To ask if your partner or sibling comes first?

[Seabrook15]

I know this depends on circumstances and relationships, but in general, I am wondering what the majority answers! I am in a bit of a situation that although I don't have to "pick" between the 2, it also kind of is. Just wondering, if asked that question, what you'd answer?

[Helmetbymidnight]

i dont think its a tough question, its ridiculous. how can people give an answer without knowing the circumstances?

[blueskiesovertheforest]

Seabrook15 you'd have to give more information. This clearly isn't an "all things being equal" situation and nothing anyone has posted has any relevance to a situation where one is making accusations against the other.

Does either have form for lying?

Does your partner have form for being a creepy fucker/ doing whatever your sister alleges?

What do you mean by "partner" - do you really know him as well as it's possible to know another person, or do you use "partner" loosely for someone you're dating rather than being "practically married", living together years, been through life's ups and downs and he's been there for you and been your trustworthy rock for years type thing.

I don't think this has anything at all to do with whether partners come before siblings. It has to do with who's a lier.

[blueskiesovertheforest]

In this anonymous context I'd be inclined to assume that the man is lying because the sister has no reason to and the man every reason. But we don't know the individuals or circumstances.

Obviously if your "partner" is harassing your sister he isn't your "partner" but a disgusting creep who you wouldn't dignify with the title "partner" or want within 100 meters of you, let alone allow in your bed! He'd make your skin crawl.

Does your sister have any conceivable reason to make the allegations up?

Who do you believe?

This is not about loyalty, it's about who isn't the person you thought they were.

[Seabrook15]

My sister was in hospital a couple months back for self harm and I was there with her every step of the way and I have of course been supporting her since. She has got back on her feet now and has returned to her job, I have cut down the visits. She came out with an allegation that my husband tried to kiss her, husband says she tried to kiss him. Husband has done nothing but be upset and say "he can't believe she is doing this" my sister is very much not upset but "don't trust him, get rid" and I really feel in a very hard place. I'm sorry I didn't write all this before but I didn't really want to but then I've realised I have no option if I really want specific responses, as quite frankly, at this moment I don't know what to do.

[FuckertyBoo]

When did he tell you she had tried to kiss him?

[S1naidSucks]

You know your husband. Be absolutely honest with yourself, has he ever given you any reason to think he would kiss or flirt with another woman? Were they close, before this? When and where was it supposed to have happened, and did you see any change in her or his attitude at that time? Why didn’t he tell you at the time?

Is she unhappy with her life. Has she ever given you the impression that she’s jealous of yours?

[CountessVonBoobs]

My first reaction is that, all other things being equal, men deny making advances they did in fact make more than women make up advances that never happened. My second thought is that men who make illicit advances/abuse often deliberately pick vulnerable women whose credibility may be reduced (in case your H makes noises about your sister being "mentally ill" - and there is no inherent link between self harm and being a fantasist/habitual liar). My third thought is, it's easy to see why your sister wouldn't tell you when it happened if she's the truth teller but why didn't your H tell you when this happened if he's the victim?

But only you know them both and know the context. What does your gut say?

[Thehop]

Husband every time, but my brother would be no loss to the world if he disappeared.

[picklemepopcorn]

Thank you for making it clearer.

You've been together for 20 years. How reliable and supportive has he been? Has he flirted other women, are you aware?

How reliable is your sister? She's been very unwell and may be desperate to keep the high level of support she's had. Does she have form for lying or manipulating your relationships?


I'm really sorry for you, that's a tough call. What does your instinct say?

[outpinked]

Honestly it depends on the situation and how close you are to your siblings. My brother is a fair bit younger than me and we have never been all that close so I would choose my partner all the way. I’d imagine if you’re exceptionally close to your sibling you’d be more inclined to side with them.

I mean, it’s difficult to say without context anyway.

[outpinked]

Just read upthread a bit for the context, apologies.

DP’s sister is the one who told him his ex was cheating on him after seeing her with another man. Thank chuff he believed his sister, she had been cheating on him for months.

I guess you know your sister and know your husband so is it believable that he would do that? Does she have form for lying?

[hihellohihey]

I loooove my partner to bits but my sister, she's been there since day one

[UbbesPonytail]

My siblings. We’ve already lost one sister. The only person that comes before them is my daughter.

In your situation, I wouldn’t even hesitate because I know my sister would never lie about that.

[UbbesPonytail]

Also, there’s an old police method/theory that says guilty people cry, innocent people get angry. It might be worth thinking about that in terms of how they usually react to crisis/unusual/stressful situations.

[blueskiesovertheforest]

UbbesPonytail I'm not sure I buy that as a blanket theory in domestic settings! There are most certainly manipulative people who cry when they know they are in the wrong in order to "win" anyway, but there are also people who get angry when cornered, or who are just generally angry about everything... I'm not sure either is proof of guilt or innocence at all in domestic life!

[blueskiesovertheforest]

In this case nobody can tell you sadly Seabrook15 without knowing your husband and sister.

Has he had your back all these years or has he got form for being unfaithful?

Has she supported you the way you've supported her and generally been a reliable and trustworthy force in your life, or has got form for destructive behaviour long term, and more specifically for attention seeking and fabrication...

[Meagain19]

Husband. He is the Father of my children.

[Meagain19]

Perhaps your sister is jealous of your relationship, and is angry you are backing off so is trying to split you up to get more of your attention again?

[goodfornothinggnome]

Partner would come first unless it was a bad enough situation where I’d consider having to leave him.

[MyOtherProfile]

What does your gut say?

[MRex]

One of them must be lying @Seabrook15, which one of them lies usually?

[CanuckBC]

Who told you first, your sister or partner?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

If your sister had former for this sort of behaviour, you would already know OP and would not have couched your original question in such vague terms.

I second everything that CountessVonBoobs said.

[Seabrook15]

I trust my partner with my whole heart. If I was going on instinct I would think my sister was lying, just because of the way she has been lately. Very clingy and annoyed if I say I can't come over because we are having a "couple" night, if our son was staying with grandparents, as she would assume I would go and see her (she is very lonely at the moment, no partner, no children).

It was at a Sunday dinner. My sister asked if he would come up and lift these boxes down from the loft (at our mum's house) and he went. About 20 mins later my partner comes down and goes "X, I need to talk to you" our whole family was around so I assume he wanted to take me to the side and tell me but my sister came running down after he said that to say "he tried to kiss me!" In front of the whole family and that's when he said "what? You tried to kiss me! And I was just about to tell you" (said the last bit at me).

It really seems like my sister is lying but I am so close to her and love her dearly. But of course my partner is also my whole world. I really feel in a tough situation.

[girlwithadragontattoo]

It depends to be honest. I've very close with both of my brothers and would be horrified if i had to pick between my partner and them, though this would never happen as they all get along.
Saying that, i did pick my partner over my father, though my brothers are completely different.
I also couldn't imagine not having my partner in my life either. Luckily I'd hope I'd never be in that position.
Having read the other thread though, i can hand on heart say that my partner would be gone so fast his feet would not touch the ground