...to feel this about cousin relationships?

[AliceAforethought]

I was chatting with an acquaintance yesterday (a fellow school mum) and she mentioned that a cousin of hers was married to their own first cousin (on the other side, not related to the school mum). I may have said an apparently not too interested “Oh really?” but inside I thought “Eww!”.
The school mum laughed and said “the children seem normal... so far!”

I know it’s legal, but I can’t help but have a feeling of unease/ distaste about cousin relationships. AIBU to feel this? I read some time ago that the risks to any resultant children are not great, but then more recently that it was greater than previously thought.
The school mum clearly felt there was something a bit off about it, too!

Am fully prepared to be told IABU, but wondered if others felt like this? Sleeping with a cousin just seems to have a bit of an ick factor to me!

My family tree shows up several pairs of first cousins who married. (And they were from Norfolk if you can believe that)

I think in times gone by when communities were smaller and there was less travelling and resettling, it would have been relatively uncommon. We probably all have cousins married to cousins in our family trees.

I don't know how this can be legal.

We grew up with our cousin's being likw siblings. I know not everyone does but still.

It doesn't disgust me-each to their own, I say.

And no, I'm not married to a cousin, nor do I know anyone who is.

Has there been a case where half siblings have inadvertently been in a relationship/married or have I made that up?

I agree it is disgusting. There are 7 billion people in the world. Stop shagging your family members. YANBU.

There's a reason why people in the Pakistani community often have children with disabilities.

My uncle is married to his first cousin, We didn’t even bat an eyelid when they did - it’s not like they’re siblings. Keep out of other people’s business maybe - and keep your judgements to yourself before you offend someone.

I know of more than one married set of cousins. But then again I am in Norfolk

I am slightly shocked tbh. I always assumed it was illegal to marry your first cousin but a quick google shows it's not. As some others have said i grew up with many of my cousins they are like siblings particularly the ones that are kids of my mums sister. The thought of marrying them disturbs me. It may not be illegal but I definitely do not think it should be encouraged just too close to home

BejamNostalgia Your description of the genetics is not quite right. We do inherit two copies of every gene, one from each parent but there is not necessarily one dominant and one recessive. You can inherit two health copies, one healthy and one unhealthy or two unhealthy. Sometimes one healthy gene is sufficient to fully protect against a disease state, for some genetic disorders one healthy gene is not sufficient and results in mild symptoms.

Plus for boys there are some genes on the X chromosome they only get one copy of (because the Y chromosome is shorter) which is why there are some genetic disorders that are more common in men (the two most famous being haemophilia and colour blindness). A woman who carries those mutated genes all her sons will have those diseases (no copy from their father) but her daughters will be carriers unless their father has that genetic disorder himself, then they too will have the disease. In that case the father will know there's a risk before having children of course.

If there's a lot of inbreeding in a small community (and lets not forget pre-industrial revolution we all lived in small communities) then there can be an increase in some genetic conditions at a population level and that can be seen in some of the more isolated communities in Britain even today. But it really shouldn't be a 'eww' reaction to a one-off of cousins marrying each other and there's only a small increase in the chance of a genetic disorder (about double that of unrelated individuals having children). And not all of those are life threatening or shortening.

I suspect that these days there are many people who are married to half-siblings.

Cousins is NOTHING in comparison.

just look at the royal family, not just queen and philip

i do have friends who are married cousins,
the kids seem ok.
i thought it must be wrong
i still feel uncomfortable about it tbh.

Victoria and Albert were cousins.

I suspect that these days there are many people who are married to half-siblings.

Why would you suspect this?

I imagine most people at some point in their family history have had cousins marrying as it was fairly normal.

Although it does make me feel slightly weird, it’s not really a problem unless it happens generation after generation. Therefore in some communities, there should be better education on the risks as it is causing severe problems.

The rational behind some prohibited relationships (e.g. step parents/step children, aunties/nephews) is the potential power imbalance/abuse of power rather than the risks of inbreeding.

