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AIBU?

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Original poster

When the NRP stops paying...

350 replies

ThePlaceToVent · 13/03/2019 23:39

Wtf do I do?

He’s paid £40 a week for 16 years.

He’s (rather unsuccessfully) self employed and his wife gave up her job (I think) due to ill health.

Our son who has ASD and MH issues close to go to college a way away and the train costs £110 a month which we (DH and I) can not afford to pay and DS dad agreed to pay half.

The last two months he hasn’t paid (first time in 16 yrs he has let me down) and when I sent a very polite message tonight asking when he would be able to pay I got a load of abuse calling me a cunt etc and that he knows if I go through the CMA I will get nothing.

WTF do I do - and I have a full time job so cannot take in ironing.

What do

OP posts:
WhiteCat1704 · 15/03/2019 09:45

Why can't the 16year old get a part time job? Stacking shelves or McDonald's one day per week on weekend.

I do feel for you as far as self employed NRP contributions go. DSDs mother pays 0 all the while driving a brand new car and owning two houses. CSM have been on it for years now and it will likely take years still.
DSD has had various part time jobs since 16. Fast food, hotels, babysitting, cafes etc. She is also in a college and most of her friends have part time jobs.

cantbearsed1 · 15/03/2019 09:47

He has a part-time job, but does not use the money for his travel.

WhiteCat1704 · 15/03/2019 09:54

Well if he has a part time job he will have to pay for it. OP should explain she can't afford it and the son should ask his father directly or pay it himself.

16 is very close to adulthood..may be a valuable life lesson.

Schuyler · 15/03/2019 09:57

FFS, the OP does not owe anyone a breakdown of her personal finances. She’s - rightly - pissed off that her ex has opted out of paying for his son because of financial difficulty. There are so many parents on here who are, or have been, in dire financial straits, we can’t just be like “sorry, kid, no food for the next month and no electricity”. To be honest, even if the OP was a millionaire, the ex should be paying for his son.

Also, the ex has behaved badly. It doesn’t sound like he’s been apologetic or desperately trying to ensure his son has the basics, he’s just dumped it on his son’s mother completely.

Look OP, it sucks and you’re not to blame. Your son is obviously entitled to money from his father but as it may not be forthcoming, perhaps you and DH need to have another full review on household income and outgoings and see if you can squeeze temporarily. I know you shouldn’t have to but I’m not sure there are that many options available.

cantbearsed1 · 15/03/2019 10:00

*Schuyler8 While you are having a go at others on this thread, you have went on to say what most of us are saying.

Myusernameismud · 15/03/2019 10:37

cantbearsed1 I found that pretty amusing too!
That's what most of us have said. He hasn't paid you can't force him to so listen to some of the very sensible suggestions from posters on here as to how you move forward. And stop being so angry about a situation you have no control over. Just get on and deal with it, as hundreds of thousands, possibly millions, of RPs do every single day.

Schuyler · 15/03/2019 12:07

I wasn’t suggesting I was saying anything new or particularly wise or helpful. Hmm I also wasn’t disagreeing with the majority on the thread. All I was saying the OP really doesn’t owe anyone a breakdown of her personal finances. That was my point to others. I wasn’t aiming it at everyone because not everyone asked.

cantbearsed1 · 15/03/2019 12:25

But nobody said the OP owed people a breakdown of her finances. Just if she wanted to post them, people could help. If she does not, then fine.

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/03/2019 12:25

So is he still paying the £160 a month? Just not the extra £50?
That's how I read it Abe.

Schuyler · 15/03/2019 12:31

Fair enough, I apologise.

HotChocolateLover · 15/03/2019 12:48

I’m on your side OP and shame on the posters who are sticking up for the NRP. I have an ex who has done this to me before and it really sucks. Go to the CMS ASAP and get it whatever you can. Sending handholds and thoughts x

Smotheroffive · 15/03/2019 14:38

myusernameismud it is bad form, and you need to just not do it?

Why are people hauling OP over hot coals when she came here to ask for help.

Is your DH maintenance cms managed OP?

Smotheroffive · 15/03/2019 14:41

Schuyler well said,and PPs absolutely have been pressurising OP to defend herself and justify her position. She hasn't offered it unprompted its been a result of the hounding shes received on here,so do t be defending that cantbearsed

Smotheroffive · 15/03/2019 14:41

*don't be defending that

SilviaSalmon · 15/03/2019 15:06

I haven’t read the full thread so apologies if this has already been raised.

Do you have written evidence that your DS’ father agreed to make monthly payments of half the train fare? If so, and he is in breach of the agreement, you could bring a debt claim in the Small Claims Court.

I think the cost of issuing is £40, so this would only be worthwhile if some time has past and the sums accumulated.

However you could exert some pressure on your ex now by reminding him that he is in breach of your agreement and telling him that you intend to pursue him.

Foxmuffin · 15/03/2019 15:14

@SilviaSalmon

You can only sue someone for money they have. If they haven’t got it, even with a successful judgment, they still can’t pay it. OP’s ex sounds like he’s hit hard times.

IdaIdes · 15/03/2019 15:21

I call reverse. This isn't someone looking for a solution...

Myusernameismud · 15/03/2019 15:37

Smotheroffive because OP asked for help to achieve something that cannot be achieved, and wouldn't listen to multiple posters advising her that the best thing to do is stop being angry about things that are out of her control, and look for a solution to the problem that isn't 'he just needs to pay'. Because that isn't going to happen right now.

Don't ask for help or advice if you have no intention of taking the advice offered.

Original poster
ThePlaceToVent · 15/03/2019 15:46

Omitted in my OP WTF can I do to make him pay

Not how can I make extra money.

And he is paying nothing.

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 15/03/2019 15:47

All that you said myusernameismud is off the point I made Confused

Smotheroffive · 15/03/2019 15:49

There is always a risk of mras with these type threads, either starting them or posting on them.

PoesyCherish · 15/03/2019 15:51

WTF can I do to make him pay

The point which you don't seem to be getting is there is absolutely nothing you can do to make him pay. The only things you can do are go via CMS (and like you say risk getting even less long term) or you find the money yourself. With an income like what you've said I'd be very surprised if you couldn't reorganize your finances to find the money since in your words you're not a low income family.

PoesyCherish · 15/03/2019 15:51

@Smotheroffive what's an MRA?

Myusernameismud · 15/03/2019 15:53

OK so I'm answer to your question OP, nothing. There is nothing you can do to make him pay.

smother did you seriously just call me an MRA? Because I suggested there is nothing the OP can do to make her ex pay maintenence when he says he hasn't got it? Hilarious.

Myusernameismud · 15/03/2019 15:54

In* answer