To not automatically buy my 17-yr-old driving lessons and a car?

[Dairyqueen2]

... because he seems to think I am! Tbh, an awful lot of his friends seem to have automatically 'qualified' for a car as soon as they hit 17. Have times changed?? When I was in 6th form there were maybe 2 or 3 kids who came by car, but now I feel like it's almost the norm. We can't afford to run a third car, btw, so it's a non- starter anyway! We do live in a rural area, but not a particularly wealthy one ...

Not unreasonable at all given the ridiculous insurance costs on top of the car. Loads of our DCs friends had cars bought for them as soon as they passed their test, and despite being able to afford it, we thought it was a total waste of money. Their sixth form was a ten minute walk away so they'd have hardly used a car anyway, so they just got insured on mine and borrowed it as and when. We bought the eldest a car when he went on work placement from uni, as there was no public transport, and we will do the same for DC2.

I have 4 children. I have paid for lessons for eldest to help with future careers but not buying a car for 4 children! They can aim for that - it will give them motivation. If I had one child I would do the same. If you are giving everything you develop no drive.

No, but to get to those jobs, you have to work in the low-paying ones first. And it's next to impossible to fork out £200 a month for weekly driving lessons when you earn minimum wage unless you still live at home or live in a very cheap area.

I get that, and I think we probably actually agree on more points than we disagree! However I think my point still stands - of a parent's 3k budget (say), I'd still say money for driving lessons, then the remainder set aside to support a child's accommodation whilst they take on that first job is a better bet.

I do know about jobs and rural areas though - I judge hard that my parents actively restricted my learning to drive. We lived six miles from the nearest village and any job I could have, and wouldn't pay for lessons let alone a car. Without access to jobs, I was unable to fund it myself. They did drive me to interviews once I'd left university - so I funded those driving lessons once I passed and had a job.

(My oldest siblings were allowed to learn and even had a shared car, but I was the youngest and my parents became progressively more strict in reaction to the trivial transgressions of my elders )

That was an accident pun - I meant psychological drive!

DS worked from 15 and saved to pay for 30 lessons in one go. He paid for his own tests and passed first time after 28 lessons. I did buy him his first car but only because I was so proud that he'd been so determined to pass. He pays his insurance himself.

My parents gave me the money for my first 10 lessons. After that it was up to me to fund them.

As for a car, my dad would have laughed if I'd asked for any help with that! He said if we wanted a car, then we had to buy it, keep it in working order and finance it ourselves.

My parents bought me a car when i went to Uni way back in the dark ages. It paid off because I offered a lift home to a fellow student I fancied and we celebrated out 40th wedding anniversary last year!

PhilomenaButterfly

Boo to your DF

My parents would never have been able to have afford lessons, never mind a car and all that goes with it. I didn’t learn to do it until I was in my thirties and I wish I had done so much earlier as it would have made my life a lot easier. My kids are young but I do have savings accounts for them which they can access at 18 so I’m hoping that’s what they will use it for. The local sixth formers all seem to have cars though, and new ones at that. Barely any of their cars are over 3 years old, it really surprises me. And we don’t live in a rural area.

I know i have a bit of a downer on 17 year olds driving but i was 21 before i got behind the wheel. I had a job where thery wanted me to go out and needed to drive so i was told to just get some L plates and tag along with some of the field service men and they'd tell you what you want to know so a collection of "teachers" of varying skills and not one driving lession paid for! Passed First time in believe it or not a Ford Zodiac estate car, 3 bloody litre engine in that!.

DD1 could fly before she drove used to go flying and she'd tag along the instructers occasionaly used to take her up and let her handle the aircraft she was soon competently controlling that, only problem was a seat cushion was needed the 1930 designed Tiger Moth wasnt intended to be flown by 10 year old girls!

She was in the front seat him in the back!

Course no fear at that age is there?, managed to handle the old Range rover there too course very large grass airfield not much traffic apart from aircraft landing!.

I paid for all of ds’s driving lessons. He is now in university, commutes each day by train and does not have a car. We worked out that the running cost of a car would be twice the amount of that he pays to go by train. He/we could not afford to do both. He works part time, whilst doing a full time degree, and has a student loan, but still the figures did not match up. So he is saving for a car, and will buy one, and pay the insurance/Tax/MOT himself when the time comes.

Yes, I would. I think the younger they start the better. Can't he just start out by driving you to the shops etc? Or he drives to school and you drive home? Little and often I say!

I actually think that if you can pay for lessons for your DC, you should. Perhaps not a car, though.
Being able to drive is necessary for a lot of jobs etc., and I think it could disadvantage your DC if they can't drive.
We have been paying for DC for about a year now- and yes, it is very expensive, and no, we won't be going on holiday this year.
But that's being a parent innit?

I matched my two boys, for every lesson they paid for I paid for one too. The oldest bought himself a car when he was 18 but no parking at uni means it's at home. My 17yr old passed his test a few weeks ago and is currently driving his brothers car as a named driver. In sept the older one will take the car back to his new shared house and the younger one cannot have a car at the uni he is going to.

They are (lucky?) that their grandma died leaving them a small amount of money which covers the insurance, but they both work part time and pay for the repairs and fuel themselves.

I didn't have driving lessons until I was nearly 30 as I didn't need to drive anywhere.

