To ask if your partner or sibling comes first?

[Seabrook15]

I know this depends on circumstances and relationships, but in general, I am wondering what the majority answers! I am in a bit of a situation that although I don't have to "pick" between the 2, it also kind of is. Just wondering, if asked that question, what you'd answer?

Depends. I have made the wrong choice before (partner over family) because I thought it was right for our kids. It wasn't. He's an abusive ex now. So I think it depends a lot.

Husband.

I love my siblings but we have our own lives, agendas and priorities. I’d absolutely expect them to say the same.

@QueenofmyPrinces

I can't remember it. I'm useless at remembering user names as well, but the OP did say she'd started other posts about him.

I recall the details, like they were living with his mum.

He had been caught sexting earlier in their relationship and it happened again.

She saw the pics of her sis, that he had stolen form her (OPs) phone. What she didn't know, is that he made the fake account and was stalking and blackmailing.

He even sent a message warning off the 'stalker' , as the sister was so upset about it.

Only when it was reported to the police and the sis discovered it was him did he stop.

So any woman who would choose such a man over their sibling, is as bad as he is IMO, if not worse, because it's showing you equally have no respect for your sister.

@JenniferJareau

My sister chose her husband over me when he was being a cunt of the highest order to me at the worst time in my life and she just stood by and let him. I cut her off and am far better for it.

Very sad.

Unfortunately some women stand by abusive idiots and it's usually because they themselves have no self respect.

If he was like that to you, I'm sure he was the same or worse with her, but she's probably accepted she's not worthy of being treated with respect.

The thing is... women like this will have DC who see what goes on and assume it's normal to accept such behaviour from men.

I can't think of any situation this would happen with mine. In minor cases - I don't need to side with anybody, but would sympathise more with whichever of them is right. In a major case, it depends entirely on why I need to choose, none of them should want me to choose; so again probably whichever of them is right.

She chose partner, I'd choose family.

Your partner is family. And if they aren't, why are they still your partner?

Your partner is family. And if they aren't, why are they still your partner?

How long do you have to be with someone before they are 'family' in your eyes?

Absolutely depends on the situation!!

Yep depends on the circumstances. I would never put anyone ‘first’ if I knew they were in the wrong, doesn’t matter if it’s a relative, partner, child, friend.

Spouse

Sibling. "Partner" sounds temporary. Families are forever.

Partner of 23 years.
I'm not sure we'll make it to DD being an adult but he's stuck here and I'm not easy.
My sibs have their own families and we're not close.

I don't have a partner at the moment but my DB would always come first if I did.

“MollysLips

Sibling. "Partner" sounds temporary. Families are forever.”

Rather depends on the family.

Yeah by partner I mean together for 20 odd years

Well, i’ve been with my partner for not far short of 40 years, and I’d still say that sometimes a random stranger in the street comes before him.

How on earth can anyone answer without knowing the circumstances?

Why would you blindly support someone, in a hypothetical situation, without any details on what you are judging them on?

I don't see how anyone can answer this without knowing what the situation would be.
I also can't imagine a situation where I would have to choose as both my DH and brother love me and wouldn't put me in that situation, so without an example wouldn't possibly know.

It’s an absurd question. Sometimes in a choice between my dp and a random person in the street, the random person in the street would come first. It is entirely dependent on the situation. Or it should be- unless you are so in thrall to/scared of/controlled by your dp that you have to put him first at all times for your own safety.

this. I love my sister but, frankly, my DH matters way more to me than she does. But If she was asking that I come home for her daughter's wedding and he was saying "I'd prefer you to come with me on a holiday" I'd tell him to get lost.

My DB wife gave him an ultimatum family out or divorce. She’s emotionally abusive but we told him to pick his wife as we wouldn’t want him to get divorced. We were always here for him anyway. Things have changed slightly and he comes to see us on us own ... nothing had actually happened she just seemed to want to play a power game and once he chose her She relaxed her ultimatum rules. We just remain polite but ignore best we can.

Aside from a few extreme scenarios in which sibling temporarily needed me more, partner and DC would always come first. But I have good siblings who I love dearly, who would never presume to impose on me in such a way that I had to make a choice. I appreciate that I'm fortunate. My poor DH, not so much.

My husband BUT only after we were married, before that I’d put my sibling in my Will and named him on my death in service forms at work and I told my husband that I wasn’t committing to him until he committed to me, he was a ‘it’s just a piece of paper’ type of person when it came to marriage but it was important to me.

The people who are saying categorically “partner”- what sort of incident are you thinking about?

“But I have good siblings who I love dearly, who would never presume to impose on me in such a way that I had to make a choice. I appreciate that I'm fortunate.”
I don’t think that’s fortunate. It suggests to me that you have a husband who would make a fuss if he was asked to take second place, and your siblings know that so would never ask you for any help.

In a life-or-death situation it would have to be my sister, and my DH would understand. My sister and I share more than blood, we share a difficult childhood together, and our bond is unconditional. She has 2 small children who need her. My love for her runs deeper than any other.