To ask opinions on sex while pregnant with a man who's not the dad

[blackcoffeeinbed]

What are people's opinions on having sex with someone you have met at 25weeks pregnant after being single for 3 months after splitting up from baby's dad?

Have had a friend ask my opinion on wether I think this is acceptable. I was a bit surprised by her asking and didn't really know what to say. I ended up saying it's her life and her body and if she is comfortable then it's her choice but to make sure she uses a condom as she hasn't known this guy long. She responded that she doesn't know if she should because it feels wrong while she has her baby inside her still, I said that if she is unsure then not to pressure herself.

I've never really thought about it tbh and usually I'm just of the opinion what people do isn't any of my business, but reflecting on it now I don't think I personally would if i was her, I can't put my finger on why exactly but then I've never been in her position! What do others think? Would you? Wouldn't you? Have you?

I find it completely repulsive. Just out of a relationship and about to be a single mother, it wouldn’t kill her to wait until she has one mans baby out of her before letting another man into her

@SpitefulShrew thanks, will read in a bit

I can't really find the right words ... but my gut feeling is saying it just feels a bit off .

Another scenario - what about if the woman had chosen to get pregnant while single using donor sperm (donor being anon until child is 18) and then meets someone?

I find the idea quite gross. But I don't think that other people shouldn't do it, if they want to.

But to all the people criticizing this view on the basis that "it's fine for a man but not a woman?!"..
Where has anyone said it's fine for a man to do the same?

I'd find it pretty grim if a man was off shagging someone else whilst his ex was pregnant with his baby, tbh.

Again, not to say anyone shouldn't do it. But I find the thought pretty gross

Humans are always trying to rationalize why they feel a certain way, instead of trusting their inner most animalistic instincts. Yes, we have evolved, but some things are hard wired.

Most men would be fiercely protective of a Partner that was carrying their baby. The thought of strange man having sex with her, and pumping away with his penis just inches from his baby's head, would feel very wrong, in a territorial way.

I would imagine the female feels much the same way. It does feel very wrong to me. Invasive almost. A strange man's penis, near my baby's head. A baby created by another man. Feels all sorts of wrong.

If she wants to then why not? Her body, her choice like you say!

I'm lost. Do women become something else the moment they get pregnant? You're no longer an autonomous human being with urges and needs?

I can understand not feeling like having sex, that happens for many reasons not just pregnancy. But what is it about being pregnant that makes it gross, repulsive, wrong? Or are people just slut-shaming the OP's friend because she's not hiding away in shame at being unwed and knocked-up?

I find it completely repulsive. Just out of a relationship and about to be a single mother, it wouldn’t kill her to wait until she has one mans baby out of her before letting another man into her

God what an awful post

Yes I also have an automatic 'noooo' reaction.

I think it's because of seeing pregnancy as such an intense and personal time, physically speaking. And yes more vulnerable. I suppose the feeling that beyond a certain stage of pregnancy, it's taken as read that it's just not going to be on the same footing as the normal sex/ONS with someone new scenario. The woman is by definition 'letting him in' to a far greater extent than he is doing? - if that makes sense? - I don't think it's a misogynist view - certainly nothing to do with having an issue with the woman's choices, if anything it feels more misandrist. I'm sure I'm not making sense!

Another no from me! I don’t understand why either party would want to under the curcumstances.

it's very 'Shameless'.

Sounds like a life gone wrong.

It doesn’t feel right to me...

But that’s because I have recently learned men have fetishes for pregnant women and that really turned my stomach

If she were in a relationship/thinking about jumping into this new relationship I'd be wary and cautious about that, for everybody's sakes as that could be very complicated (obviously could work out great! But equally could work out very bad, especially for the child when it's born). But if it's purely just casual sex, as long as she uses a condom then whatever floats her boat. I was having sex very rarely around that time in pregnancy as I struggled with engorgement cos of the pregnancy hormones and stuff so got uncomfortable most of the time when we tried to do anything, so it wouldn't be for me, but obviously everyone is different.

I don't like the idea but as long as they use a condom I suppose it's fine. Completely irresponsible if not using proper protection though, especially as she hasn't known him long.

I would judge.

It's just 'off' isn't it.

Not something I've ever thought about but it feels taboo, somehow (not the sex while pregnant, just that it's not the father).

@PotatoesDieInHotCars 👏🏼

It sounds fine to me. I had lots of sex with DH when I was pregnant. If I hadn’t been with him and had met someone else I liked during the pregnancy it wouldn’t have occurred to me to hold off because I was pregnant. I would have wanted him to use a condom though.

The exception to this would be if the guy was one of those (IMO) creepy men who are exceptionally attracted to pregnant women. I met one during that first pregnancy and even though he knew I was married he was very flirty and attentive - his attention weirded me out. I would hate to think someone wasn’t actually interested in me just satisfying their fetish.

How is it prioritising a relationship over her child, if she practises safe sex? The baby isn’t even born, it’s not like she has left it crying in another room while she has a shag

Because instead of thinking she should stay single and get her life in order before the birth, she’s jumping straight into a relationship with a new man. No one does that unless they have a history of questionable life decisions.

What Potatoesdieinhotcars said.

Her body, her business.

Im sorry but ive been single through all of my pregnancies and have never done this. I think its disgusting and yes I would judge!

Something about it is just “ ick!”

I think pregnancy is not the best time to either embark on a new relationship or shag around. Partly for emotional reasons and partly for disease control.