To ask opinions on sex while pregnant with a man who's not the dad

[blackcoffeeinbed]

What are people's opinions on having sex with someone you have met at 25weeks pregnant after being single for 3 months after splitting up from baby's dad?

Have had a friend ask my opinion on wether I think this is acceptable. I was a bit surprised by her asking and didn't really know what to say. I ended up saying it's her life and her body and if she is comfortable then it's her choice but to make sure she uses a condom as she hasn't known this guy long. She responded that she doesn't know if she should because it feels wrong while she has her baby inside her still, I said that if she is unsure then not to pressure herself.

I've never really thought about it tbh and usually I'm just of the opinion what people do isn't any of my business, but reflecting on it now I don't think I personally would if i was her, I can't put my finger on why exactly but then I've never been in her position! What do others think? Would you? Wouldn't you? Have you?

Sparkly listen, don’t let people like this upset you, they are simply not worth it. Your choices are fine and wholesome and totally ok.
They are the ones with the massive problem here, not you.

@MyGastIsFlabbered my apologies, given the awful comments on here I thought you were offended by the original question. I agree asking for deletion due to the awful comments is a good idea. Sorry.

I would think it's disgusting tbh. To me it seems like you cant even focus on your baby without jumping around from man to man. That is just my opinion.

How much “focusing on your baby” do you need to do whilst it’s still in your belly?

I get people saying, I don't think it would be for me, but presume that these people were in a "conventional" relationship and partner was father. But to be saying it's vile, disgusting blah blah is really uncalled for.

Not everyone has a partner whilst pregnant and things are different for others!

Yeah I'm disgusting. My fwb helped me get the baby's room ready, gazed in wonder when he first heard baby's heartbeat, held him with tenderness when born and loves him like he's his own. Yeah disgusting slapper who didn't focus on her baby.
Not many single mums commenting on here I'd guess. Just those with no idea what's it's like to be single and alone.

To me it seems like you cant even focus on your baby without jumping around from man to man. That is just my opinion

Did you read the OP? ONE man. Why the hyperbole?

How much focusing on a baby beyond the usual “eat well” and going to appts does one need to do

jumping around from man to man
You mean like a ring toss at the fun fair, only with genitals? That actually sounds fun, though somewhat unwieldy with a pregnant body. Be a nice distraction from all this baby-focusing though; I've been staring at my belly since August to the detriment of eating, sleeping, washing, work...

My fwb helped me get the baby's room ready, gazed in wonder when he first heard baby's heartbeat, held him with tenderness when born and loves him like he's his own

This sounds more like your boyfriend and not a fwb. I thought those were supposed to be about only about sex without emotional attachments. He was very emotionally attached to you and baby from the sound of it

So pregnant women have to focus all of their fine and energy on the baby and not have any personal life? What a terribly sexist outdated attitude!

time and energy

So pregnant women have to focus all of their fine and energy on the baby and not have any personal life?

Is having sex the only way to have a personal life? Seriously there are so many other ways to have a fulfilling life - even with sexual gratification - without having a physical relationship with another person.

SparklySneakers your situation is not anything like the OPs friend though is it?

People getting offended by the "pearl clutchers" on here are actually the aggressive ones.

And they have gone above and beyond the OP's dilemma by stating categorically that it is absolutely fine to shag whoever whenever as it's the woman's body yada yada.

This is not a discussion about fwb, because the pertinent letter in there is "f" ie friend . Some posters are saying it's no big deal to have sex whenever with whoever whilst pregnant.

I still stand by my opinion that such a person is indulging in risky behaviour and that is a red flag about the care of their forthcoming baby. Focusing on a baby is hardly "sexist and outdated". It's instinct to protect one's child. Otherwise you're just some sort of host organism with no connection to the baby. That's some weird attitude.

Seriously there are so many other ways to have a fulfilling life - even with sexual gratification - without having a physical relationship with another person

Great if you don’t want sex. Some people might.

and that is a red flag about the care of their forthcoming baby

And I stand by my opinion that is utter bunkum. The deviation away from the OP was from all the idiots suggesting a “carousel of men” and “shagging around”. The OP stated her friend was interested in ONE man. That is no more a risk to a forthcoming baby than a married couple.

JacquesHammer aren’t you concerned about this already “emotionally fragile” woman though? Who has just recently split from her partner.

I would be concerned what sort of man would be wanting this tbh. It is a red whether you agree or not.

JacquesHammer aren’t you concerned about this already “emotionally fragile” woman though? Who has just recently split from her partner

Do we know she’s emotionally fragile (I’m not reading the thread again, but can’t recall whether the OP said that or not!).

I would be concerned what sort of man would be wanting this tbh. It is a red whether you agree or not

Opinion isn’t fact.

My point was that I was focused on the navy not just sex.
If he wasn't my friend first then I'd have still had sex with him.

JacquesHammer read the OP again.

Her friend is having doubts about having sex with this man during her pregnancy. I'm not sure why you are just ignoring that and assuming anyone who says she should refrain at this time is just an anti-sex handmaid. People have instincts for a reason.

3 months after a breakup is peak period for rebound and bad choices. Add in a pregnancy - sorry I just don't think it's a good idea. If it was my friend I'd tell her to wait, that if it's just an orgasm you can have one on your own and if it's companionship, spend time with the guy but don't rush the sexual aspect. He might prove himself to be reliable and then she can reconsider down the line. If she was in a relationship 3 months ago how long can she have known him?

But as her friend I think that's my problem I don't want her to already be emotionally fragile and get into something that could put more pressure on her

You’re still not concerned?

Is having sex the only way to have a personal life?

No, it’s one of the ways and a pregnant woman who is single shouldn’t be expected to limit her choices because people like you want to police her actions based on misogynistic ideals.

*read the OP again.

Her friend is having doubts about having sex with this man during her pregnancy. I'm not sure why you are just ignoring that and assuming anyone who says she should refrain at this time is just an anti-sex handmaid. People have instincts for a reason*

If you’ll read my earlier posts I addressed that point.

I’m not debating with people who say “be careful”. I’m objecting to people using the grim judgemental phrasing; “vile”, “skank” etc. Fact is for some people sex isn’t an emotional thing. She might just want a fuck. No strings. If they’re safe then there’s no problems.

You’re still not concerned?

Not to the point of suggesting she’s going to be a chaotic and poor parent and there’s red flags about her future parenting - that’s patently nonsense.

Baby*

I didn’t say she was going to be a poor parent or that she’s chaotic. I asked you whether you were concerned about someone that is already emotionally fragile, that has recently split with the father of her unborn baby, that chooses to sleep with someone she’s just met when she’s already beginning to look heavily pregnant.

JessicaWakefieldSVH

Please point to any of my posts that have been misogynistic. Don't lump me in with anyone else, my position has been quite consistent.

She is fresh off a breakup and in the middle of a serious change in her life. Her friend's posts say she's fragile and lonely. I don't think now is the time to enter a sexual relationship with someone.

As I've said above I would not touch a man who was 3 months post breakup from his pregnant ex with a 10 foot pole so it's not anything to do with being anti woman.