To ask opinions on sex while pregnant with a man who's not the dad

[blackcoffeeinbed]

What are people's opinions on having sex with someone you have met at 25weeks pregnant after being single for 3 months after splitting up from baby's dad?

Have had a friend ask my opinion on wether I think this is acceptable. I was a bit surprised by her asking and didn't really know what to say. I ended up saying it's her life and her body and if she is comfortable then it's her choice but to make sure she uses a condom as she hasn't known this guy long. She responded that she doesn't know if she should because it feels wrong while she has her baby inside her still, I said that if she is unsure then not to pressure herself.

I've never really thought about it tbh and usually I'm just of the opinion what people do isn't any of my business, but reflecting on it now I don't think I personally would if i was her, I can't put my finger on why exactly but then I've never been in her position! What do others think? Would you? Wouldn't you? Have you?

@Happyspud I don't understand.....surely everything makes up "the woman so wine is"? Is there an issue with fancying someone backside you like an aspect of them? You then may or may not fall in love with the woman/man they are?

Being attracted to a pregnant woman, does not make you disturbed or a fetishist

Yes, if you are attracted to a woman because she is pregnant, then I think that’s creepy. Of course you can be attracted to a woman who is simply pregnant. But I’d be careful is all.

Jacques, but I'm interested also in attitudes towards sex when people are actually parents too. What did you think about the questions Inraised about that please? It was you who mentioned you are a parent and your casual relationship has zero impact on your children. I simply followed up on what you said.

Re your Q about the impact of a 3 week casual fling (which also isn't what Op has actually specified) I would say there is no simple answer. Op might find she is totally detached and unaffected by it, or that she actually becomes more involved than she thought she would and is a bit disappointed when it ends. Either is possible but the latter probably won't her feel very happy or settled and Inwould say that could have an impact on her child. It is now well known that the mental state women find themselves in whilst pregnant does impact the foetus - any sense of danger or stress is negative and can result in things like low birth weight. Of course it's hard when staring something with someone to know how casual or long lasting it might be or how you might feel about it - so perhaps a pregnant person might choose to be more cautious about encountering those possible risks whilst oregnant, even if those risks seem small. Wouldn't you think oregnant women might be a little more cautious about lots of things during pregnancy than they might at other times? This could be just one of them. I think it's why lots of people on here feel a bit uncomfortable about the idea but can't quite explain why, because in another situation they would simply say 'go ahead'. It's not about women not being 'allowed' to have sex or about single women or pregnant single women being told not to have sex or start relationships. For some, after careful thought it may well be the absolutley right thing to do. But surely you'd have to think about it and weigh possible consequences for both yourself and your baby...because things that impact you can impact the baby or the situation they are born into a few weeks later, and surely many pregnant women will feel that they want to avoid all risks during pregnancy and that what is suggested whilst unlikely to result in anything negative, does have some potential risks.

It was you who mentioned you are a parent and your casual relationship has zero impact on your children

It’s not a relationship. I have a FWB.

With regards to your questions it was all moot to some extent. I don’t want a relationship so it was pointless thinking about the impact on my child as it wasn’t going to happen.

Re: your second post, I would assert by garnering her friends opinions she IS considering it carefully.

Yes I think you’re right and that by asking her friend she is seeking advice and considering what to do.

Perhaps before she was pregnant she’d have launched in more easily (we don’t know) but now she’s pregnant feels more of that sense of need to be cautious which I mentioned - perhaps all women who are pregnant feel a need to avoid potential risks or weigh them more carefully than before, to protect themselves and their baby. I think it’s natural to feel that anything that happens to you affects the baby as at that point you and baby are one. In some ways people who say ‘how can it impact baby who isn’t even here yet ‘ are right and it would seem an existing child stands to be affected much more, but actually the mood of the mother and her wellbeing seemingly do directly impact the baby and it’s development too.

In the end, like everyone she has to choose for herself. It’s good she’s thinking carefully, as it’s not just her now. Perhaps most pregnant women don’t find themselves faced with this dilemma, but it seems from this thread that many feel they wouldn’t consider this, even if they don’t quite know why. I don’t think it’s misogyny but a sense of pregnant women wanting to protect themselves and their baby,and many (not all) feel that starting a relationship or even a fling just might be unsettling - and they naturally move away from being unsettled at this time and become more risk averse. The risks might be low or seem low to us, but risks are present.

I don’t think it’s misogyny but a sense of pregnant women wanting to protect themselves and their baby,and many (not all) feel that starting a relationship or even a fling just might be unsettling - and they naturally move away from being unsettled at this time and become more risk averse. The risks might be low or seem low to us, but risks are present

Suggesting risk assesment isn’t misogyny.

