Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PILs and SILs so selfish? AIBU?

303 replies

Nothinglefttochoose · 13/03/2019 04:39

It happens every year and every year it annoys me! My MIL and my SIL NEVER send my children their birthday presents on time!

Sometimes the presents are weeks or months late and they only ever give them in person.

I did ask my MIL and she said the reason she does that is that she wants to see their reaction and get the gratification of giving a present.

Am I the only one who thinks that is so self centred and not really what birthdays are about? You get a present on your birthday because it’s your birthday!!

They are making it all about themselves!

I think it’s so odd and rude.

AIBU?? I don’t think I am.

OP posts:
FullOfJellyBeans · 13/03/2019 06:49

Also your response to people disagreeing with you shows how massively unreasonable you are. It's fine for you to have an opinion that it's better to open all present on the exact day of their birthday but you have to accept other people have different opinions and your opinion doesn't trump theirs.

LL83 · 13/03/2019 06:49

Are the children low on presents on the day? If you are really struggling and they wont have much I could see the issue. Otherwise it is much nicer for children and person giving gift to do it in person.

Do you invite MIL and SIL for cake near birthday? If not do that and solve the problem. We always have close family over for tea and cake and give presents weekend closest to birthday.

Drogosnextwife · 13/03/2019 06:49

Most people don't give their honest opinions in rl. Is it a bit annoying, yes but you are getting way to annoyed by it.

Original poster
Nothinglefttochoose · 13/03/2019 06:49

@CheryyPavlova aside from a few mates from daycare, and one from us, no he didn't get any other presents. My parents and his brother have passed away.

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 13/03/2019 06:50

Ah one of these threads. AIBU? Everyone bar one lone poster, yes. OP No I'm not.

Why ask if you are so certain you're right? Such a weird issue to be this angry about! You ok hun?

BalloonSlayer · 13/03/2019 06:51

Today my son said to my MIL , what is this present for? She looked put out but honestly what does she expect? His birthday was 5 weeks ago!!!

Not for the child who thinks they haven’t been given a present on their birthday.

If your DS was that aware who had or hadn't given him a present on his birthday he would have known what the present was for!

Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/03/2019 06:51

You'll be the reason your children get upset about not getting a present. So easy to tell them they'll get a present when they next see them. I dont see why you're so angry with everyone who gets this Confused Did it not occur to you that you are actually BU??

HotpotLawyer · 13/03/2019 06:52

Host a birthday tea close to the day, invite your children’s grandmother and aunty and other relatives, celebrate, they can give presents.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 13/03/2019 06:53

I can understand them holding onto presents to give to them in person, but hopefully they're popping a card in the post. Or a phone call to say happy birthday and say we've got a present waiting here for you. If they're acknowledging the birthday on the day in someway then that should be fine.

Frenchmontana · 13/03/2019 06:53

littlepeas everyone else I've asked thinks its rubbish on behalf of the MIL and SIL.

Then why ask here? You just wanted another reason to have a rant about them?

People in real life probably know you dislike them. Know you are overly precious about birthdays and cant cope with people disagreeing with you.

pictish · 13/03/2019 06:55

Yabu. My fil and his wife are the same...like to see the kids open the gifts themselves, so it can be a matter of weeks before they get a gift owing to busy schedules and what not.
It’s no big deal. The kids won’t wither away for the lack of one gift on their birthday. There’s nothing wrong with waiting. It certainly doesn’t bother the kids and I couldn’t give a toss.

I’m not being a hypocrite btw. We’re just not arsed about getting stuff and presents...including my kids. they always get a great gift from us which they’re happy and excited about. They don’t give waiting for Grandpas’s a thought.

Chill out.

MidniteScribbler · 13/03/2019 06:56

The only rubbish thing I can think of is that it takes 5 weeks for them to come visit. My dad lives 90 minutes away and we see him at least once a fortnight if not more regularly.

Roads go both ways.

