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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not automatically buy my 17-yr-old driving lessons and a car?

268 replies

Dairyqueen2 · 06/03/2019 23:12

... because he seems to think I am! Tbh, an awful lot of his friends seem to have automatically 'qualified' for a car as soon as they hit 17. Have times changed?? When I was in 6th form there were maybe 2 or 3 kids who came by car, but now I feel like it's almost the norm. We can't afford to run a third car, btw, so it's a non- starter anyway! We do live in a rural area, but not a particularly wealthy one ...

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 07/03/2019 08:51

We paid for both of ours to learn to drive. In our families we've always seen driving as a life skill so it was never a question of not doing it. We insured them on our second car when they were learning, they both had part time jobs so bought their own cars when they passed. We paid for their first year of insurance and their fuel to get to college because it was a similar amount to their bus passes.

We live in a very rural area, DH is the Forces and I'm disabled and very often unable to drive so it was very important that they both could drive so our circumstances are a bit different.

EcclesThePeacock · 07/03/2019 08:54

What pertained when we were 17 isn't really relevant to what's normal now. It's surprising that the numbers of 17-20 yr olds who learn to drive has dropped, but that's what's happened. Maybe it's related to more being in school rather than out earning?

JaceLancs · 07/03/2019 09:00

Essential to have a car where we live
I also think learning to drive young is a good life skill and has helped both my DC with better education and employment opportunities
That said both DC worked part time and payed for own driving lessons both passed at 17
I drive a big car myself and was not viable to put them on my car insurance
In terms of buying first car ex DH agreed to match whatever they saved pound for pound which worked well
I paid half of first years insurance each and the remainder they paid me back monthly - once they started earning no claims n got slightly older they could afford their own insurance
DP helps with repairs and car maintenance

PiggyPlumPie · 07/03/2019 09:03

We paid for driving lessons for DD1 and DS. Both passed within a year of each other. DD is away at uni so just insured herself on my car when she was home for the first year.

DD goes to college 30 miles away. Public transport meant us taking him to the next town ten miles away to get a bus and then collecting him.

We bought him a £500 car and insured both of them on it for just under £1000. DS pays all running costs and DD chips in when she's home.

Not sure what will happen going forward as DS is planning on going to uni later this year.

luckylavender · 07/03/2019 09:04

If you live in a rural area - how will he manage?

Weenurse · 07/03/2019 09:05

We gave them a block of lessons for their 16 Th birthday.
They did get $5000 in inheritance from a great uncle so bought their elderly cars with this contribution. They paid for their own rego and insurance.
We made sure they drove everywhere once they got their learners permit. They need to do 120 hours supervised here to get a license.

gubbsywubbsy · 07/03/2019 09:08

My parents bought me lessons and a car when I was 17 and I'll do the same for my dd ..IMO you are a better ( read safer ) driver the earlier you start . We can afford it so I don't see a problem.. my dd isn't grabby and won't expect it though.

mrsk28 · 07/03/2019 09:13

My parents bought a car for myself and my brother to share when I turned 17 and I plan on doing the same for my children in the future.

I think learning to drive when you're young is great, we both had full licenses within a year and it gave us independence. I've watched friends struggle or put off learning how to drive in their 20's/30's.

However if you can't afford it then YANBU at all. I would think about getting him lessons though as his birthday gift, either at 17 or 18. And if he wants to get a part time job to save for a car or pay for insurance on your/DH's car then I think that's a fair compromise.

EcclesThePeacock · 07/03/2019 09:19

IMO you are a better ( read safer ) driver the earlier you start

You're more likely to get a conviction for dangerous or careless driving.
These figures are out of date re when people pass their test, but the risk profile may well still hold. Although the 'black box' systems and eyewateringly high insurance may have made some difference, I don't know if there's any newer data.

www.which.co.uk/news/2008/04/best-age-to-pass-driving-test-is-25-137199/

irunlikeahipoo · 07/03/2019 09:20

What we did for my DS and 2 DSS was to let them have two lessons a week each but they paid for one and we paid for one
When they took their test they pair for it but we said if you pass we will give them the money back. If you fail then they had to pay for it 😂

My two DSS both got a car after they passed and both were given £500 towards it
My DS got a car at 20 as he didn’t need one and we live centrally so lots of good transport available but I had taken out a insurance policy that paid out £around £5000 so when he was 18 he got a £1000 to piss about with and the rest was put back to get him a car when he was!20

sugartitz · 07/03/2019 09:20

My parents didn't do it with us. We had to pay for our own lessons, which meant I had to wait until I was 20 and earning some money from a part time job while at uni. They did give me my first car but I was a £500 car that my dad has already bought as a spare when his main car was off the road

JRMisOdious · 07/03/2019 09:23

No, you are most certainly not BU. That’s what part-time jobs in sixth form/uni are for. Most people have always worked through uni. This is the age where youngsters really need to start developing autonomy and independence.