@lljkk

There are many many many very rare blood groups that you do not want to have. Some blood groups are so rare that there might only be 1 other individual in the entire country that potentially could donate blood to you if you needed it, not particularly ideal of you urgently needed blood following a PPH for example. These blood groups are usually only found in consanginous families as they result from new recessive mutations which are not an issue in the first generation but are if they are compounded in the next. Many rare blood groups are only found in certain ethnic groups, especially if they are ones with a tendency to be more inbred.

It's also a very real issue for ethnic minorities (even if not inbred) in the UK to find compatible bone marrow donors or blood donors as they have such a small pool of people who could potentially donate, this is a massive issue for black African sickle cell sufferers as they genetically have very different blood groups to white Caucasians and finding compatible blood for them can be incredibly difficult. I know of an individual recently who only has 3 compatible units in the entire country that he could receive, not exactly an ideal situation to be in.

Many people with extremely rare blood groups are also much higher risk for haemolytic disease of the newborn due to their very rare blood groups because their foetus will almost certainly be incompatible with them.

There's much much more to human blood groups than ABO+/- that everyone thinks - people research and study these things for years, they're incredibly complicated.

It doesn't bother me. The genetics issue is unlikely to come up unless several generations of closely-related people procreate, and that's hugely unlikely in most British cultures.

More info on 1 in 1000 rare antigens

Isn't it more likely you share same or compatible blood type proteins if you are related, than if you are not related? Wouldn't that be a point in favour of having babies with a relative?

I can't imagine being attracted to my male cousins but I have always known them what not really close ,we always spent family time together,I wouldn't know my second or third cousins though if I fell over them, my child has a rare chromosome disorder it's de novo in his case but they can be inherited, he is unlikely to have children due to his dsabillities,however 'the range of how a person can be affected by it his huge ,it's when these disorders are passed on time and again that problems arise .

@SchadenfreudePersonified why would there be lots of people married to half siblings these days?

In current times people marry cousins to ensure the survival of minority communities and to unite families especially where immigration laws are hostile. kings and queens cemented alliances by marriage amongst family, and like other close family marriage it's alright as one off or infrequent practice. When queen Victoria's children intermarried with relations all over Europe it spread haemophilia and many children were affected. It's not so much that you avoid people with inherited traits by marrying strangers, we probably all have things which run in our family. It's that by reproducing the same genes in multiple generations without any others to balance them you risk inherited conditions being more common or even inevitable.

It is incestuous and should be illegal.

Cookit. Because of families breaking up or having multiple affairs, and not knowing who your half sibs are. For a certain age group sperm donors gave hundreds of donations anonymously, surrogacy, egg donation. Adoption for some. Apparently there is a bond between relations who don't know each other and may be taken for romantic love if they later meet unknowingly.
Ibergmot there is no reason you can't marry ex step relations, that is a bit ick.

My family have an interesting thing going on — I can think of four relatives who've married their cousins' cousins on the other side! So their a child of the mum's sibling marries a child of the father's sibling.

No blood relationship, but does get slightly confusing where that family sit at weddings!

It seems my flippant OP and glib use of “eww” and “ick” have annoyed some, and really not explained my feelings on this issue well.

her response to that single instance was ‘ewww’. That response doesn’t have any science basis, just a poorly-thought out ‘that’s gross’

My point was that the reaction isn’t thought out at all; it’s instant and instinctive. I’ll call it an aversion then, rather than “it’s gross” or ick or whatever.
But we all have this inbuilt aversion up to a point: We wouldn’t want a sexual relationship with a sibling, would we? Definitely not! Or a parent? Never. How about your parent’s sibling? Definitely not. So I’m confused about how a parent’s sibling’s child is suddenly absolutely fine and no issue for some. It’s not for me, I still have that aversion, and it remains for even more distant relations.

I was interested to know if others felt the same. There are theories as to why some feel like this; and whether it’s nature (the inbreeding avoidance hypothesis) or nurture (cultural incest taboo). Whatever the reason, it seems I’m not alone!