...to feel this about cousin relationships?

[AliceAforethought]

I was chatting with an acquaintance yesterday (a fellow school mum) and she mentioned that a cousin of hers was married to their own first cousin (on the other side, not related to the school mum). I may have said an apparently not too interested “Oh really?” but inside I thought “Eww!”.
The school mum laughed and said “the children seem normal... so far!”

I know it’s legal, but I can’t help but have a feeling of unease/ distaste about cousin relationships. AIBU to feel this? I read some time ago that the risks to any resultant children are not great, but then more recently that it was greater than previously thought.
The school mum clearly felt there was something a bit off about it, too!

Am fully prepared to be told IABU, but wondered if others felt like this? Sleeping with a cousin just seems to have a bit of an ick factor to me!

I thought it was illegal, or used to be illegal.

In certain cultures, yes it’s unlikely to be a one+off, math (though the UK Pakistani community, to take one example of endemic cousin-marriage, is now taking up pre-marriage genetic counselling in a much more serious way), and anyone can see the problems with that, but that’s not what the OP is about.

She just met someone who said her cousins were getting married, her response to that single instance was ‘ewww’. That response doesn’t have any science basis, just a poorly-thought out ‘that’s gross’ which seems to conflate cousins with siblings.

Remember that a man marrying his dead wife’s sister was illegal in the UK until 1907, and people had similar eww responses to people who did it abroad, and the offspring were reputed to be ‘tainted’ or seen as liable to have handicaps. On no genetic grounds, obviously.

We have married second cousins in our family. They had two kids, one died before their first birthday and one is severely disabled.

"in certain situations, there's a certain biological compatibility between couples, which seems good for the fate of future children"

abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/story?id=4258128&page=1

"Are you suggesting everyone should be “tested” before they are allowed to reproduce?"

Our biology teacher at school thought so. Not for eugencis, but just to be responsible. Certain combinations of blood groups can be dangerous, for example.

At the risk of sounding judgy, yanbu. It's gross in my opinion.
Each to their own and all that, but you are running a real risk of having kids with genetic mutations if you do this.

When we were teens, 2 of my 2nd cousins dated for a while. Their grandmothers were sisters. We were all totally grossed out by it.

To the previous poster who thinks it's fine because the queen of England has done it.... case in point. I don't need to say anything else! You've made the point for me better than I ever could!

"We have married second cousins in our family. They had two kids, one died before their first birthday and one is severely disabled."

Were their illnesses caused by being related?

Having previously worked with children with congenital abnormalities I have first hand experience that yes cousin marriage is a huge factor in a disproportionate amount of the children we looked after. I once spoke to a mother who had several disabled children from her cousin marriage. Her sister was married to her husbands brother (obviously also cousins) and they also had several disabled children/ children who had died in childhood.
It is legal in the UK but not in every country.
Aside from clear scientific evidence (although yes the genetic abnormalities are more likely from multi generational closely related reproduction) I don't think YABU, it's ick! And the ick factor is a known phenomenon in itself, it's the thing that stops siblings from forming intimate relationships. I know a number of cousins who have grown up in an almost sibling relationship.

"2 of my 2nd cousins dated for a while. Their grandmothers were sisters. We were all totally grossed out by it."

I wouldn't have a problem with this. The relationship between second cousins is not so close and as long as it doesn't keep being repeated in the same family, I don't see the huge issue.

"I once spoke to a mother who had several disabled children from her cousin marriage. "

Yes, but in her case I presume parents/grandparents/close ancestors had also been cousins so it's not just the ONE cousin marriage that caused the issues?

Darwin married to his first cousin as mentioned by a pp did not think it was a great idea and spent many years researching inbreeding.
Darwin was married to his first cousin, Emma Wedgwood. They had 10 children, but three died before age 10, two from infectious diseases. And three of the six surviving children with long-term marriages did not produce any offspring - a "suspicious" sign, researchers say, that these Darwins could have had reproductive problems because of their lineage.
Studies have shown that susceptibility to infectious disease and unexplained infertility are risk factors of consanguineous marriage - unions of people related by birth.

@Gwenhwyfar yes I assume there was many generations of close marriages in their case and in a lot of the other cases I saw.

My in laws are first cousins .... DH seems ok .... most of the time .

However he’s embarrassed by it and rarely tells people .... I couldn’t understand why .... until reading this!

I had a snog with a first cousin I hadn’t known growing up, when I was a teenager, didn’t go further than kissing and holding hands, but it did feel weird to me and I couldn’t develop a relationship in a romantic way, although we became friends. He - and our sister mothers - had no problem with it.

My cousins are married to each other and yes I'm in Norfolk!

Is it legal? Seems it is. I thought consanguinity prevented it being legal. Oh well , every day is a school day.

"the whole British aristocracy is built on that sort of thing."
I rest my case - have you seen most of them?

My daughter marrying my brothers son??

It feels like there are two different issues here: the genetics; and the family dynamics.
That's why it's relevant whether people have spent time with their cousins growing up etc because in close families the potential for upset when it all breaks down is horrendous, affecting the extended family very deeply as well. So although the genetics don't change depending on whether you grew up with your cousins, the other issue changes

You only have to look at the figures concerning birth defects in the British Pakistani community to see why it’s not a good idea.

"You only have to look at the figures concerning birth defects in the British Pakistani community to see why it’s not a good idea."

Well no Donut because the issue there is that it happens over and over. One cousin marriage in a family is a completely different thing.

Ew no. Imagine having the same granny as your husband!!

Fucking rank 😷

When I was a teenager in our village there were kids from two different families who both married their first cousins. They had children and they seemed ok, but who knows!!
Nowhere near Norfolk though 😂