...to feel this about cousin relationships?

[AliceAforethought]

I was chatting with an acquaintance yesterday (a fellow school mum) and she mentioned that a cousin of hers was married to their own first cousin (on the other side, not related to the school mum). I may have said an apparently not too interested “Oh really?” but inside I thought “Eww!”.
The school mum laughed and said “the children seem normal... so far!”

I know it’s legal, but I can’t help but have a feeling of unease/ distaste about cousin relationships. AIBU to feel this? I read some time ago that the risks to any resultant children are not great, but then more recently that it was greater than previously thought.
The school mum clearly felt there was something a bit off about it, too!

Am fully prepared to be told IABU, but wondered if others felt like this? Sleeping with a cousin just seems to have a bit of an ick factor to me!

I'm sure a lot of Pakistani people are disgusted and think 'ewwww' at drunk people getting off their tits on alcohol, throwing up in the streets, costing the NHS millions in taking care of drunken injuries and shagging one night stands but I don't see them posting sneery threads about it

Drunk people and one-night stand shaggers are disgusting and people should be all sneery about it in threads one MN as I imagine they are in private.

My BIL once had a fling with his second cousin. He’s never lived it down! I suppose the ‘ick’ factor depends on how close the family is. My first cousins (14 of them) are mainly female but of the few males, I see them more as brothers and could definitely not fancy them, let alone anything else.

It used to be very common in tight knit communities, where few outsiders moved in. The village my grandparents lived in mostly consisted of people with one of two surnames, who all married amongst each other. They were all cousins in some shape or form.

It is something that instinctively makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. But if I told you who my first cousin is, I think I could be pretty confident that almost every MNer would agree that marrying him would be repellent. So, my revulsion may just be a personal thing.

Bananas, is Jacob Rees-Mogg your cousin? Accept my condolences.

But you've opened up the gates to let people post offensive crap, OP.

Well done.

The school mum laughed and said “the children seem normal... so far!”

Hilarious OP.

SeaweedDress you are thinking on the right lines, yes. And I am not going to be drawn any further, or answer any more guesses! Haven't seen the person in question for over 15 years. Can't say I have missed them!

My psychic powers are strong tonight. I will ask no more, Bananas.

I think this thread has become very weird. I don’t get the outrage. Marrying your first cousin is legal in the UK — it’s illegal in some US states, but so is abortion. The chances of a genetic abnormality are tiny from a one-off cousin marriage. No one is making you do it.

user1457017537 i hope you view with similar disdain women over 40, women with pre existing health conditions, women at risk of breathing in second hand smoke, women who aren't the ideal weight daring to get pregnant. some scientists agree that the risk has been massively overstated and is not significantly more than in a 'normal' pregnancy. (See pp comment re sperm donor,ons, etc.)
also its not the ops fault she's clearly unwittingly triggered the release of deeply held views amongst some of you about specific groups of people. Wow.

Even if the chance only went from 1% up to 3% the risk for the parents would depend on how many dc they have. Not sure but 5dc and a 15% risk? So only say maybe 7 of these families to have a child affected. Whereas a 1% 5dc family is 5%? So 20 families like this.
Im confused about the older women and genetic issues as i thought it was mainly DS? If so the comment from the Pp where the kids were disabled seems strange as DS isnt generally genetic so they would be unlikely to both have it. And even at 42yo+ the risk isnt 100%. I do believe asd has links to older parents (both sides) and parents with age difference but it is also inherited. I would have thought at 35+ he would have been in the higher risk too.
Tbh it is strange behaviour because you should know a 42 yo mum is going to be at higher risk (disabilities, infertility etc)

But you've opened up the gates to let people post offensive crap, OP

People manage to be offensive on any type of thread. Of the 5 or so threads I’ve been posting on in the last day or two, I think this may be the only one that hasn’t had posts deleted.
Anyway, consider this an opportunity to educate those less enlightened than yourself.

The school mum laughed and said “the children seem normal... so far!”

Hilarious OP

But I wasn’t making a joke, just repeating - close to verbatim - what someone had said to me. I did this to show this persons attitude towards the issue.

Bananas
If it’s not JRM it’s got to be Boris!

No one is making you do it.

Sadly not the case with many cousin marriages in cultures where cousin marriage is frequent.

PanickAttack
Especially if, they’re only applying the science to things in other cultures and not their own.

I think you are making a mistake in assuming people here on MN are blindly attached to the Royal Family and willing to overlook any aspects of their lives or their past or the fact that they are all inbred.

While people may support the idea of a monarchy and may like and respect the Queen as a person, I suspect the vast majority are not impressed at the fact that marriage of cousins was commonplace in the family and related families for hundreds of years. (And the other European royal houses are no better).

Blablaa it must be so tiring getting offended by perceived sleights on behalf of whole communities and seeing racism where there is none. People like you use racism to shut down discussion. As has been explained on here, the risk is in the second and third generation so I have sound reason to hold the views and opinion I have. All the examples you give of women who smoke, are older etc may result in risk factors but do not cause profound disability normally. Stop making assumptions and judgements of people you know nothing about. It’s very narrow minded.

Taken slightly aback at a comment on here about muscular dystrophy
My youngest son has been diagnosed with this recently and i assure you i did not shag my cousin.
It is however one of the questions we got asked at our genetics counselling.....is there any chance you and your husband could be related.....ew. no.
Genetics testing came back that my sons genetic mutation was spontaneous and nothing to do with any of us. Bad luck of the draw

www.bbc.com/news/stories-46558932
This was a recent BBC article (2018) on genetics and cousin marriage.

A heartbroken couple buried three babies. They also went through six miscarriages.

Yep, I’m in the yuck camp too based on a former colleague with two seriously disabled kids who married his cousin. They were even warned of the very high risk of problems with a second child if they had another, ignored it.

It's gross to me, but then ALL of us cousins in my family are like siblings, so, it would feel like incest. Vom.

Don't know why it capitalised all..

It's illegal in my state (Ohio). Interesting. Part of Ohio is considered Appalachia, I wonder if that has something to do with it.

it’s illegal in some US states, but so is abortion.

No. Abortion is legal in all 50 states.

Perhaps in those situations the “nature” has been pushed back and suppressed by the strong influence of culture/nurture?

But in the countries I'm familiar with there is no strong influence with regards to marrying a cousin. It's something that people can do if they want but it's not particularly emphasised or insisted on. Most people marry non-cousins (afaik).
Having read this thread, I think what is going on here is that the aversion people feel towards sibling marriage becomes transferred in some cases to cousins. At some point people put their cousins into the same mental category as their siblings with regards to physical attraction, either because they become aware of a cultural taboo in their community, or because they have spent a lot of time together as children.

there are places where killing is less frowned on and forms part of a justice system, whether official or not.

It's not that killing is less frowned on in general, it's that a strong distinction is drawn between unlawful killing (murder) and lawful killing (such as execution ordered by a judge, killing in war).
Neither is it the case that UK society emphasises all killing being wrong, otherwise we wouldn't see army recruitment stalls in most town centres.

Forgot to add that in some cases this happens even with people who are totally unrelated, for example close family friends who have spent a lot of time together as children.
In films, TV and songs you often hear people letting someone down gently by saying, for example 'But you're like a brother to me' i.e. there's a closeness that precludes physical attraction.

By the way, the sons of Adam did marry his daughters, out of necessity. So obviously they did not feel aversion to that at the time. So perhaps the aversion felt nowadays towards sibling marriage is because that has not been permitted for a long time.

The school mum laughed and said “the children seem normal... so far!”

What a charmer. Its rather be friends with the married cousins than someone who categories children as abnormal because of potential genetic wonkiness.