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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When the NRP stops paying...

350 replies

ThePlaceToVent · 13/03/2019 23:39

Wtf do I do?

He’s paid £40 a week for 16 years.

He’s (rather unsuccessfully) self employed and his wife gave up her job (I think) due to ill health.

Our son who has ASD and MH issues close to go to college a way away and the train costs £110 a month which we (DH and I) can not afford to pay and DS dad agreed to pay half.

The last two months he hasn’t paid (first time in 16 yrs he has let me down) and when I sent a very polite message tonight asking when he would be able to pay I got a load of abuse calling me a cunt etc and that he knows if I go through the CMA I will get nothing.

WTF do I do - and I have a full time job so cannot take in ironing.

What do

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePlaceToVent · 14/03/2019 07:49

I meant what can I do legally - not move my ASD child who doesn’t handle chain from his course which isn’t offered at the closer college.

I cannot believe the attitudes here.

I ask him perfectly politely for the liner as it’s two weeks late, he calls me a cunt and I am in the wrong.

And just because others have got nothing doesn’t make paying nothing right and presumebly you have based your outgoing on getting no incomings from the NRP.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePlaceToVent · 14/03/2019 07:49

*Change

And he DOES have a part time job.

OP posts:
Nyon · 14/03/2019 07:53

Talk to the college - your DS sounds likely to be a pupil premium child as his parents aren’t together. It’s likely that they could offer some financial support.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/03/2019 07:54

What can you do legally...

You can pursue your ex through the proper channels.

You can contact your son's college to see what financial support is available.

Sicario · 14/03/2019 07:55

What a complete and utter tosser. Outrageous behaviour. I really feel for you. I never received a penny for any of the kids and had to provide for everything myself. Hope you manage to find a solution.

Original poster
ThePlaceToVent · 14/03/2019 07:55

He isn’t pupil premium.

OP posts:
CandyCreeper · 14/03/2019 07:56

CMS cant do anything for me. They just keep writing to him asking him to pay, he doesnt they write again and so on. I havent had cms for 8 years. There isnt anything you can do.

CandyCreeper · 14/03/2019 07:59

And just because others have got nothing doesn’t make paying nothing right and presumebly you have based your outgoing on getting no incomings from the NRP.

Because weve had no choice. You will have to do the same. I was told CM isnt to be relied on.

Original poster
ThePlaceToVent · 14/03/2019 08:00

@CandyCreeper

That’s what I feared.

What an absolutely shit system.

Whereas my husband pays shed loads to his ex (which is fine) because he is employed.

OP posts:
Phillipa12 · 14/03/2019 08:00

I feel for you op. Your ASD son picked a course at a college that required train travel, your ex encouraged him and you both agreed that this was the best choice for him and an agreement was made over the payment for train fare. The fact that your son is over 18 should not make a difference when it comes to financial help for further study from both parents. Is he able to help out at all, even if its half the amount? Or has he dug his heels in and decided that hes finished paying? I do reccommend speaking to the college, they may be able to help.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/03/2019 08:00

He isn’t pupil premium

True and also not relevant. Contact the college, they can help.

needthisthread · 14/03/2019 08:00

Can your son claim PIP? Ultimately if it wasn't for his disabilities, he would have to find a PT job now.

That's not one of the criteria for getting PIP

Original poster
ThePlaceToVent · 14/03/2019 08:04

He is 16 not 18.

OP posts:
Whippit · 14/03/2019 08:05

I love people’s blind faith in CMS. They are not fit for purpose and should be fucking closed down. Immediate assessment Grin.

They wrote to my ex and gave him 2 weeks to reply “but really it’s actually 6 weeks in truth” said the lady on the phone. Oh ok, so what do you do if they still don’t reply? “Oh, well we WRITE TO THEM AGAIN” she said proudly.

Well fuck my life that’s going to terrify him!

Whippit · 14/03/2019 08:07

And I paid £20 for the pleasure of those two letters he threw in the bin!

Ask the CMS exactly how many times they have used their “extensive” powers against NRP.......I don’t think the answer will surprise you

Deadlysinner · 14/03/2019 08:11

Can the local authority pay some of the train fare? When I was in sixth form my bus fare was subsidised as the course wasn't offered within 3 miles of where I lived.

CanILeavenowplease · 14/03/2019 08:18

I guess he just may not be able to pay if his wife has had to give up work through ill health ?

So people who can't work don't have to support their children? It's one thing to say 'I am struggling because my wife is no longer working but I can manage £10 a week instead of £40 for the time being', it's quite another to say 'fuck you' Confused

Original poster
ThePlaceToVent · 14/03/2019 08:19

Can the local authority pay some of the train fare? When I was in sixth form my bus fare was subsidised as the course wasn't offered within 3 miles of where I lived

No they would not. Why should they? Why can’t his dad get some agency work (whichvhe has done before) and pay his bills.

OP posts:
Margot33 · 14/03/2019 08:20

Sounds like he's going through financial hardship himself right now. You cant make him pay it unfortunately. I would go and talk to a local college and see if you can transfer him. Make life easier and cheaper for yourself.

araiwa · 14/03/2019 08:24

If hes got no money, hes got no money

Suggest he takes in ironing from others?

ABC1234DEF · 14/03/2019 08:25

*Can the local authority pay some of the train fare? When I was in sixth form my bus fare was subsidised as the course wasn't offered within 3 miles of where I lived

No they would not. Why should they? Why can’t his dad get some agency work (whichvhe has done before) and pay his bills*

Have you checked though?
When I was at college there was an access fund - it was for students of low income families to pay for a travel pass, or course equipment or whatever. I did A-levels so mine went on bus passes but it would also cover things like uniform/equipment costs for students doing vocational courses.

Speak to his college. Yes it's frustrating that your ex has stopped payments but being pissed off with him won't solve the immediate problem.

CanILeavenowplease · 14/03/2019 08:29

If hes got no money, hes got no money

Seriously? I lose my job so that's it the, the children no longer need supporting? They will mysteriously support themselves? If the OP can't afford it, what then? Child just disappears in a poof of smoke?

He can make a token contribution as opposed to nothing at all.

Angrybird123 · 14/03/2019 08:29

It would be interesting to know just exactly how skint the ex is though. OP refers to his other son.. I wonder if he is possibly going without it having to move college, / change schools / drop a hobby as well? I bet he isn't. If you are an RP there is no option to just stop contributing and you see the immediate effect of cutting stuff out on your kids. Nrps don't.. They just see the bank balance and the reality of the child having to move / stop something is far removed. They don't have to deal with the questions or distress or upset. It's crap.

cantbearsed1 · 14/03/2019 08:31

His dad is useless. But in terms of practical solutions, there are charities that will give small grants. They will expect though to see proof of all income and costs.