Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

Hilarious that CF mum found this thread. There is no excusing her behaviour at all. Shocked so many are having a go at the OP. YANBU in the slightest.

Maddest thread I have read in months.

1. I must have missed the comment about previous form.
2. True but she doesn’t know the OP and perhaps the OP didn’t go out of her way to introduce herself on arrival.
3. How do you know she wouldn’t have been apologetic when she appeared had she not arrived to find the police standing there?
4. She may have ignored instructions or she may have got stuck in traffic or got the time wrong. Her phone battery may have been dead and wasn’t able to take the calls or phone. We don’t know.

I don’t know for sure that she would have stayed. However, I like to think if people are given clear instructions they will follow them but I don’t know for sure she would have. Just like you don’t know for sure that she would have ignored them. The communication wasn’t clear. Had the OP been clearer from the outset this situation may not have arisen.

Wow! Firstly I can say what my experience is of parties - if a mum wants to leave, they leave their number and it is clearly expressed when they will be back. I would never have left the older sibling out, you will have told the staff who was on the list and IMO this is easily changed so no you should not have left the older sibling crying in the foyer. Call the police - no way! Seriously, this could have led to all sorts of issue relating to social services etc. But, the mum screaming at you - IF this whole story is true then you should be shouting at her! Crikey, shit happens and people run late but the person running late is the one doing the apologising.

100% behind you Dumbodog

Dumbodog. Absolutely and I have stated that I think she was wrong on many levels. However you expected parents, who weren’t bringing siblings, to stay for the duration of the party also but you didn’t communicate this clearly in advance.

I think in most areas/locales there is custom and practice over staying with children at parties. It would appear that the other parents custom and practice was to stay so I don't think the OP needed to spell it out - I certainly didn't when hosting for similar age group..

1. I must have missed the comment about previous form.

You did. She was apparently 3 hours late picking up her 3 year old at another party last year.

2. True but she doesn’t know the OP and perhaps the OP didn’t go out of her way to introduce herself on arrival.

She told her 8 year old who to go to if she needed help so she clearly knew who the OP was, nice of you to assume the OP is in the wrong again though for not introducing herself.

3. How do you know she wouldn’t have been apologetic when she appeared had she not arrived to find the police standing there?

The fact she was shouting and bawling at the OP when she called does nothing to suggest she would have been apologetic when she finally decided to pick her kids up.

The communication wasn’t clear. Had the OP been clearer from the outset this situation may not have arisen.

What is there to be clear about? She knew what time the party was, she booked a hair appointment with the full intention of leaving them and she didn't turn up on time. I find it hard to believe an adult who leaves 2 children and doesn't answer her phone for at least an hour is being given so many passes.

The phone wasn't dead, the op wouldn't have continued to call if it had gone straight to answer phone.

She didn't get the timings wrong, she knew what time the party was hence booking the appointment at the same time as the children would be at the party.

If the traffic was so bad surely she should have contacted the OP to let her know or got someone else to collect the children.

Why are so many people so determined to paint the OP as the villain in this situation. Its bloody terrifying that so many are willing to let this women off with abandoning her children!

I’m not painting anyone as a villain and I prefer to give people (on both sides) the benefit of the doubt. I was merely suggesting that it’s wise to state it’s not a drop off party if you expect parents to stay. You’ll see that was the main question in the original post. I never expected parents to stay at my children’s parties and would have hated it if they did. I assume these poor kids won’t ever get invited to another party again. I feel sorry for them. The mum sounds like a fruitcake & a chancer but, let’s face it, there’s one at every nursery/school.

AcerInBloom That is absolutely not the case. What I expect is parents to tell the host if they are dropping kids off, make sure they are contactable, and be there when the party ends. I don't feel like I should give "clear instruction" to a perfectly capable adult who surely has some common sense and decency. When an invite says 2-4, the party ends at 4. Be there at 4 to pick up.

To be fair in my day (90s child) parties were always drop offs and you didn't get to dump uninvited siblings either but then I don't think people had those sorts of parties so young.

Not turning up for your child at the end time is timelessly rude obviously

I was merely suggesting that it’s wise to state it’s not a drop off party if you expect parents to stay

But that's not the issue. If CF mum had dropped the kids and left but returned on time to pick the kids up then there would have been no issue. It's not that she left that's the problem, it's that she didn't return or communicate with OP.