Labelling her as “gross”, “skank”, “repulsive”, casting aspersions on her future parenting qualities all comes from a persuasive sense of misogyny surrounding women and sex.

I think it's really the epitome of misogyny to claim that something growing inside a woman's body somehow belongs to a man and it would be mortally offensive to "infiltrate" that possession from another man. A bit like dogs pissing on their territory, except with a woman rather than a pavement.

Im sorry but ive been single through all of my pregnancies and have never done this. I think its disgusting and yes I would judge!

I think this is my favourite post on this thread

I would judge a woman who sleeps with random men during her pregnancy if thats clear enough for you 🙄. Vile. Vile. Vile.

I judge women who judge other women based on who they sleep with. Vile. Vile. Vile.

Absolutely spot on Jessica. I am still gobsmacked by the misogyny on this thread. You can see where Atwood got the idea for the Aunts from.

You can see where Atwood got the idea for the Aunts from. oh yes, they’re everywhere.

I’m uncomfortable with the idea because of the risks of transmitting an STD to the baby, violence from the man (minuscule risk or not, it is a risk), or emotional upheaval at a vulnerable time. For me, sex with a new partner during pregnancy just wouldn’t be worth the risk to my physical and mental health and the physical health of the baby.

Obviously everyone assesses risk differently. And I don’t think I, personally, would be able to separate sex from emotion when pregnant (not sure I ever can - I know that some women can).

it's a well known genre of porn what the fuck shitty dumb reasoning is that? So the fuck is Asian porn, are Asian people not allowed to have sex for fear that their sexual partners might be turned on by their Asian appearance. This thread is a disgusting example if misogynistic judginess of a single woman choosing to have sex where there is no harm to her or anyone else. Not a single valid reason has been given as to why she shouldn't have sex.

It's up to her. It's her body.

Agree she should use a condom if she decides that she wants to.

The main thing is that she is safe, and that she is happy with her own decision.

Lots of judgement on here from the vagina police

Having sex whilst pregnant is fine. Obviously with a new partner she would need to protect herself from STIs (ie use a condom).
But it sounds that she isn't really sure about this and might be doing it out of loneliness and missing the intimacy and affection of being in a couple. And I don't think that having casual sex would address this, and potentially complicate things for her.

Condoms do not protect from herpes and HPV.

Unless this condom covers your entire body.

Asian people not allowed to have sex for fear that their sexual partners might be turned on by their Asian appearance

Funny you should bring that up. There are creepy (usually white) guys that date Asian woman after Asian woman. Guess what? They do feel sick to the stomach when they see all the past girlfriends have been Asian, too. Fetishists are real and it’s gross. I know disabled women who’ve also complained about this.

It's absolutely fine for your friend OP, I was in her position and had a lovely boyfriend who I got together with in the third trimester and we had lots of fun and he cared very much about me and the baby.

All those saying it's grubby, trashy, icky - you have a real Virgin Mary syndrome. You'd be happier to see a pg woman on a pedestal of celibacy with the construcive halo of misogynist judgement firmly in place, than allow her to her follow her own feelings and desires.

Get off your high donkeys, all of you.

Why would anyone feel sick to the stomach finding out that someone they had sex with was visually attracted to them? Sounds like total nonsrnsical made up shite, along the same lines of if you are attracted to the sex of someone (I.e. being straight or gay) then you are a genital fetishist.

Why would anyone feel sick to the stomach finding out that someone they had sex with was visually attracted to them

Because they don’t see you as a person, just a sex object. It’s a real thing, and it’s creepy to “date only Asians” It’s a fetish. Just like fat fetishes (those tend to be very abusive and harmful, because they tend to be feeders)

This has nothing to do with “genital preference”

Not very nice imo. I would judge the man too. It raises serious questions about the stability of the home life of the forthcoming I was at a court case where the new boyfriend of mother with 3-month-old baby had murdered the baby. They had been together a few months. Of course the boyfriend was a despicable beast, but I couldn't get over the mother having such scant regard for the welfare of her child.

I am sure that the lovely man in question would never have done such a thing had it been his own child right? As might have been if she had met him 6 months earlier when you wouldn't be judging her?

The truth is we all judge.

For example, I'm judging Bobbycat121 for being a vile stupid misogynist. Please report me but when you do it would be good if MN looked up your previous posts as you are revolting.

I would judge a woman who sleeps with random men during her pregnancy if thats clear enough for you 🙄. Vile. Vile. Vile.

People act like they cant wait 9 months, I was single more than once in pregnancy and didnt have sex with anyone. Cant people control themselves anymore or are people really that desperate ?

Not all single pregnant women sleep around you know, some of us actually have self respect.

Some people don't tie their self-respect up in their inability to get laid. [meh]

Who isnt the childs father. Its grim to be honest. Very wrong.