To ask if your partner or sibling comes first?

[Seabrook15]

I know this depends on circumstances and relationships, but in general, I am wondering what the majority answers! I am in a bit of a situation that although I don't have to "pick" between the 2, it also kind of is. Just wondering, if asked that question, what you'd answer?

[triplettriplet]

Partner.

I haven't seen my sibling for 5 years. She lives far away. We don't even send birthday or christmas cards.

[blueskiesovertheforest]

Growuppeople are your parents still together? If so, is your mum "a random" to your dad?

[maddening]

Who is asking you to choose and why? That would be important to know.

If my sibling had done nothing wrong and my partner was insisting that I could not see my sibling then there is possibly something wrong with my partner.

If my sibling had hurt my partner maliciously then it's a different story

[CanuckBC]

@SandyY2K can you post a link to that thread please:). With the DH stalking the wife’s sister?!?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Is that the thread where she found naked photos of her sister on her husband’s phone?

I was following that thread and then I just couldn’t find it next time I went to read it. Would love to know how it turned out.

[Junkmail]

Depends on which sibling I am very close with my youngest sis—not at all with my other sis and only fairly recently reconnected with my brother. However in all honesty my husband comes first. Although if he asked me to go NC with my youngest sis I would have to think very hard if he was the right man for me (would depend on the reason for the requested NC/what sis had done to prompt that).

[ToffeePennie]

My children come first
My husband is a very close second.
Then my grandparents and parents
Then finally my brother.
As far as I’m concerned my brother and I share about 0.0001% of dna. We have NOTHING else in common so why would I put him before my husband?

[BertrandRussell]

Random stranger in the street would in some circumstances come before my children. It is impossible to say without knowing the situation.

[RedPanda2]

Depends on situation but siblings. I am close to them though. Romantic relationships can be replaced (although on MN some people act like they can't!!)

[Fifthtimelucky]

100% agree with @BertrandRussell. Impossible to say without knowing the circumstances.

[SandyY2K]

@CanuckBC
Here is that thread. I get the feeling the OP has a DP/DH who has done something very wrong and wants to use the responses to justify choosing her partner. Some pp are blindly validating that choice without the facts.

It's like saying would you get divorced over an argument and not saying what the argument was about.

It also depends on the kind of relationship you have with your sibling and any relevant history.


www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3527924-what-would-you-do-if-you-found-out-your-husband-was-harassing-some-woman

[SandyY2K]

@QueenofmyPrinces

Is that the thread where she found naked photos of her sister on her husband’s phone?

No. Thats a different thread. That OP left her DH and was pregnant.

Not only were there naked pictures in that thread, he was online stalking and blackmailing the sister. He was demanding more pictures, having created a fake insta account, so she didn't know it was him.

What amazed me about that thread, is that the sister and the mum were unsure about telling the OP. Probably out of fear that she'd choose her DH blindly.

I guess those who have said they would choose their partner would still do in this situation.

Absolute stupidity to say one way or another without the facts.

[changed1]

Siblings my partner is replaceable my sisters aren't

[JRMisOdious]

“BertrandRussell

People who say “partner” without qualification are a bit daft.”

You’ve obviously never met my sibling

Take your point though: I had immediately thought of a situation where both were in equal difficulty. No doubt for me in any circumstances though, nasty piece of work.

[JRMisOdious]

Bertrand

“Nasty piece of work”. My sibling, not you!

[Mummyshark2018]

Completely depends on the situation.

[BuildingBackUp]

Why are people picking a man over family

Your posts sound very immature tbh - kind of cheesy American Teen programme ‘Sistas before Mistas’ pov. Common when you’re 16, not so common when you’re an adult married woman IME.

Dh isn’t a random or just ‘a man’ that is replaceable.

We’ve been together for 15 years. We have 3 dc. I’ve lived in a house with dh for longer than I ever lived at home with either of my sisters.

[JRMisOdious]

“BuildingBackUp

Why are people picking a man over family”

Because sometimes “family” is shite and sometimes a “man” (or trusted partner of 30+ years ) are worth their weight in gold.

You can’t choose your family.

[NoCanoe]

I'd have to let my morals, ethics, conscience decide, assuming we are talking about a major turning point in the relationship (s).

[TwoRoundabouts]

If you are your sibling's legal guardian due to severe disability and/or age then it is the sibling. Otherwise it is always your partner.

[BuildingBackUp]

JRM I agree.

But it also goes when your family are decent - my mum and sisters are great. They still come below dh is the priority stakes which is as it ‘should’ be imo.

[DonnaDarko]

In an argument, it depends on who I thought was in the wrong.

In a life or death decision though, or where I had to choose between them, sibling all the way. I'm a twin and couldn't imagine life without my sister. We've always been very close. I can always get a new partner though.

As Cher said, men are a luxury lol

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Blimey sandy2k - is the thread still about or can you remember the title? I would love to finish reading it!

[JRMisOdious]

“I can always get a new partner though”

Don’t consider mine quite this disposable

[JenniferJareau]

My sister chose her husband over me when he was being a cunt of the highest order to me at the worst time in my life and she just stood by and let him. I cut her off and am far better for it.

She chose partner, I'd choose family.