'When an invite says 2-4, the party ends at 4. Be there at 4 to pick up.'

Yes yes and has been said throughout she was in the wrong but so were you.

No one leaves kids in softplay alone waiting for the police. I don't care if your mum was at work, you must've had someone you could've asked to wait with the kids or to collect your other DC whatever. Calling the police shouldn't have even come into it.

Nap basically no one is allowed to throw party unless they are prepared to offer free childcare for the rest off the day

There would have been an issue though because the older kid wasn't allowed into the party room and was left to cry outside.

Older siblings weren't really welcome IMHO.

Also surprised at these very strict staff who wouldn't let one other child go into the party room . It's always been a free for all whenever we go.

The whole siblings at parties these days is pretty weird, who wants to tag along to their siblings party?

I may have missed it but not sure the cf was expected to stay with her 4 year old. She was expected to stay if she was there with another child. That’s common sense, the op had no need to explain that to her.

She was expected to pick up her child when the party ended. I think we can all agree that if you receive a party invite for your child that states the time of the party is 2-4pm, you pick the child up at 4pm. If you’re held up or running late, you contact the host or the venue. You don’t just turn up when it suits you. That also doesn’t need to be explained or written out on the invite.

Cf left her 2 children at a party (only 1 was invited). She didn’t let anyone know she was leaving the venue, let alone she was leaving an additional child there. She was uncontactable, she was very late picking up the child and instead of apologising had a go at the op. Still not seeing why the op is getting a hard time.

you were really just looking for a quick, zero effort party

This is LITERALLY why you pay for a soft play party instead of doing one at home! That's the whole point of them! It's why they even exist!

GucciDay Well I care that my mum had work. You know, that things that pays her bills? Its irrelevant if you don't care...
I had NO ONE to pick the baby up. Why is that so hard for people to understand? We don't all have big families or heaps of friends. No one else wanted to stick around with the kids either.

No one leaves kids in softplay alone waiting for the police.

The kids didn't know the police were coming and the mother is the one who left them not the OP.

I don't care if your mum was at work, you must've had someone you could've asked to wait with the kids or to collect your other DC whatever.

Not even going to comment on this one...in the real world

Calling the police shouldn't have even come into it.

Yeah that's great you continue to let those children be neglected. Don't think about the children who are suffering at the hands of their mother who thinks nothing of abandoning them on multiple occasions.

'Still not seeing why the op is getting a hard time.'

All you've said is true. However the op is getting a hard time for involving the police. No matter how feckless the mother is to have 2 small DC alone at a soft play waiting for the police to arrive is horrible. Obviously there may be worse that goes on at home but when we are actually involved I'd hope another parent would make a better decision than that.

GucciDay Well good for you Gucci! Just because it's been a free for all wherever you go, it must be the same everywhere else.
There was no harm done because she couldn't have a burger. She got over it fairly quickly and continued playing.

'No one else wanted to stick around with the kids either'

Lovely. Nice bit of community spirit. I repeat, the mother was clearly in the wrong but I cannot imagine any child's party I've been to or hosted that calling the police would've even been considered if the parent had left the kids and was late for pick up.

She left the children supervised in the softplay, awaiting their MOTHER. When their MOTHER didn't arrive in a timely fashion to assume custody of her children, only one of whom was invited to the party, and neither of which did she explicitly leave in the known sole custody of OP, the soft play supervisors did as they are required to do, and rang the police. Who after all, have the ability and resources to track down the errant parent, regardless of whether she is having her hair done, playing the pokies or saying her confession. With her phone off.

I'm surprised at how surprised people are that some soft play venues may be stricter on their procedures, and health and safety protocols than others. Personally I infinitely prefer the thought that a soft play will not let anyone other than the person that signed the child in, sign the child out and leave, will not allow a room to be filled beyond capacity, and understand that their employees have to follow the required procedures and protocols or their jobs could be at risk. Just because you think or assume that you could somehow autocratically override such trivial matters, or that your soft play venue would be more relaxed about it, doesn't necessarily make it so - and even if it does, it doesn't make the same true of a different soft play venue.

And while you might not care about OP's Mum's job, Gucciday, that doesn't necessarily mean that OP shouldn't care about her Mum's job. Just because you might have someone else to wait with the kids or collect the other (six month old) DC, that doesn't necessarily make it true for OP.