Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

[GreenandBlueButterfly]

YWNBU. She was uncontactable and you couldn't take those children. The staff did the right thing by calling the police

[lisamac28]

All you've said is true. However the op is getting a hard time for involving the police

OP didn't involve the police though. It was the staff.

[Drum2018]

GucciDay the play centre involved the police, as is their policy when children are abandoned on their premises. The children were abandoned by their mother, not by the op. One of those children should not have been there in the first place and the other was probably as much a stranger to the op as she was to the play centre staff. There is no point trying to make the op feel guilty or insinuate she did something wrong. She did everything right.

[GucciDay]

'OP didn't involve the police though. It was the staff.'

The op left the dc alone, with the staff supervising who contacted the police then?

I'd have asked one of the other mums to wait, or asked a relative or friend to collect other DC. Then bollocked the other mother when she picked up. Not everyone has thousands of contacts obviously but most do have one or 2.

I personally could not have walked out of my child's party leaving 2 small kids alone with staff.

[Uptheapplesandpears]

No one leaves kids in softplay alone waiting for the police. I don't care if your mum was at work, you must've had someone you could've asked to wait with the kids or to collect your other DC whatever.

Ah, another one slagging OP because of something she's made up. OP must have had someone available at short notice, because, well, reasons. You, a stranger on the internet have more idea about her life than she does, and you're willing to berate her over it.

Literally everyone who has stuck the boot in has done so on the basis of something they have invented, or said the OPs mum and her job can just fuck off, or in a couple of memorable cases, both. It's fucking ludicrous.

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

The op left the dc alone

For the 1000th time their mother left them alone, not the OP!

with the staff supervising who contacted the police then?

Another staff member obviously.

I'd have asked one of the other mums to wait

They had all gone home because unlike the CF they stayed with their children and left once the party was over.

or asked a relative or friend to collect other DC.

Not an option as the OP has said numerous times.

I personally could not have walked out of my child's party leaving 2 small kids alone with staff.

Oh the irony this is exactly what their mother did> The OP is in the wrong for doing the same but the difference however is she actually informed the staff they are unaccompanied and that she was leaving, which is more than their mother did.

[Dumbodog]

GucciDay I DO NOT HAVE ANOTHER RELATIVE TO COLLECT BABY DS. I have my DH, my mum and DHs sister. DH and sister both at work on a Saturday and my mum on her way to work. I do not have a big network. My dad is old and frail. DH no contact with the majority of his family. No super close friends who'd be willing to deal with a 6 month old who has a lung condition and a lot of allergies (he's hard work and even my mum will only have him for short periods). He's my responsibility, first and foremost.
No, no one else wanted to hang around waiting for CF mum. Sad fact, but true. Everyone else had their own shit to do. Everyone else took their own children home on time.

[SnuggyBuggy]

I'm guessing some people have a very negative relationship with the police but calling the police here isn't so much to punish CF but to protect the children. They can't just be sent off with a random mum/mug they don't know.

[GucciDay]

'Well what a pity yiu can’t envisage the multitude of situations where calling the police would be entirely the right thing to do'

Oh no, I can imagine scenarios when contacting the police is the right thing to do. Leaving DC alone with staff at your own kids party who then contact the police is not one of them.

I've encountered many a cf over the years regarding kids parties and invites. Always dealt with any problems 1000 times better than this.

[ThanosSavedMe]

We’ll bully for you Gucci. Did you miss all those other posts where op has stated that she had no one else. That everyone had already left. At 4pm, the time when the party finished and all the other parents collected their children on time. Just because you’re obviously a saint who couldn’t abandon children (they weren’t abandoned, they were left in the care of the staff, they were left happy and playing, as stated several times, but hey, why let facts get in the way of harping in about how you would have done it differently and so much better) doesn’t mean that the op was wrong in what she did and I’m amazed that you refuse to see that.

[FrazzledNeedingCoffeeNow]

Wow, this thread is so weird. I will probably get flamed for this, but

A) I am uncomfortable with drop off even for my 6 year old DD (8 and 10 ok). I do it, but usually ask another parent, NOT, party mum (who usually is super busy) to look after her and tell DD in front of the parent. Party mum is last resort, I have done, but very reluctantly.

B) I have my phone on loud. If I get ONE missed call, I worry that something is wrong and return the call immediately.

C) If I was massively late, I would call parent looking after DD, other parents, venue from someone else’s phone if no battery etc as I would be worried about DD getting hurt, walking off, crying.

D) If all above failed and I was late (something major would have happened) , I would be happy to have the police there dedicated to looking after my DD as opposed to more or less responsible venue staff or someone I didn’t know .

Off to google “over anxiety”, OCD and to do some online assessment to see if I need help....

[ThanosSavedMe]

How’s your hair Gucci?

[Uptheapplesandpears]

But unless you were in this exact situation Gucci, with the same constraints as OP in relation to time, childcare, carseats, mother's job, unavailability of other assistance etc, that means absolutely nothing, even if we assume that you're right about you having handled it better.

There's a reason that of the people telling OP she did wrong, the only ones who've offered a solution have done so either on the basis of something they've made up such as spare car seats, partners and relatives, or on the basis of dropping her mum in the shit with her job.

[Dumbodog]

ThanosSavedMe

How’s your hair Gucci?




I have the nursery run to do. I shall be back to repeat myself another ten times, no doubt.

[GucciDay]

'How’s your hair Gucci?'
Sorry?

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

Off to google “over anxiety”, OCD and to do some online assessment to see if I need help....

Nope Frazzled you are normal. Sadly as this thread has shown their are a significantly larger number of people who do not consider your behaviour normal but I assure you it is!

[mbosnz]

I've encountered many a CF with kids birthdays too. At least one of them, I very much regret not having dealt with it exactly as OP did, because in the long run it would have turned out a hell of a lot better for the children involved.

Perhaps Gucciday, you have had a hell of a lot more resources at your disposal that enabled you to deal with the situations you have encountered in a way you deem preferable. Which is wonderful for you, enabling you to feel infinitely superior and more capable, but in no way changes or impacts upon the OP's resources and situation. Which, after all, is what is directly at issue here.

[mbosnz]

How’s your hair Gucci?

[Uptheapplesandpears]

Fear not OP, we're almost at limit. I'd say we can probably only fit shitfits from one or two plausible candidates for the CF mother in disguise, tops.

Unless you start a thread two...