MrsCollinssettled · 13/03/2019 06:56

Do you invite them to come for dc's birthday? It comes across that you just want their presents on the day but not to actually see them.

If you're not inviting them and you know they want to give gifts in person you're just setting them up to fail.

littlepeas · 13/03/2019 06:57

For some reason this thread has made me remember the time I put my dd's school swimming kit into her brother's swimming bag by mistake (bag identical, except for the name tag) and she refused to take it, quite forcefully, and I had to swap it all over into hers (not worth the fight).

Dotty1970 · 13/03/2019 06:58

You are nothing but a complete Biscuit (that is not a Jamie dodger)

burritofan · 13/03/2019 06:58

Today my son said to my MIL , what is this present for? She looked put out but honestly what does she expect?
The words "thank you, Grandma", probably.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2019 07:03

Why ask if you can’t being told yabu OP?

At least they’re getting something. If it bothers you that much why aren’t you taking your dc to them on or near their birthday?

blackjeans · 13/03/2019 07:04

It depends on how far away they live/how keen they are to see your children on their birthdays. I think that wherever possible you should try and send something for a child to open on the day - birthdays are special in our house and opening them in the morning is part of our family ritual.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to want that too. However if your in-laws only do presents in person, I think they should make more of an effort to get them to the children as close to the day as possible.

Blindandfrozen · 13/03/2019 07:07

I used to love it as a kid when you’d get a birthday present from a relative a couple of weeks later. The old presents weren’t a novelty any more by that point and it made it feel like my birthday lasted longer!

allnewredfairy · 13/03/2019 07:10

I'm with you OP. I make every effort for the birthday person to receive their present on the day whether I'm there or not. 5 weeks later is pretty meaningless. If I can't be there I'll send a voucher or cash and follow it up with a phone call. My EXILs used to wait days often weeks to hand over gifts to my kids. Drove me potty.

isabellerossignol · 13/03/2019 07:12

I never in my life received a birthday present from a grandparent, or aunt or uncle. My children don't get presents from extended family either. And I have never in my life received a gift in the post from anyone, ever.

Yet here I am, functioning perfectly ok as an adult.

No one is going to be traumatised about not receiving a gift on the correct day unless they believe that gifts somehow indicate how much someone cares about them.

BertrandRussell · 13/03/2019 07:14

“No one is going to be traumatised about not receiving a gift on the correct day“
They might be if their mother goes on about how selfish their grandmother is...

Soubriquet · 13/03/2019 07:15

Woah!

Yabu!!

They have spent the money, and want to see the children’s reaction to the present. It’s not a big thing.

Explain it to them!

My dc both got their presents earlier this year than usual because one set of grandparents will be on holiday for their birthdays. (Not twins, both in March)

I explained to them that it was their birthday present and that nanny and grandad won’t be here for their birthday.

They understood perfectly

Occasionally they get them late from other family relatives. They understand! They are just turned 4 and almost 6 do not at all young

grumpyyetgorgeous · 13/03/2019 07:15

My ds has a Godmother and my parents who does this, they like to see him open stuff, we're fine with it. He's never got upset about "not being given anything" because we give him presents and make sure it's a nice day for him. He also doesn't say "what's this present for?" He just opens it and enjoys it. I quite like presents being spread out actually, a huge pile in one day can mean that he tears through, barely looking at things.
I wonder if your attitude is rubbing off and that's why it upsets the dc? You can put a positive spin on it!

PinkGinFreak · 13/03/2019 07:16

I'm with you op, my kids don't get many presents bevause my husbands family are a bunch of shits so they only get a few, it breaks my heart when they have only one or two to open and I know there are others but the givers can't be arsed to get them here on time. It is important for the children, it is a special day, it only happens once a year and yes I think it's selfish and your inlaws are not thinking of how the childre feel. I'm very surprised so many posters disagree, maybe their children are older and they've forgotten what it's like??

Swipe left for the next trending thread