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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask opinions on sex while pregnant with a man who's not the dad

445 replies

blackcoffeeinbed · 07/03/2019 14:59

What are people's opinions on having sex with someone you have met at 25weeks pregnant after being single for 3 months after splitting up from baby's dad?

Have had a friend ask my opinion on wether I think this is acceptable. I was a bit surprised by her asking and didn't really know what to say. I ended up saying it's her life and her body and if she is comfortable then it's her choice but to make sure she uses a condom as she hasn't known this guy long. She responded that she doesn't know if she should because it feels wrong while she has her baby inside her still, I said that if she is unsure then not to pressure herself.

I've never really thought about it tbh and usually I'm just of the opinion what people do isn't any of my business, but reflecting on it now I don't think I personally would if i was her, I can't put my finger on why exactly but then I've never been in her position! What do others think? Would you? Wouldn't you? Have you?

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 08/03/2019 11:26

Also I agree stability is beat for children. But do you think in this case, a sex ban will mean more stability? She's pregnant the baby won't know if he fucks off after a few weeks. It's jumping the gun a bit to say sex ban when pregnant = lifelong stability for child or sex with one person who isn't the dad when pregnant = a succession of partners coming and going throughout their life

JacquesHammer · 08/03/2019 11:29

Also I agree stability is beat for children. But do you think in this case, a sex ban will mean more stability? She's pregnant the baby won't know if he fucks off after a few weeks. It's jumping the gun a bit to say sex ban when pregnant = lifelong stability for child or sex with one person who isn't the dad when pregnant = a succession of partners coming and going throughout their life

Good post

havingabadhairday · 08/03/2019 11:38

I wouldn't, but then I found sex physically uncomfortable from quite early on and just to make the idea even more off putting I had constant nausea.

Don't see anything wrong with it if they're both happy though. Up to them.

IrmaFayLear · 08/03/2019 11:51

Not very nice imo. I would judge the man too. It raises serious questions about the stability of the home life of the forthcoming child.

I was at a court case where the new boyfriend of mother with 3-month-old baby had murdered the baby. They had been together a few months. Of course the boyfriend was a despicable beast, but I couldn't get over the mother having such scant regard for the welfare of her child.

It's your body, yada yada, but this all smacks of MEEEE FIRST and absolutely no sense of decency and responsibility.

Happyspud · 08/03/2019 11:52

Every woman is free to decide about her own body.

That general rule of thumb seems to have gotten horribly lost on this thread.

JacquesHammer · 08/03/2019 11:52

It raises serious questions about the stability of the home life of the forthcoming child

No, it really doesn't.

Happyspud · 08/03/2019 11:54

Irma, I dispair. That’s pretty serious victim blaming and you may have been party to the court case but you weren’t there with the couple in and around the incident. You also were not party to that woman’s whole past. People who make bad choices are often just as much victims themselves.

KidLorneRoll · 08/03/2019 12:04

"It raises serious questions about the stability of the home life of the forthcoming child."

Does it fuck.

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 08/03/2019 12:22

but this all smacks of MEEEE FIRST and absolutely no sense of decency and responsibility.

What kind of stupid comment is this? So having sex when you’re pregnant and not in a relationship is somehow not responsible? My word. What a load of utter nonsense!

Are there some people here not getting any? Not into sex for just the fun of it? Honestly how uptight can you be.

IrmaFayLear · 08/03/2019 12:34

I despair.

Shagging around for the fun of it fine when on your own. But when pregnant you're not on your own. And when the baby has arrived you're definitely not on your own.

Are all these "don't judge" posters on board with bringing random men back for a shag when you have children in the house? Because it's all fine as long as you're doing what you want to?

We beat our breasts about children from chaotic backgrounds. But oh, no. We can't possibly judge parental behaviour.

JacquesHammer · 08/03/2019 12:36

We beat our breasts about children from chaotic backgrounds. But oh, no. We can't possibly judge parental behaviour

Casual sex doesn’t need to equal chaotic backgrounds Confused

SparklySneakers · 08/03/2019 12:36

Is he random? No. Is he one of many? No.

IrmaFayLear · 08/03/2019 12:49

Well, I just don't get why people would admit random men over their thresholds when they have dcs in the house. Random men staying over .

This is not being ultra prudish. It's just normal parenting - ie caring about your dc's welfare. Clearly that's all a bit fuddy duddy and if there's a revolving door of blokes it indicates being emancipated rather than someone who has a lack of self-respect and is clearly not that bothered about their children's safety.

burritofan · 08/03/2019 12:55

Irma, you can randomly italicise words all you like, you're still talking nonsense. Read the OP again. Where is it said she's got a "revolving door of blokes" (nice judgement, there!)? Where does it say she has children in the house? And until the baby is born, she is alone. The baby is not thrashing around in her uterus saying, "Mummy, no, not another penis! This is all too chaotic!"

JacquesHammer · 08/03/2019 12:56

*Well, I just don't get why people would admit random men over their thresholds when they have dcs in the house. Random men staying over .

This is not being ultra prudish. It's just normal parenting - ie caring about your dc's welfare. Clearly that's all a bit fuddy duddy and if there's a revolving door of blokes it indicates being emancipated rather than someone who has a lack of self-respect and is clearly not that bothered about their children's safety*

You’re projecting. Which part of the OP’s post suggests a revolving door situation?

JacquesHammer · 08/03/2019 12:57

than someone who has a lack of self-respect

I call thread about sex bingo!

NotACleverName · 08/03/2019 13:01

This is not being ultra prudish. It's just normal parenting - ie caring about your dc's welfare. Clearly that's all a bit fuddy duddy and if there's a revolving door of blokes it indicates being emancipated rather than someone who has a lack of self-respect and is clearly not that bothered about their children's safety.

I'll take "wild extrapolations with no evidence" for 500, Alex.

My thoughts on the scenario presented in the OP? Not my vagina, not my business.

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 08/03/2019 13:10

Not my vagina, not my business.

Exactly this. But then women and their vaginas have been policed and judged by others since time immemorial- and other women can be the worst.

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 08/03/2019 13:11

It's just normal parenting

Nah, it really isn’t anything to do with parenting. She’s pregnant. This is about HER sex life.

KidLorneRoll · 08/03/2019 13:31

LrmaFayLear what utter shite you are talking.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 08/03/2019 14:14

This thread really is depressing reading.

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 08/03/2019 14:20

This thread, while disappointing, is a reminder to us just how much other women can judge and express internalised misogyny. Never forget what, and who, we are up against when it comes to female liberation.

feelingverylazytoday · 08/03/2019 14:26

I'm of the opinion that freely consenting adults can do whatever the fuck they like with their own genitals in private (within legal limits, so no incest etc), and seeing that a pregnant woman is a legal adult it really has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else.

cometinmoominvalley · 08/03/2019 14:59

I don't think it's a problem at all if she likes him, is safe and comfortable etc. Probably easier to have a sex life at this point than after the baby is born! I hope it goes well for her. Not gross at all imo.

UnicornRainbowsRain · 08/03/2019 15:01

Not my vagina, not my business.

Also fuck fuck fuck the judgy misogyny on this thread.

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