ErickBroch · 07/03/2019 09:25

I am 24. Got 10 hours of lessons for my bday and that was it and I massively appreciated them! I couldn't afford to carry it on through Uni so passed when I was 22 and bought a car myself then.

It is a shame they are expecting that from you - wonder if they would be happy with some lessons and when they pass to be insured to use one of the current cars!

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 07/03/2019 09:27

I was given driving lessons for my 18th, i bought my own car

We will be paying for all of the childrens driving lessons, we gave ds1 a car and pay for insurance, maintenance and contribute to petrol though he pays for the bulk of it

Dd is learning to drive and we have bought her a car to practice in, she hopes to go to london when she finishes college so ds2 will inherit the car and its pointless her having one...they will share it

Dd did say that all of her friends have new white minis...she folded after questioning, though i think about half of her friends have a car

They do appreciate they are 'lucky'

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 07/03/2019 09:28

He pays for the bulk of the petrol i mean

Or i think he does, its hard to tell as he doesn't live here

needthisthread · 07/03/2019 09:29

Not sure an 11 year old link holds to much at all tbh.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 07/03/2019 09:29

YANBU!!!!

ChicCroissant · 07/03/2019 09:31

This is timely, because one of my neighbours has just bought their child a car and they haven't passed their test yet! I did think it was setting a precedent for the road.

YANBU OP. There will always be people with more than you, it's a hard lesson to learn and can feel especially unjust when you are a teenager but that's the way it is.

I would have said no myself, but DD's school is not on a bus route and although there is a bus company that runs a (privately, paid-for seperately) bus to it, it's not cheap! A car would be seriously tempting and I have seen spaces in the school marked 6th form!

DontCallMeCharlotte · 07/03/2019 09:36

I didn't learn until I was 35. I lived and worked in London, I really didn't need to. I'm the youngest of five and there's no way our parents could have afforded to pay for any of us to learn to drive so we all paid for ourselves over the years.

However, in your case, if you're living rurally (and I did for a decade and would have been lost without a car) and public transport is lacking, then I think maybe getting him through his test at least would be sensible.

Also, our then county funded mopeds for kids who were stuck off the beaten track. Is that something worth looking into where you are?

I live in town now in "one of those roads" where parking is a nightmare. Every effing 17 year old then adds to the problem. I wouldn't mind but we live in a TFL zone and can't move for public transport!

0MrsP · 07/03/2019 09:37

Well be paying for lessons and buying a car for all 4 of ours.. I have stepkids, I opened a savings account for them and have been saving up for the last 5 years.
Haven't got an account for my little one yet but will as soon as the eldest SS turns 17 next year.
The savings are for cars and lessons, any unspent Christmas and birthday money they ask to put in there too as they know it's for a car when they're older.
I think it's a hugely important skill to learn and don't see how they could do it without our help.
My parents paid for my lessons and first car.. same as with my kids I knew mum saved and added to it as and when I had money.
My mum saves for them all too so she says she'll pay for their first years insurance.

ShatnersWig · 07/03/2019 09:39

Well be paying for lessons and buying a car for all 4 of ours

All electric cars, I hope....

SinkGirl · 07/03/2019 09:42

I’m 36 and can’t drive - my mum paid for 20 hours for my 18th. I was extremely anxious and didn’t continue. I went to uni and didn’t need to drive, then moved home and could only get a minimum wage job for a while. Once I got a better job I lived in flats with no parking so couldn’t have had a car, then I moved to London so didn’t need a car.

We don’t live in London anymore and I really need to learn - DH only got his licence when I was pregnant. It’s so hard having twins and not being able to drive.

If my twins are able to learn to drive I will try to pay for lessons as I really regret not being able to drive at this age and it’s such a valuable skill. Doubt they’ll be getting a car though!

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/03/2019 09:42

My DB was bought driving lessons and a car, I wasn't. I'm resentful now, because I don't think my DF has ever seen me as an adult.

thecatsthecats · 07/03/2019 10:04

Hmm Don't see how they could do it without you?!?!

I spent around £1000 learning to drive at age 22, which probably equates to modern costs because I took more lessons (had a bad run of luck with instructors so had to take more lessons, but passed first time).

Help would have been great, sure, but it's not an insurmountable expense for many!

I plan to contribute to lessons, and would maybe have a car that teens could share (depends on our living situation), but there are more important things for them to do and have at that age - an investment in their education and help with property expenses for example, so they can buy their own car when they need one!

DontCallMeCharlotte · 07/03/2019 10:09

My DB was bought driving lessons and a car, I wasn't. I'm resentful now, because I don't think my DF has ever seen me as an adult.

Did you ask for lessons? Or what reason did your DF give for not giving you lessons?

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