To ask if your partner or sibling comes first?

[Seabrook15]

I know this depends on circumstances and relationships, but in general, I am wondering what the majority answers! I am in a bit of a situation that although I don't have to "pick" between the 2, it also kind of is. Just wondering, if asked that question, what you'd answer?

[givemesteel]

Based on what you said I think your dp is telling the truth. If he has tried to kiss her then he wouldn't have come straight down to tell you, where as your sister blurted it out when she saw what your dp was doing.

If she is mentally unstable please try and be kind though, you've got a right to be angry but she's obviously a bit of a mess right now and needs you.

[Stargazer888]

My husband and given your update I believe your husband. Your family behaved abhorrently.

[Hushabyelullaby]

My husband

[jarhead123]

Husband

[Guineapiglet345]

From what you’ve said I’d believe your partner, your sister sounds like an attention seeker.

[ThinkOfAWittyNameLater]

I agree with @picklemepopcorn

In these circumstances I'd be backing my husband 100%.

I actually wonder if you're in a bit of FOG with your parents & siblings. Is this sister a
Golden child perhaps?

Your poor husband. I would apologise. Say you were completely shocked and wanted to diffuse the situation. You believe him and really hope he doesn't doubt the trust you have in him.

As a pp said, I'd try to maintain a relationship with your family but make it clear he's not going anywhere and he has your support.

[FuckertyBoo]

Based on your updates, (which I’m so shocked by btw ! It’s honestly like something from a soap opera - right down to the family turfing him out of the house before he’s even had a chance to get the explanation out), of course you’d pick your dh. I’m actually a littlebit surprised you even need to ask in the circumstances, but I guess that’s families 🤷‍♀️!

[picklemepopcorn]

The fact that your DP tried to tell you privately, while DSis made it into a drama suggests he's a gem to be honest.

[Happynow001]

Sorry OP. Based on your update I'd believe your partner. Sounds like you do too, but trying to pour oil on troubled waters with your birth family.

[blueskiesovertheforest]

You believe him - and from your description it sounds as though you are right.

You have to be on his side in this case then! If you basically know your sister is lying you cannot possibly "pick" her! Imagine it were your husband's brother claiming in the same situation that you tried to kiss him! You'd expect your husband to have your back...

[IncrediblySadToo]

I’d stand behind your DH in this situation.

I’d apologise profusely to him for not doing so immediately, but just say you were so surprised by it all that you were unable to think straight.

Your sister has issues, so I’d try not to be too angry, but your parents need to make sure she’s getting the help she needs

Don’t cut them off, just go low contact for a bit. Everyone is too stressed and worried to make permanent declarations of cutting people out of their lives.

[CornishMaid1]

I think your sister kissed him and then came to cover it up.

Tell your partner you believe him and you are sorry for not leaving with him.

Tell your family that he is your partner and whilst you believe your DH, if you are mistaken it is your choice to make your relationship work. If they love you they need to accept you are with your partner and back off.

[Frecklesonmyarm]

I should be saying something and I admit I didn't respond how I probably should have and told him I'd meet him at home..

I would be really upset if I was your partner if you did this.

You let then throw him out and stayed behind. Even though you believe him.

What happened after he left?

[picklemepopcorn]

I'd say your partner needs a hug.

Try not to buy into the polarisation- her or him. Don't put your family in the position of needing to choose- they are likely to want to support your sister because she has no one else.

Can you meet up with your sister and explain that you understand why she might do that, and that you don't want to fall out with her? Give her a chance to back down.

[Mummyshark2018]

Given your update If I were in your situation I would side with partner. on the surface it appears that he was going to tell you that she tried to kiss him, however what if he did try to kiss her and then realised she would tell you and he then made a beeline to tell you the opposite first? Just a thought. Has he ever give you a reason not to trust him, has he ever been manipulative? If not then I would prob believe him in this situation.

[ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe]

I really do believe him though

I think you have your answer.

Going from your original question, I would side with whoever I believed was right. I don't think blood automatically trumps everything. If you genuinely believe your sister was lying then I'd be siding with my DH.

[Seabrook15]

I think that's the problem. The rest of my family (which is where we were at - my family's) told him to get out. I told everyone to calm down and they were like your partner tried to kiss your sister, you should be fuming. It was a really awkward situation which made me question it all so much. My partner went to leave and said "okay I guess we will go then" and my mum was very much "she is not going anywhere with you" and my partner looked at me as if to say I should be saying something and I admit I didn't respond how I probably should have and told him I'd meet him at home.

I really do believe him though. It's just all very awkward.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Oppps... just seen your update.
Your OH was coming down to tell you what had happened.
Sister jumped in to cover her arse!
I believe him in this situation.

[ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe]

From your description, I'd say your sister was lying.

You seem to be leaning that way yourself to be honest.

I'd have to ask myself honestly, why would your DH do that? Has he ever shown signs of flirting with your sister? Being a bit too close to her etc.? You say yourself that you trust him completely so I'm going to assume the answer is no?

Your sister is the one with the motivation in my view, feeling lonely, suffering with bad mental health, wanting your undivided attention. Not to say that anyone with depression will do such a thing but it wouldn't be the first time I've seen someone suffering like your sister, do something completely illogical and so unlike themselves out of desperation.

Of course, only you know them both individually though OP.

I'm curious to know who the rest of your family believe?

[hellsbellsmelons]

Sister for me each and every time.
But then she was totally my best friend and we'd been through a lot together. Did loads together. Going out, holidays, etc.....
I would always put her first.
Unfortunately, nearly a year ago, I lost my her and the huge gap she has left will never be filled.

[maddiemookins16mum]

Partner. I wouldn’t piss on my sister if she was on fire.

[WineGummyBear]

From your description of the situation, I think the same as girlwiththedragontatoo

[girlwithadragontattoo]

Hi op, just read your update.

Your husband all the way! You know them both best

[CountessVonBoobs]

That sequence of events does tip the probability towards your sister lying, IMO. She initiated a situation where they were alone, she tried to pre-empt him getting his story in first, she has preexisting resentment of his role in your life, and it seems that in general you find him to be a straight arrow. And I doubt a man who had seized the opportunity (which, remember, he didn't initiate) to lay one on his SIL would literally come back down from that and tell his partner.

It's a really tough situation OP and I don't envy you. But in your shoes I think I would go with your partner and tell your sister that her story doesn't ring true to you and she has one chance to tell you again whether it is true or not.

[MRex]

It sounds like your sister is lying from your description, it really sounds like a set-up. Can you give her a safe, calm way of admitting it?