To ask opinions on sex while pregnant with a man who's not the dad

[blackcoffeeinbed]

What are people's opinions on having sex with someone you have met at 25weeks pregnant after being single for 3 months after splitting up from baby's dad?

Have had a friend ask my opinion on wether I think this is acceptable. I was a bit surprised by her asking and didn't really know what to say. I ended up saying it's her life and her body and if she is comfortable then it's her choice but to make sure she uses a condom as she hasn't known this guy long. She responded that she doesn't know if she should because it feels wrong while she has her baby inside her still, I said that if she is unsure then not to pressure herself.

I've never really thought about it tbh and usually I'm just of the opinion what people do isn't any of my business, but reflecting on it now I don't think I personally would if i was her, I can't put my finger on why exactly but then I've never been in her position! What do others think? Would you? Wouldn't you? Have you?

@thecutecouple there's nothing identifiable in the op.

“Strange that a man would want to with another man's baby inside her.”

Why?

It is interesting that this causes such a visceral reaction and it would be extra interesting to get to the bottom of why.

I was not interested 1st trimester but after that was v frisky (apparently it's a thing that can happen due to extra blood supply around the, um, sensitive regions) so not a thing to take as read that pg = not fancying sex.

I also have a bit of a yikes reaction and I'm not sure why, there's no logical reason why not, as long as protected etc

I really want to work out why this provokes this visceral response though.

I don't understand why a man fancying a woman who is pregnant is weird though, whetehr it's his baby or not.

I think that there's something either v patriarchal or v animal going on here or possibly a combo of both. Not slagging anyone off my gut reponse is yikes as well and I don't know why!

@MeAgainAgain I know, I feel like it's some sort of caveman reaction and I'm trying to understand why.

Eww, it's really trashy, in my view anyway.

Maybe something to do with the fact that pregnant women are more vulnerable physically and also to diseases etc that reacts against the thought of sex with a 'stranger'. Maybe the baby creating a biological link with the father?
I had sex a few times with my DH whilst pregnant and it was fine because he loves me and created the baby with me so I felt entirely safe with him. The thought of having sex with someone else would give me the heebies though.

I suppose a man fancying a pregnant women is 'weird' in that the purpose of sex is to procreate so it's pointless if the woman's already pregnant.
A man having sex with a woman who's pregnant with his baby is strengthening the family bond.
Humans are weird and fascinating.

Trashy?? Really? FFS.

There are STI’s you can easily catch even with condoms so with that risk alone, I wouldn’t do it when pregnant.

It’s not weird if your the Father of the baby sleeps with his pregnant wife/partner because it’s his partner/wife and she is carrying his baby. It’s just weird for a man to want to sleep with a fairly heavily pregnant woman when the baby isn’t his. I’d worry it’s some sort of fetish.

I don't think it's very nice.

Bordering on a bit gross to be honest.

But then I'm hurtling towards 50 and may be a little ahem old fashioned.

I wouldn’t say anything to the friend, it’s up to her but I’d be thinking ew, I don’t know why, something about it is a bit wrong.

It makes me feel a bit cold, but I can’t explain why.
My only thoughts go to having the penis of a man, who didn’t help to create the life, so close to my unborn child? Makes no sense as they’re not big enough to touch or be that close, but still.

It’s not for me but tell her to crack on it she’s safe and it’s what they both want.

Just has messy written all over it. 25 weeks pregnant single for 3 months and moving onto another guy already?

Pregnant women are vulnerable, I’ve read that abuse rates rise during this period. So many reasons not to jump into bed with someone right now.

I think it's a bit gross

@brookshelley yes, and let's not forget that 'strange' men often prove to be a risk to babies and small children too.

Could it be a sort of reflection of well known male insecurity around paternity?

Like, lots of men through history and all over the world have gone to great lengths to ensure as far as poss baby is theirs,

So for a man to be with a woman when he knows the baby isn't his is counter to all that to such a point its unthinkable?

Just thinking out loud.

Inwardly I'd judge.

Its grubby.

Another one who knows logically that it’s fine, but for whom it causes a visceral reaction of “eeew”.

I don't see this as any different to sleeping with the baby's father. Some people are still up for pregnancy sex, some aren't.

Would the people who think this is 'disgusting' think a couple who had to use donor sperm shouldn't have sex?

Because if not, its nothing to do with DNA, and everything to do with regressive moral judgements on women...

@MeAgainAgain yes, that will be a factor.

In the animal kingdom in several species once a male mates with a female he will 'guard' her afterwards until she is no longer fertile or until the offspring is born.

Humans haven't actually evolved much in a long long time.

Anyway I think I've derailed the thread

I think it’s completely up to her. As long as she’s ok, it’s got nothing to do with anyone else.

For those who find the idea gross, for weird judgy reasons, would up the bum be OK?

Is this research for a Jeremy Kyle show ?

I'm 30 weeks and have zero sex drive. Partner has not been asking for it either, which I thought was a bit strange but he explained that he just feels funny about it feeling his daughter kick and wriggle from the outside and feeling all gooey about it... and then prodding her with his knob and having an orgasm!

I think this might be why people feel a bit weird about it - obviously the baby doesn't know anything about it, but it just feels a bit strange doing 'naughty' things so close to this innocent little creature. With the biological dad you can probably put those feelings aside, but with somebody who's not even related it's just a bit odd?

All power to the woman though, if she wants to do it and doesn't feel weird then great! I definitely couldn't do it (but then I'm so loved up with my partner the thought of being with anyone else grosses me out anyway!)

I think the visceral reaction is pure misogyny tbh. Do women suddenly lose all right to bodily autonomy when pregnant? It seems so, reading this thread. Grotesque? Gross? Really?

If a man split with his pregnant ex, then got into a new relationship, would people judge it to be grotesque? Suspect not. There's no infidelity or deception here - what's the issue? As long as condoms are used, as per any other new relationship, I really can't see an issue here. If your friend doesn't want to do it, fine, don't. If she does, hope she has a good time!