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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH turning down a very well paid job

322 replies

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 09:06

Will try to be short ; DH was made redundant 18months ago and ,apart from a 6 week stint as a contractor, has not worked. He could not find work so after 7 months I left my low paid but great part time job to go full time locumming to bring in more money. To cut a long story short , after 18montgs finally he has two contract job offers on the table. Option 1 - local firm doing something not related to what he is qualified in and pay reflecting this - just above NLW . But pension and sick pay etc. Option 2 - working 400 miles away , compressed hours (4 days a week) doing what he is qualified to do for 6500 pounds a month. I don't need to say that that money woild be amazing for us - for anyone but he does not want to be away from home really . AIBU for thinking he is mad and selfish ???? Help Mumsnet I need sound advice and perhaps a cold bucket of water to stop me feeling put out ....

OP posts:

Cath2907 · 14/03/2019 14:47

I lived in Wrexham until 2 months ago. Wrexham itself isn't the nicest town but there are plenty of nice places near here - Chester and the surrounds. house prices and rental prices aren't too expensive. It takes me over 3 hrs to drive the 180 miles Wrexham to Reading when the traffic is ok. Birmingham can sod up your travel times!

Barrenfieldoffucks · 14/03/2019 14:48

Of course you can be close. But not as close as a family that sees each other more. Besides, I was referring more to your assertion that families where one adult works away for months at a time god knows where are as close, not the case of the OP where he would hopefully be home at weekends.

OP, perhaps suggest to him that you and the kids go to visit him a weekend a month or something? Perhaps that way he won't have to do as much of the travel, and you'll see where he is etc

ThreeBagsFullofWool · 14/03/2019 14:49

Sounds like he's just feeling insecure and needs to get his confidence back. I think most would find it difficult to turn down that kind of money for 6 months.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/03/2019 14:51

Just a word of caution though in light of all these people saying its not long its best for family you still get quality time ect. I do know people who have worked away and just come home at weekends and it completely changes the family dynamics. The partner left at home gets into a routine that gets upset when the other partner is home, and the absent partner wants their weekend to be enjoyable family time and doesn't want it ruined by disagreements, niggles and disciplining children. They also dont want to waste precious family time by doing household tasks.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/03/2019 14:52

He wont get long weekends as Friday and Sunday will be travelling days

Alsohuman · 14/03/2019 14:59

It’s condensed hours, he’d travel home Thursday evening.

cucumbergin · 14/03/2019 15:00

and his confidence really is very low with RC promising the world then never hearing back
But DH is very fearful at the moment - I suspect he is out of practice, redundancy hit him hard and it's been a tough few months. That's why I struggle to understand why he would not just jump at this opportunity 😞

It sounds like he's scared of getting it, and not being up to speed and getting binned a few weeks in. Gentle encouragement to give it a go might be more in order than high pressure - everyone feels shit and rusty after being out of it for that time but they know he has been out and still wanted him so it's not like they don't know what they're getting.

Have you considered going up closer for Easter holidays? I.e. wouldn't disrupt school, then could do the same for summer holidays.

Did he enjoy his job previously OP? If so remind him of that. DP also had a looong break after a contract finished, messed about by recruitment consultants - it really drains your confidence horribly. Try to work out with him which it is.

If he really still can't bear it then so be it. But at least it'll be a conscious choice about what's best rather than driven by fear.

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 15:02

Thanks geek - that's good to know! Yes this could be just what his cv needs x

OP posts:

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/03/2019 15:06

It is not very advisable to drive near enough 300 miles after doing a full days work

MoBiroBo · 14/03/2019 15:12

For 6 months he should really consider it. Work out trains and accommodation costs. It will add to his CV in the field he is in.

My Dad worked all over the world, going away for up to 5 weeks at a time. It was just the nature of his job.

These days with Skype/Facetime it is so much easier to stay in touch with people. So far less lonely an experience.

Alsohuman · 14/03/2019 15:19

It may not be very advisable for a pensioner, thousands of people of working age manage it without any problem.

BlueSkiesLies · 14/03/2019 15:19

It is not very advisable to drive near enough 300 miles after doing a full days work

Meanwhile in the real world...

Fere · 14/03/2019 15:19

Def take it, days are getting longer and it's easier to do this 6 months stint and look for another job in the same profession than not to!

Barrenfieldoffucks · 14/03/2019 15:44

Condensed hours means 4 long days, so driving for 5.5 hrs after a 10 hour day sounds neither appealing or safe.

ShatnersWig · 14/03/2019 15:49

Assuming he manages to leave dead on 5 pm he's not getting home until 10 pm earliest. I think train is probably a non-starter quite honestly at 6.5 hours assuming there's still one that late from London to home.

So, a 5-hour drive every Thursday night and another 5-hour drive every Sunday late afternoon/evening?

No, sod that for a game of soldiers.

Troels · 14/03/2019 15:51

Wrexhams not bad at all. There are some very nice areas to live in if you do end up relocating. I went there for college (donkeys years ago) and more recently the Uni for 6 months. (2016)
I have friends there who have lived there since we all finished Nursing school and they are now retiring and have no plans to move away.
Lots of commuters to Chester live there. It's got some nice shops and a big hospital. Tell him to do it.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 14/03/2019 15:52

He would only finish at 5 if he had started at 7am and taken no breaks. 😱

I'm not anti working away, dh does it and it is fine for us. But this is a fair old whack away, I can understand his reluctance.

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 16:07

Thank you for the info about Wrexham- it does not sound that bad at all . Been doing a bit more research also into air bnb accommodation and there is a lovely one that the dcs and I could come up and visit also so I would be happy doing that fairly regularly . I don't think train is an option as it would involve navigating London from north to south as we live near Dover . But it's really about if We can adapt as a family in the short term for a better long term future. Do i nudge him and feel mean or support him ?

OP posts:

Skittlesss · 14/03/2019 16:15

What’s he going to do after 6mo though? Will he be happy dropping back down in salary?

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 16:29

Well I think they would review the contract and extend it or not depending on how it went and their business needs. No guarantees of course but usually there is no shortage of contract work in the pharma industry, but as some one else has pointed out up thread, Brexit has definitely made it more tricky . Hence he has done casual labouring for a bit, safety boat work mostly full time dad .

OP posts:

fanfan18 · 14/03/2019 16:35

As soon as I saw the words recruitment consultant I thought "the job's never going to happen".

The RC is likely doing a sales job on your husband AND the employer looking for a new contractor.

Skittlesss · 14/03/2019 16:37

Isn’t it weird to go from unemployed to earning so much? I feel like there’s a trick somewhere.

Skittlesss · 14/03/2019 16:37

Not with your DH - but with the recruitment agency.

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 16:43

No - I mean we are not being naive . To try and put perspective - he has a rather good but quite specialist experience / skill base. It used to be very much in demand and he was promised much by the RC and let down so company times his confidence took such a hit. Those rates of pay are normal in his line of work - but not just that it would kick start his career again. But he has been out of the field for 12 months ( he had a very short contract stint about 100miles away last year ) and as a result has been contemplating branching out - transferring what skills he can ; hence the local job in a new industry , effectively starting at the bottom rung again. Hope that makes sense!

OP posts:

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 16:45

The hours on offer were 7-6 Monday to weds and 7 -3 Thursday. He is just calling me now ...going to see what has happened. Will keep u posted

OP posts:

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