When the NRP stops paying...

[ThePlaceToVent]

Wtf do I do?

He’s paid £40 a week for 16 years.

He’s (rather unsuccessfully) self employed and his wife gave up her job (I think) due to ill health.

Our son who has ASD and MH issues close to go to college a way away and the train costs £110 a month which we (DH and I) can not afford to pay and DS dad agreed to pay half.

The last two months he hasn’t paid (first time in 16 yrs he has let me down) and when I sent a very polite message tonight asking when he would be able to pay I got a load of abuse calling me a cunt etc and that he knows if I go through the CMA I will get nothing.

WTF do I do - and I have a full time job so cannot take in ironing.

What do

thinks it is a OK to stop paying for what ever reason and the RP/ex can fund their lifestyle.

He's hardly having his lifestyle funded. Sounds like he's a carer for his wife, short on funds, obviously going through a tough time - he's not exactly living the life of Riley right now. If they were still together and he was short on work the OP would still have to contribute more so I'm not sure why it's different considering maintenance is supposed to maintain the lifestyle the child would've had if their parents were still together.

He is not a carer.

^What I would do in this situation is shame the fucker. Post that lovely conversation in which you ask nicely for him to honour his freely given commitment and he calls you a cunt on facebook and instagram*

And that achieves what?

Remain impressed at your ability to remain above it OP, to not have resorted to calling people that disagree with you cunts! Would like to have seen how that would have gone down,oh the irony

He is not a carer.

His wife is disabled enough to have to have given up work. Just because you don't know the ins and outs of their situation (and quite rightly) doesn't mean he's not her carer. Regardless, he's still short on funds and struggling right now so my statement still stands that you're hardly funding him living a life of Riley as PP seems to be suggested.

I am pretty sure that OP knows the ins and outs [as you put it] considerably better than you possibly could Poesy.

I'm not sure what this thread has been entirely about really. There's a lot of MRA type narrative been going on.

I know a lot more than you do Poesy and a lot more than I am prepared to post here.

As I have already said - she child minds and homes eds their son.

He is not her carer.

you would be an utter doormat and get a second job for your ASD son rather than stand your ground and make his father pay his share

I've done just that and I am far from a doormat. What I am is a parent who puts her childs needs first, so I make sure they are sorted and THEN pursue the other parent.
You can bitch and moan all you like but if you use your child to make your point, how are you any better?

The OP is quite unpleasant, or has been in this thread. Pointing out that she actually isn't helping her child in these circumstances is NOT victim blaming.
Pointing out that the father has paid consistently for many years and this is a sudden change is NOT excusing all the 'feckless fathers' of the world.

Fact is, you cannot make someone pay. Especially anything 'extra'. Sucks but it is what it is. I would NEVER give up pursuing child support (and never did) but I would never make my child suffer whilst I stomped my feet at the unfairness of it all.

use your child to make your point . Omg, wow! Pfft!

The one making their child pay is nrp, clearly!

@CJsGoldfish

How on earth am I making my child suffer?

I paid for his train pass, I am feeding him, we have electric, gas, a roof over our heads.

He’s happily in his room right now actually - just returned from his father.

Get a grip @Smotheroffive. Nobody here is MRA. I highly doubt OP knows the ins and outs of her ex's wife's medical condition(s). Just because somebody is able to home ed their child and child mind it doesn't mean they don't have any care needs. My lovely DH manages to hold down his full time job but I am still his carer as his disability affects him quite badly. His ex sure as shit doesn't know that though as it's none of her damn business just like it's none of the OP's business and I don't think she should be so sure of his situation when she clearly knows naff all other than he's unable to pay (for once in 16 years!!)

Someone who needs 35 hours of care a week shouldn’t be child minding, home educating a child or driving my son between residences...as that is what he would need to be doing to be her carer and on carers allowance.

You don't need to be getting Carer's Allowance to be a carer.

Jesus OP, wind your neck the fuck in. I haven't seen a single post saying "aw poor ex, he must be feeling terrible about the whole thing!" or similar.

There's been loads of sympathy for the man whose son is at the bottom of his priority list.

If some of you don't want to be seen as MRAs then stop talking like MRAs.

To clarify - HE IS NOT HER CARER.

HTH.

I am so far from an MRA it's laughable to even suggest that I am. Get over yourselves.

@Hont1986 thank you! You definitely don't have to be getting Carers Allowance to be somebody's carer.

Someone who needs 35 hours of care a week shouldn’t be child minding, home educating a child or driving my son between residences

You are so wrong it's unbelievable. A person can drive but need other care help. My DH is more than capable of driving but he can't stand or walk without assistance. Are you trying to say he shouldn't be driving his DD around either?

There's been loads of sympathy for the man whose son is at the bottom of his priority list.

Of course there's been loads of sympathy. He's paid every month for the last 16 years. He's very different to somebody who has never paid or made every attempt to avoid paying. His son isn't at the bottom of his priorities. So if ex and OP were still together and one lost their job, the one who lost their job is putting their son at the bottom of the priority list? But hey if it makes you feel better assuming we're MRA then carry on.

The only person in this scenario who has done any caring is me, for our son for 16 years without fail.

Haha yes okay OP

Sounds like you are in a terrible situation to be so dependant on your ex financially when you are not on good terms and he is not totally reliable with payments.

Your financial situation sounds very precarious as you have no savings to cushion you through this kind of scenario or presumably any other unexpected financial hit. It doesn't sound sustainable OP, no wonder this is so stressful.

OP why haven't you acknowledged or thanked anyone on the thread for being supportive or offering suggestions?

I agree with some of the concerns raised here. Switching to SE to avoid or reduce CM is something I have seen time and time again. It seems the RP has to adapt, budget and cover the shortfalls which IS unfair.
OP, I dont think you will get an answer here, or not least the one you want. He agreed to pay and now he has gone back on that and no amount of name calling via text is going to change the end result; calling you a cunt for asking for his contribution is just ridiculous. The outcome is that he cannot be trusted to uphold his end of the bargain despite encouraging your son to start this course. There are three options; rebudget and find whatever shortfall there is until June or July when he breaks up then reconsider his options for returning in September (apprenticeship?), pull him out now and find an apprenticeship locally or switch courses to a local college/sixth form that may run something else he fancies. Each one will be your son having to change because his Dad did not pay up but being angry does not solve the issue. Perhaps a face to face to discuss his options if you could guarantee you would not lose your shit and pan him with the nearest inanimate object.

pan him with the nearest inanimate object

You will find a way OP, you have clearly been through lots worse,without support and pulled your DC through, despite those out to get you, keep strong, you will find a way out of this too.

Thank you 😊