My parents paid for my lessons and first car. We’re actually estranged now, but it’s one thing I’m genuinely daily grateful to them for. It’s was, and still is, fairly common where I grew up (the lessons especially). It’s less common where I am now, but ds1 turns 17 soon and I’m giving him a block of lessons. I think my ex may do the same, and he also has some savings towards a car.

I think if you can’t afford it then it is what it is, but if you can then it’s an amazing lifelong gift to give your kids.

DS had lessons for his 17th birthday. I have a large (ish) family and they were all very generous.

I bought him a car once he passed his test - it's nothing fancy just a basic model a few years old. My DP's helped with the first years insurance which was horribly expensive. As he had a black box fitted and is a careful driver it has more than halved on renewal this year.

Practically all of his cohort in 6th Form had a car. He hasn't taken it to university with him this year as the halls charges for parking are ridiculous and there is nowhere to park on the campus, but might in his 2nd year as there is a car park at the house he will be moving into.

I took my test at 17 but had to pay for my own lessons out of my Saturday job wages. I didn't get my first car until I was 27.

If you can, it’s not a bad idea.

1. It’s much easier to learn when they’re young, therefore cheaper.
2. It might be useful/necessary when they start work
3. How happy are you for your DS to be the passenger of a newly qualified driver? Because that’s the likely alternative.
4. You can work it to your advantage - airport runs, nights out when you want to be able to have a drink. Very useful to have another driver on call.

But in the end it’s up to you, it’s a significant outlay and should be appreciated as such.

I'm an oldie on here and my 4 'children' are in their 50s now.
They all took their driving test at age 17 and passed, apart from one who got through a couple of years later. Compared with me who got through third time!
We didn't buy them cars, just allowed them to drive ours.

We will be buying a car for DS(16) very soon. We wouldn’t have, but DH and I both have automatic cars and DH is adamant DS needs to learn in a manual (I would have had him just get an automatic license and borrow my car but hey ho) so he’s going to buy him a cheap little manual. We’ll pay for lessons and insurance as well. I’ll just be glad when he can drive himself places!

dg paid for lessons for us.and the only reason I think we got use of a car was because our parents kept the old banger on for just this reason.it wasn't ours but we could be insured upon it to share.at one point within three.and then my brother later got the option to buy it off them.but we were never expecting the car and was stunned when my friends were gifted them.
I would never be so ungrateful though.what is wrong with kids.
yes yes we probably felt all kevin and perry "oh its so unfair!" but woosh that was then gone because we repsected and loved our parents enough to know they did what they bloody could wen they could.

My parents bought me a car - was only 2 years old but only a 1.1 litre - for my 17th birthday. They paid for my lessons and the car but I had to pay insurance (which I couldn’t afford so they ended up paying it as a gift also for the first few months until I could). The expectations from them were that they would pay the finance until I finished college and got a job to cover the costs. i had to pay the running costs though (MOT, fuel etc.) They did the same for my siblings. Having my own car and driving at 17 was the best thing my parents did for me as it gave me the confidence to drive as well as I do. I’ve been driving for almost 11 years and have not had an accident which was my fault. My mum often comments to me and my sister about how confident we are at driving and how we have no problem driving anywhere; something she cannot do regardless of also passing her test at 17 as she had no car then met my dad and he liked to drive everywhere so she was happy as a passenger.
In my area some of us got cars, some didn’t. I was just insanely lucky to have such generous and encouraging parents.

I should add they bought us lessons and cars to ensure we were safe at night nd also to give us the confidence to drive which we all do now.

Can't he pay for them with a part time job? When I was turning 17 I told my parents I'd saved a bit to pay for some driving lessons, and when they heard how expensive they were they offered to buy me a few more as a birthday and Xmas present. This meant I really appreciated them. I never expected them to do this.

I agree with others that if it's expected then it's a no - I think that comes under spoiling him. Let him work to pay for them, see how expensive they are and then he will really appreciate them and perhaps you could top them up as a birthday gift once he's proven he's commited.

We live rurally and paying for driving lessons is one of the things that we accepted as we had chosen to live in a village with very limited public transport.

However we were not going to buy a car for the dcs and I was shocked by how many people did.

Then ds1 passed his test and I went to insure him on my basic 1.3 litre hatchback. The cheapest insurance I could get for him was £1700 for the first year. However, if he had his own car that dropped to £850 a year. Bus pass to sixth form was £500 per year. And we would have to go through all this with ds2 2 years later.

After doing all the maths it became apparent that buying a car for around £2k and insuring it in ds1s name and then for ds2 when his turn came was cheaper in the long run than insuring them on mine and paying the bus passes for sixth form.

We honestly never thought that we would be a 3 car family but it was cheaper for us.

Incidentally, to those saying teenagers ought to get a part time job and pay for it themselves, that can be quite hard when you live rurally and cant get anywhere without relying on parents.

I can see why it’s a necessity if you live in a very rural area and can afford it, of course. Public transport should be vastly improved but that’s another matter!

However, it wouldn’t have mattered if my parents bought me a car, because I’m incapable of passing a driving test - failed 5 times since I started trying at 17. My parents couldn’t afford to keep funding my attempts and neither could I when I got my first, low paid job. I do wonder what happens to teenagers in rural areas who just can’t pass no matter how hard they try, everyone just seems to take it as read they’ll pass when conversations like this come up