“Well I don’t want to...but if I have to I will!” 😡

[HappyHoll]

DP and I are getting married in 10 weeks!

I’ve also been working FT, studying a degree FT and organising this wedding FT, causing serious stress.

He reasons that, coming to appointments with me and helping to pick between 2-3 short listed options (which I narrow down from thousands 😒), means he’s doing loads!

And yes when I talk to others I realise he is better than ‘most’ grooms! However, when he proposed- I spelt out to him that due to my commitments he would need to STEP UP to share the ‘mental load’!

Today recovering from a horrible virus and am supposed to make an hour journey for the flowers girls to try on their dresses!

We’ve already rescheduled twice (because we’re too busy to go), so I can’t reschedule again. We also have no available time to reschedule to!

The girls 6 and 9, keep getting excited and then being let down and the dresses are too much to post. DP is a GP and says I’m no longer an infection threat so that’s not an excuse!

DP messaged at lunch to say he’s taken the afternoon as annual leave after a training session was cancelled.

“Great, would you come with me to do the flower girl dresses so I don’t have to do the whole drive myself, feeling pants?”

DP (bottom lip out)- “well I don’t want to... but if I have to I will.”

Smaked of ‘I don’t want to waste my annual leave on wedding stuff’ - despite almost all my annual leave going on this!

AIBU to be fuming and have stomped off upstairs?
He’s down there watching Netflix...amidst all the wedding crafts I’ve spent the morning glue gunning together!

In general he’s wonderful and caring, and ofc he WILL come with me, but I just hate the reluctance, that Im asking him to spend HIS annual leave doing something for OUR wedding! The audacity I have 🙄

My Dad's advice to me (a doctor) - Never marry outside of your profession or they'll never understand.

Yes @doubleorquits that sounds entirely feasible and not the least bit snobby

You lost me at glue gunning. It’s supposed to be fun.

What are the favours you've glue gunned?

I'm sorry, but I'm now reducing my estimation to 2 years.

What the actual fuck could or would you be glueing for your wedding?

Sorry I got as far as "planning the wedding FT" 🙊

I also work FT, I'm in my final year at Uni and I have 3 children.
I'm also engaged.

Take a bloody chill pill

atm I barely have time to eat and shower between!
Seriously, put down the glue gun, scale this wedding production down a few (hundred) notches, draw yourself a bath and eat properly; it's ONE day and you, DP and your guests are not going to remember the hand-glued flim-flams or hoojamijigs.

Omg @burritofan I think I love you....will you, will you marry me??? You had me at "flimflams"

What the actual fuck could or would you be glueing for your wedding?

@Doubleorquits

Maybe if you stop sniffing it you might be able to engage your brain.

@livefornaps Yes but only if we elope, as I don't own a glue gun

You’re planning a wedding full time?

Well, you’re just not, are you?

Just nonsense. You are not scaling down “1000s” of options to 2 to 3. Unless you’re saying you looked at 10 caterers online, but there were another 90 you could have looked at.

Stop making a meal of wedding planning (that’s 10 weeks away!) then be sure to divvy up the REAL tasks.

My exH was exactly like that. And I was a martyr like you. I was pushed into a big wedding I didn’t want but ended up doing everything. Everyone thought he was a hero because he picked the invitations design. He essentially did a couple of the easy, fun things he chose to do and left everything else to me. It was a sign of things to come. I saw it at the time but was in denial. He got much worse once we got married. He cried like a baby when I left his sorry arse and made lots of promises to change but I honestly didn’t give a fuck anymore. I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my 30s waiting to see whether he changes or not.

This is ridiculous. Just tell him that you weren't the one who wanted the big wedding, you are sick and tired of the planning and things to do and he needs to take on at least 50% of the whole business as of now or you will be cancelling and booking the registry office (assuming you still want to marry him, that is, none of this sounds very attractive to me).

If they were ordered online why not post them to their house. Their mum could send photos. I really don’t get the angst or need for a glue gun.

I agree with those saying put the gun down

he was pretty excited to see [the flower girl dresses]

Really?

What are the thousands of options and 2/3 choices?

Church, venue, cars, cake, frock, flowers, invitations, lashings of champagne. Firget all the other tosh.

Can't your mother organise some of it? Our wedding was 28 years ago. DH organised his BM and ushers and the honeymoon, got bored in Peter Jones when we did the wedding list and went to read the paper.

People mother knew did the cake and flowers (to my brief) we chose food from the caterers menu, booked a string quartet a friend played in, father went and tasted fizzy wine and champagne, the guests turned up.

In the days before the wedding industry and favours. It's a marriage first a wedding second.

If you find an hour's drive a slog then it's no wonder you find wedding planning so stressful. Seriously, it's not that hard. It's a bloody party, is all it is.

Can't your mother organise some of it?
It's the DP who wants the big wedding! Why should his work be outsourced to OP's mother?

Because the op wants help and mothers help organise weddings. Mine did; it was great.

Yeah, this thread has red flags all over it.

Maybe start by reading the book Wifework, OP. It's your future.

Mothers help organise weddings?! Bloody hell. Some might. Some might not. Mine certainly wouldn't, nor would I expect her to – it's not automatically women's work! Particularly when it's the man who wants the giant wedding in the first place.