or fussy when they are neither. They have both tried curries previously and do not like. I am all for introducing different food group to kids to try whilst growing up. That's how you learn what you like or dislike. My point is that if I was inviting people out for a meal for my birthday and I knew someone didn't like a particular food i. e Indian or Chinese etc not somewhere like a pub that serves lots of different options. I wouldn't after inviting them think so and so doesn't like Chinese but I love Chinese so I'm going to book it anyway.

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Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 20:54

@labellesauvage - my point is that if I knew you hated McDonald's I would have chose somewhere we all liked - I would never knowingly invite people to eat food that they didn't like.

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kenandbarbie · 14/03/2019 20:55

But everyone has different personal preferences, you can't please everyone all the time. It's not selfish to take it in turns. Sometimes I get to eat at my favourite restaurant sometimes I have a meal I'm not that keen on because it's someone else's choice. No biggy.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/03/2019 20:56

I think there's a difference between a grown up not liking a type of food and a child. If a grown up doesn't like Chinese, then they definitely don't like Chinese and I would accommodate that. If an eight year old didn't like Chinese when he was 7, there's a chance he'd like it when he was 8. Come to think, my dds can change week to week. So, I don't think that's a like for like comparison.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 21:10

Both kids have been brought up on a wide range of foods so have a pretty broad idea of what they like or don't. I just think it's more important that the people I'm eating with regardless of age are happy, having a good time and enjoying the food. I guess I think differently to everyone else on here and that's fine because we are all individuals with different ideas.

OP posts:
iolaus · 14/03/2019 21:15

I'll be honest if there was a restaurant I really wanted to go for my birthday and the kids didn't like it, I wouldn't take the kids (I'd still go for the meal, thats what Dominos are for)

Original poster
Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 21:18

@isolaus - agreed, I'd either take the kids somewhere different and then go to the other another time. Two birthday meals instead of one lol

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 14/03/2019 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.