To ask opinions on sex while pregnant with a man who's not the dad

[blackcoffeeinbed]

What are people's opinions on having sex with someone you have met at 25weeks pregnant after being single for 3 months after splitting up from baby's dad?

Have had a friend ask my opinion on wether I think this is acceptable. I was a bit surprised by her asking and didn't really know what to say. I ended up saying it's her life and her body and if she is comfortable then it's her choice but to make sure she uses a condom as she hasn't known this guy long. She responded that she doesn't know if she should because it feels wrong while she has her baby inside her still, I said that if she is unsure then not to pressure herself.

I've never really thought about it tbh and usually I'm just of the opinion what people do isn't any of my business, but reflecting on it now I don't think I personally would if i was her, I can't put my finger on why exactly but then I've never been in her position! What do others think? Would you? Wouldn't you? Have you?

Your vagina really won't rot away if you have more than one sexual partner. There was a time when more than one partner (and only after marriage) was deemed to be judge worthy.

How many of you were really virgins on your fucking wedding day?

My main concern would be how well she knows the man she is thinking of having sex with. I don't judge any woman who chooses to have casual sex, but I do worry about their safety. Doubly so if she is pregnant.

I think it’s fine but I wonder how a man would feel at someone else’s baby being present as it were? Anyway as long as she’s safe and both partners are willing why not.

Only in this small peculiar bubble is it all "swing your (maternity) pants" and "it's your vagina" etc etc.

Back in the Real World I don't know anyone - myself included - who would seek casual hook-ups whilst over six months pregnant. How are you finding this sexual partner? What is their reaction? Presumably you let them know the deal beforehand?

Surely there are simpler ways of achieving some gratification without involving yourself with some random man who, imo, shows himself to be even more random for wanting to have sex with an unknown woman in advanced pregnancy.

Ah, yes, the Real World, where it's not my vagina

Whose vagina was it in my third trimester? I am now fascinated to know.

Well it’s not for me as I wouldn’t like the thought of the person I’m having sex with potentially passing something on to me while I’m pregnant, protection used or not.
I guess everybody is just different and we all have different priorities!

There’s nothing morally wrong with her having sex if she’s wants to but if it’s more than casual I’d be worried that she is rushing into things. 3 months out of a relationship with a baby due in 3 months is not a great time to be getting involved in a new relationship.

Grim.

My initial blunt thought was god no thats weird! Sorry still feel the same, couldn't imagine at all wanting to but each to there own and if they are both comfortable then I guess its no one else business.

OP was not talking about random men, multiple hook ups or casual sex with someone her friend barely knows. I love how the pearl clutchers have added extra details to maximise their horror at a single woman having sex whilst pregnant with someone she likes and who likes her where they are two consenting adults.
I loved my fwb that I had whilst pregnant. Truly loved him. We are still friends. The biological dad didn't give a shit about me or our baby and was gone before the pregnancy stick showed positive. I made an informed choice. Dc loves my ex fwb and ex fwb loves my dc. They are great friends. We are no longer fwb but are close. Dc totally unaware of our past sexual relationship and has in no way affected them due to not knowing.

I'm pretty sure the pearl clutchers have skeletons in their morality cupboard.

Single pregnant women must not have needs. Or if they do they must not satisfy them with another person. God forbid they should enjoy a loving intimate respectful relationship.

It would be interesting to know how all the holier than thou's would act if they found themselves single, pregnant and had the chance of a loving relationship with a new man.

I think the pearl-clutchers enjoy the breathless, titillating thrill of speculating on the (non-existent) revolving door of random men for non-stop all-night scandalous bonkathons, the same way tabloids pretend to be outraged by, say, a sexy music video, but helpfully illustrate their outrage with hundreds of photos of the scantily clad woman in question. Some of the moralising verges on the heavy-breathing Mills & Boon-esque.

I've reported this thread because I think it's ducking horrible.

I find it pretty grim.

@MyGastIsFlabbered you've reported it? On what grounds? Get a fucking grip!

You're being ridiculous! It's like it's personally offended you!

@MyGastIsFlabbered I've reported it too but HQ said although they understood they were letting the discussion continue. Particularly vile comments have been deleted but the general attitude is the nastiest I've ever come across.

Do what you want as long as you are happy

Three deletions on what I think is one of the nastiest threads I've ever seen on here (and I've been kicking around here for a decade). Disappointing response from MN, and profoundly depressing to realise there are so many hideously judgemental people out there.

I do hope the OP's friend never stumbles upon this.

@howwillwedeal I've got several grips thank you. I'm not personally offended at all but the judgements on this thread are really fucking depressing. How the fuck are we supposed to smash the patriarchy when we're so judgey against each other? Jeez

I've come to the very sad conclusion that women are women's enemy albeit less so than men. Women are upholding the patriarchy.

I think the pearl-clutchers enjoy the breathless, titillating thrill of speculating on the (non-existent) revolving door of random men for non-stop all-night scandalous bonkathons, the same way tabloids pretend to be outraged by, say, a sexy music video, but helpfully illustrate their outrage with hundreds of photos of the scantily clad woman in question. Some of the moralising verges on the heavy-breathing Mills & Boon-esque

No I don’t think anything like that. What a stupid thing to write.

@FermatsTheorem I was once that friend and this thread would have caused me serious distress. To be honest it's upset me a great deal to know that people think I'm a slut, a slapper, grim, gross, vile, disgusting etc for having a loving respectful relationship with my best friend when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and single. My now 4 yo is the best thing to ever happen to me and is loved beyond measure by me and my ex fwb. That pregnancy was hard but having that closeness with my fwb was a very positive thing.
I could hide the thread but it's a great reminder of why I have little faith in people. I wonder how I'd be judged by people in real life that I know if they knew.

Sparkly - As I said upthread, childhood neighbours of my parents were in exactly this position - they had met when female neighbour was already pregnant, and had started dating and eventually married. My parents were always of the opinion that it was utterly lovely that neighbour had found a lovely bloke at a time in her life which had otherwise been so difficult. It never even occurred to me, to be honest, that people would react differently.

This thread has been an eye-opener, and not in a good way. It is so depressing to discover that there's yet another new way you hadn't even thought of that human beings can prove themselves to be utterly shitty to other human beings.

The majority of comments against the hookup are talking about safety, timing (just out of a previous relationship), potential impact when baby arrives, etc.

The friend is unsure if she should do it. That means she has her own fears and doubts about it. So people here are pointing them out. OP didn’t say “my friend is 25 weeks and sleeping with a new guy, she’s happy about it what do you think?” which is a different situation.

It’s not pearl clutching to convey to a slightly nervous woman that yes - your nerves aren’t unfounded and you can say no to this man if you feel like it.