Nanny problem - dizziness

[Yoonie]

Dear all

Need some advice regarding a new development that concerns my 60year old nanny. When we hired her 6months ago, she was active, vibrant, full of energy and enthusiasm.

After Christmas, she was diagnosed with a dizziness problem (with severe headache and vomiting) and went 2-3times to the doctors to get tested. The blood results came back and she only informed me that there is no cure (no pill) she can take and that she just has to live with it. She has not been forthcoming with the medical condition since then.

Now, as I have had a lot of time after Christmas to stay at home, I noticed a big change in her activities with my 9months old baby. In the past two months, she has not gone out of the house with her. Except the two times that I insisted that she takes her out (it was such a beautiful day!). She went out reluctantly and cited that it is too cold for the baby and that her eyes were runny.

Her attitude has also changed a lot, before she was a positive and energetic person and now when I ask her to prepare meals for my 7 year old son, she insists that she cooks at home and bring them the next day. Once it took her over 2 weeks to bring the food to my son. That was not part of the deal and she asks to be compensated for the extra hours she spent cooking at her house too, which I did not ask. She can in fact cook while my 9months old baby is sleeping but she only does puzzles during the 1.5 - 2 hour nap which she takes two times a day. So I feel a little short changed. She also does not do any little house chores which are in her contract.

She also does not go to fetch old books from my 7 year old DS1, which is on the third floor of the house (town house), which puzzles me as I told her repeatedly that it will be good for DD2 to start to look at books. I suspect that she does not feel confident enough to walk up the staircase and back down.

After talking to my sister-in-law last week, who had an auntie with dizziness problem and stayed home 3 months after fainting, I got scared. I feel very uncomfortable leaving my very active baby in her care. I cannot leave the baby alone for 5minutes as she is crawling everywhere and trying to standing up every second. She can get into trouble any second, if unattended by an adult.

Lastly, when I asked her last week to accompany me and my DS1 for a swimming lesson (it was close to her husband's restaurant), instead of hanging around the swimming pool centre, she insisted on taking her to her husband's restaurant for 45minutes and for me to pick up my baby after the swimming lesson. This involved her driving my baby on the front seat of the car (which she does with her granddaughter, but I was too shocked to even respond). I think she is doing this to protect herself, and her not being forthright about her condition is making me paranoid and uneasy.

Please tell me if I am being paranoid or if I have start taking measures to let her go. My DH is very much against a dismissal based on her fitness to work. But I feel that I have to request from her doctor a written confirmation that she is able to carry on her work with her condition. Am I being too harsh? Please be honest with me. I want to hear your honest thoughts.

@ Yerroblemom1923 - Her reply was that she doesn't have all the things she needs to cook (ingredients, the right pot and knife). I told her to go to the supermarket and buy them simply but then she just kind of mumbled and didn't give me a clear reason. I told her it doesn't need to be perfect (not all herbs need to be in there), but she said it is easier for her. As for fear of fire, we got a new induction cooker last year, so it is child safe.

I wonder if your Nanny has Menaires disease. My late GM had it. The symptoms were dizziness , lack of balance and sickness. I think it is a problem of the inner ear. An attack is unpredictable and had a bad effect on my GM's life, she lost confidence in going out. Idon't know what the treatment is these days.

I wonder if your Nanny has Menaires disease. My late GM had it. The symptoms were dizziness , lack of balance and sickness. I think it is a problem of the inner ear. An attack is unpredictable and had a bad effect on my GM's life, she lost confidence in going out. Idon't know what the treatment is these days.

Sorry posted twice!

No reason why, like any other employer, you should not request a fitness to work certificate from her doctor. However, this probably won’t be of much use because in all likelihood, u less she has a severe illness affecting her general competence, the doctor will pretty much rely on what she tells him/her about how she feels about coping with work.
She may have Ménière’s disease which can be very disorienting (like standing on the deck of a ship in a heavy swell) and which can be of relatively short duration or permanent. Whatever, it has knocked her confidence and she is beginning to feel her age and she is no longer up to the job.
It may seem harsh to your DH but you really don’t have any choice but to let her go. Thie situation is causing you extra work and stress and defeating the purpose of employing a nanny and more importantly may be placing your children at risk

Lots of ageism on this thread, which is bizarre when you consider that most of us of working age now may well be working into our 70s. I do hope none of the people going '60, wtf' comes up against an attitude like their own if they find themselves looking for work at the same age and with 10+ years before retirement left ahead of them.

re op's actual question, if she's not doing the job as required then of course you are within your rights to let her go.

