PILs and SILs so selfish? AIBU?

[Nothinglefttochoose]

It happens every year and every year it annoys me! My MIL and my SIL NEVER send my children their birthday presents on time!

Sometimes the presents are weeks or months late and they only ever give them in person.

I did ask my MIL and she said the reason she does that is that she wants to see their reaction and get the gratification of giving a present.

Am I the only one who thinks that is so self centred and not really what birthdays are about? You get a present on your birthday because it’s your birthday!!

They are making it all about themselves!

I think it’s so odd and rude.

AIBU?? I don’t think I am.

[littlepeas]

This is what we do in our family - the dc are happy to wait and know that they will receive a present when they see their family member. It is not a big deal at all and they have something nice to look forward to. It happens with Christmas too, we see different people over various days, so the gifts come in as and when (presents under the tree on Christmas Day are from Father Christmas).

[UnspiritualHome]

Not for the child who thinks they haven’t been given a present on their birthday.

Surely they know by now that they will be getting a present but it will be later? If not, you can obviously tell them.

[BertrandRussell]

“As some others have said, don’t bother giving a present 5 weeks late!!”
I think those “some others” are you, actually!

It’s fun for for giving and receiving to be face to face.

[Nothinglefttochoose]

This absolutely cracks me up! You are a bunch of hypocrites! Surely you remember many threads such as " I always acknowledge my families birthdays and they don't reciprocate/ remember my birthday", then you all profess your sympathy for the poster and tell her that her family is selfish and she should go NC! Most of you are unbelievabley two faced!!

[UnspiritualHome]

But don't you see that this isn't the same as families ignoring birthdays etc completely?

As for two faced - you do realise, don't you, that there are millions of people on MN? The fact that a few people unsurprisingly have different views doesn't make every member two-faced.

[CherryPavlova]

You are being entirely spoiled and introspective. It’s not even about the child. It’s about your sense on entitlement. Consider a different perspective.
Your child already has presents on their birthday. Lots, I suspect. They get a lovely day.
Then a couple of weeks later granny turns up with more presents and hugs and you get another lovely day. How nice.
You have family that give presents. You have family who want to see and experience your child’s happiness. They bother to travel to you to give the present. How is that selfish?
Birthdays are surely a celebration of your birth and existence. It’s about feeling loved not about the plastic tat. It’s far more important that the child sees and feels family love than they get something they dont need on a specific day.
Stop whinging and count your baby blessings.

[littlepeas]

I don't think I have ever seen an OP get so irate over something so everyday, that most people do!

[Frenchmontana]

Nothinglefttochoose wow!

Firstly, forgetting a birthday and getting a gift at another time are 2 different things.

Getting a gift but not on the isnt not acknowledging a birthday

If you cant see the difference you must be a very difficult person to deal with.

I have never told anyone to NC because a family member has forgot their birthday

I am betting most people on this thread haven't either. Because I have never seen anyone tell an OP to go NC because they have missed their birthday, once.

Clearly you didn't post to ask if ywbu. You posted so you could have a bitch about your in laws.

I feel a bit sorry for them. You clearly dont like them and will use any excuse to be rude about them.

If your kids find this an issue. That's because you do. Not because of what pil are doing.

[MidniteScribbler]

Popcorn, anyone? I made it five weeks ago, but I'm sure it still tastes fine.

[Nothinglefttochoose]

littlepeas everyone else I've asked thinks its rubbish on behalf of the MIL and SIL.

[Gizlotsmum]

Could you arange to see the inlaws around their birthday? So weekend before? Solve both problems? Or you could tell them not to bother if they can't get the gift there for the birthday. What does your partner think? I will hold my hands up and say my kids often end up with family presents after the day. (also happens with party presents) and they have never had an issue with it. They will normally get a call on the day

[HK20]

I think YABU. You shouldn't expect a gift from them (whether for yourself or for DCs anyway) IMO, and you definitely shouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to deliver them on a specific day.

Be grateful they choose to buy gifts. I also love seeing a reaction to a gift I've purchased, and would rather not post it and risk it getting damaged.

[HotpotLawyer]

Damn, I should have realised that if SIL and MIL must agree with you mere internet posters would have NO chance of being allowed a different opinion !

[Redrupunzle]

You posted in aibu, you are. Sorry that there's only a couple of "sane" people who agree with you

[Belenus]

Thanks you @nightshiftsaremynemisis you are fairly sane obviously. I dont think it’s precious or entitled that I have the opinion I do. Basically a lot of you posters think it’s fine for the gift giver to make it all about themselves,but aren’t happy for me to think it should be about my child.its their birthday!! What is wrong with you?!!!!

OP: AIBU?
MN: Yes
OP: You're insane, what's wrong with you [punctuation +++]

Can't you just see this as a valuable lesson for the children? People sometimes do things differently. Put a positive take on it instead of teaching your children to see the bad side of life and have a hissy fit if they don't get their own way. "Hey kids, granny will bring you a present next time she visits, isn't that lovely?" Kids get a present. Granny gets the pleasure of giving a gift. No-one gets wound up. Job done.

[FullOfJellyBeans]

I think yabu insisting everything is done your way. Your DC will have plenty of presents o their actual birthday, it's fine if they have a few bit later when they actually see their grandparents.

[Lulu1919]

Have you thought about inviting them to come and visit the grandchildren on their birthday or the weekend closest...have cake n birthday gifts ?

[EffYouSeeKaye]

Invite them over for a family party on or very close to the day?

[scandilover]

DH's family always give DC's presents late for Christmas and birthdays. My kids love it 😂 they get presents from us on their birthday and then they know that in a week/few weeks they will get more presents.I think your reaction to PPs is pretty extreme and it sounds like you have a lot of anger. It does come across like you are trying to find reason to be angry at your SIL/MIL and you come across as very unpleasant

[GimmeBread]

littlepeas everyone else I've asked thinks its rubbish on behalf of the MIL and SIL.

Yeah that's what people are saying to your face - behind your back they'll be saying the same as most of the people on here.

[Ragwort]

Why don’t you invite your ILs for a birthday tea around the time of the birthday? We’ve always tried to host a small get together so that the GPs could see their DGC. It doesn’t have to be a big event, just a birthday cake & a chance to get together. I can fully understand that the GPS like to see the DGC opening the gift.

[HK20]

@Nothinglefttochoose I'd suggest you don't post in AIBU if you're just going to get upset and rude when people tell you that you are, in fact, BU...

[TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup]

The only rubbish thing I can think of is that it takes 5 weeks for them to come visit. My dad lives 90 minutes away and we see him at least once a fortnight if not more regularly.

[Feb2018mumma]

My neice is three and when I call and say she will get a present when I see her, as soon as I walk through the door the next time I see her she asks for her present!! So I am sure if you explain your 7 year old would understand? Was recently my son's birthday and I opened his presents when he was given them even weeks in advance, I honestly thought that was the polite thing to do!

[Marnie76]

‘Everyone’ in real life probably agrees because they’re scared to disagree with you. You sound easily riled