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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to feel this about cousin relationships?

300 replies

AliceAforethought · 04/03/2019 23:40

I was chatting with an acquaintance yesterday (a fellow school mum) and she mentioned that a cousin of hers was married to their own first cousin (on the other side, not related to the school mum). I may have said an apparently not too interested “Oh really?” but inside I thought “Eww!”.
The school mum laughed and said “the children seem normal... so far!”

I know it’s legal, but I can’t help but have a feeling of unease/ distaste about cousin relationships. AIBU to feel this? I read some time ago that the risks to any resultant children are not great, but then more recently that it was greater than previously thought.
The school mum clearly felt there was something a bit off about it, too!

Am fully prepared to be told IABU, but wondered if others felt like this? Sleeping with a cousin just seems to have a bit of an ick factor to me!

OP posts:
YogaWannabe · 04/03/2019 23:46

I’m not close to any of my cousins, wouldn’t know them if they passed me on the street! So I don’t really have that inbuilt ick factor.
I kind of think if people are happy and not harming anyone or potentially risking future babies, let them at it!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 04/03/2019 23:54

YANBU all kinds of gross.

zsazsajuju · 04/03/2019 23:56

I agree re ick. A friend of mine is marrying her first cousin, I just think it’s so weird.

Original poster
AliceAforethought · 04/03/2019 23:57

I don’t even have 1st cousins myself! I do have 2nd cousins, though, similar ages to me and my brother (both male). They had the same surname as us; our dads were 1st cousins and their dads (our grandads) were brothers, and were together a lot. Some people said there was a family resemblance.
Wouldn’t ever feel right about getting together with one of them, and first cousins are even more closely related!

OP posts:
greendale17 · 04/03/2019 23:58

Urgh it is disgusting

BartonHollow · 05/03/2019 00:00

Growing up I knew the child of first cousins

We all found it so odd that her parents were also her cousins

She was an intelligent girl, but "off" somehow, quiet, struggled with social skills

This was 80s/90s and she would probably be classed as Aspergers today, her best friend also.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/03/2019 00:01

I mean....you would save a fortune on the wedding guest list. But it may get a bit awkward when asked who's side you belong to.

Original poster
AliceAforethought · 05/03/2019 00:05

Glad I’m not the only one. I was feeling a bit guilty and judgemental!

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 05/03/2019 00:07

I've never really understood the objection to cousins marrying but that could possibly be because, like YogaWannabe I never knew any of my cousins so the ick factor might have passed me by.

Having said that, I had a friend when I was a child and her mother's sister was married to her father's brother.

I struck me when I was in my teens that her cousins had a particularly close blood relationship to her and if she had married one of her cousins it would have been almost like marrying her own brother.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 05/03/2019 00:08

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BejamNostalgia · 05/03/2019 00:09

I don’t have a problem with it regarding the morality of the relationship and sex. It’s none of my business. But I do think we need to change the laws surrounding it for the sake of children’s health, eg DNA tests before marriage to make sure nothing dangerous is lurking.

And first cousin marriages in the second generation (so their parents or even grandparents were first cousins) should be banned outright.

AliceAforethought · 05/03/2019 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quoted a deleted post.

pallisers · 05/03/2019 00:12

there is quite a social taboo about it. The only couple I knew who were married first cousins - they eloped and didn't tell their parents for a while. The parents deeply disapproved. Didn't help that the woman was called the female version of her FIL's name - she was named after her uncle.

Marrying within close consinguity is never good. Look at the hapspergs. The international office of the hospital where dh worked in the US was supported by saudi families attending because of genetic conditions the result of multi generation cousin marriages.

wildbhoysmama · 05/03/2019 00:17

God, so judgemental on here. My sister married my first cousin: our mum and his mum were sisters. They did live 500 miles apart but we saw them loads ( holidays, Christmas) but they just fell in love.

They have 3 fabulous children now grown up. Don't judge when people are happy.

And we don't live in Norfolk- a large city.

BringYourUtmost · 05/03/2019 00:17

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HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 05/03/2019 00:19

There are cities in Norfolk!

FurrySlipperBoots · 05/03/2019 00:19

I think it's sick!! There's a Sophie Kinsella book where first cousins are married and have children and it's meant to be all fine and happy. Just wrong.

pallisers · 05/03/2019 00:23

God, so judgemental on here.

No judgement. But science is real. the reality is that when cousins marry - and particularly when this is encouraged in multiple generations, the chances of recessive diseases and conditions occuring are way higher. Real children suffer because of this. This is why there is a social taboo against it. Often that social taboo fights hard against a social imperative to keep property/assets within the same family.

Obviously none of this applies to your sister. She was lucky.

MustShowDH · 05/03/2019 00:24

you would save a fortune on the wedding guest list. But it may get a bit awkward when asked who's side you belong to.

My DH's family are of Indian origin, so weddings are big affairs with 2nd/3rd cousins and multiple 'aunts' and 'uncles' invited. It's not unusual for guests to have connections, albeit loose, on both sides. I find the whole thing bizarre!

cousin1 · 05/03/2019 00:28

My parents are first cousins...their mothers were sisters. My sibling and I have no medical issues.

Antonin · 05/03/2019 00:29

There have been programmes on the BBC regarding the problems caused by multi generation cousin marriages within the Pakistani community . The rate of congenital abnormalities is very high — some families having many, sometimes all, children with severe disabilities.. Doctors and members of their own community have been threatened when they have attempted to publicise the reason and to discourage cousin marriage. Some children, of course, are perfectly fine but it’s like playing genetic Russian roulette with the losers not just being the heartbroken parents but their babies who don’t ask to be born

AornisHades · 05/03/2019 00:30

My friend is married to her first cousin. They lived on different continents and their dc don't have known genetic problems. I can't imagine marrying one of my cousins but the whole British aristocracy is built on that sort of thing.

PanickAttack · 05/03/2019 00:31

I think it’s none of your business :)

Married to my second cousin once removed.

So is the queen of England.

Mind your own business

PanickAttack · 05/03/2019 00:33

It is fine to state the generic risks but not your business’s to be all ewwing about it.

Unless you have the same reaction when you look at the queen and her husband.

PanickAttack · 05/03/2019 00:34

And first cousin marriages in the second generation (so their parents or even grandparents were first cousins) should be banned outright.

That’s me right here Smile, my child is illigetimate lol. Our parents were first cousins.

If you ban that then the queen needs to get a divorce.

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