I just don't understand why she's refusing to do so many things and you're accepting her malingering, obstinacy and defiance. She's your employee not family. Presumably there's a contract which lists her duties and your expectations. She has a right to keep the medical diagnosis private if it doesn't affect her ability to do her job but clearly it does.

And as for arguing over seatbelts - it's the law in the UK, all passengers need them on front and rear. Why is she even arguing about that? Is there something cultural going on here? There is something very worrying about all this and I think you need to let her go.

I wouldn’t discuss or expect her to discuss her private medical history with you at all. She has been employed for less than two years, she is not fulfilling her contract, she sounds like a liability - just terminate her contract.

Don’t get into the ins and outs of her health. If she isn’t forthcoming you have no right to know.

I would give her notice and look for another nanny. Why waste time on this, she isn't going to get better, only worse. And I don't mean in terms of her illness, just purely on the fact that she is not a good fit for your family.

(All other things considered, I wouldn't want to be paying somebody who has caused my son to feel disliked by how she treats him.)

I wouldn't be confident leaving my children with someone who may be prone to dizziness and falling.

This is a no-brainer. She needs to go. She's not fulfilling the terms of the contract.

It sounds like it’s possibly labyrinthitis. I get reoccurring bouts of this. When it’s really bad, DH needs to take a day off to look after DS as I can’t function.

It’s such a shame for her, but I really think you need to give her notice and find a new nanny. Sorry

Please be very careful to check if she has a disability. I think that it would be a good idea to get some legal or HR advice about this. The penalties are quite draconian if you fall foul of the law in your dealings with someone with a protected characteristic. It might be an idea to ask the nanny if she would see an occupational health nurse, and get areport done before you proceed.

@ hellojason - you are right, it does sound like she is refusing to her job as per her contract, the problem is that this is not how it started. It sort of all started to escalate shortly after the two week Christmas break,. One by one, she started to do less and less until I got to the point where I thought this has gone on too far. While waiting for the test results, I thought to myself that I will cut her some slack but then it is now two months and I realised that she is not really fulfilling what is on her contract. I have to start writing a PhD proposal soon and I have not had a minute to sit down to think about it as I am worried sick and stressed out about this situation... I do want to be civil to her but I just don't feel that I can carry on doing this...

higgyhog, the nanny hasn't dissolved a disability so OP has no liability. And reasonable adjustments would not be applied to care of a child, because limiting interactions or risking a child's welfare is not a "reasonable adjustment".

*disclosed

I know lots of childminders in their 50s & 60s, age in itself isn't a problem.

However, if she isn't able to do her job and you don't feel confident leaving your baby with her, then you need to find someone else.

It's not working, you need to find a new nanny.

She isn't doing her job, her job that is stated in her contract. Forget the illness and her age.

She isn't holding up her - look for a new nanny.

It’s nothing to do with her illness.

She’s not doing anything you have asked her to do.
She doesn’t take the baby out
She’s not cooking for your son
She’s not doing chores

What’s the actual point of her?

And this is nothing to do with her age.

It doesn't sound like it's a matter of either her medical condition or her age, but that she's not fulfilling her contracted duties. I can't see fitness to work coming into it, unless she chooses to use that to explain the non-fulfilment of contract.

Does the contract clearly establish her duties?
What terms do you have in the contract about ending the contract?

Asking to be paid extra for cooking away from your house, is not because of an illness.

Sitting around doing fuck all while baby naps is not because of the illness.

Not staying at the pool and taking your baby elsewhere and inconveniencing you is not because of the illness.

Keeping them in all the time would ring alarm bells for me.

I would imagine there is no impact of equalities legislation on hiring nannies, however if it IS Menaires (big IF), then it is classed as a disability and a formal employer would be required to look at reasonable adjustments before simply terminating employment.

OP if you really want to make sure you are doing right by the Nanny, then a sit down discussion of whether or not the job can be adapted in ways to make it possible for the Nanny to perform it would be a good way to go.

TBH if she won't take the baby out of the house then I don't see any possible way she can fulfil the role in a reasonable fashion, but at least you would have done everything possible from your side before sacking her.