Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

Well, people have done a lot of inventing things to stick the boot into OP. This is just another example.

@SparkiePolastri I never once said mum was in need?

@SparkiePolastri what I was implying was paying it forward.

I’m shocked at your lack of kindness, how could you have left the child like that? Imagine if it were your child. Shocking.

I don't think OP would ever let her child be in that position.

The OP was virtually a stranger to these kids. Would her presence really have helped?

If I did leave a 4 and 8 year old I would not and had an accident I would want the police called so they would be protected.

The police and SS are not demonizing services chasing down parents. Children should not feel frightened of them. In my DCs schooligans they are the ones visiting helping chat about antibullying policies and online issues. Summer fares they bring cars to climb in and sound alarms. We could teach our children that the police are for protection in the community and are human too.

When picked up, what if the DCs said they are regularly left alone? This incident may have helped with a far bigger problem that they face.

@Witchtower - you said the CF was, when she wasn't. At all.

I'm sure the OP is nice to her friends and family in need. Why should she go out of her way and inconvenience herself, her mother and her own DC to facilitate a Cheeky Fucker?

@summertimehere - the OP doesn't need to 'imagine if it were her child'. She wouldn't swan off to the hairdresser, ignore calls and then not collect her kids, so she doesn't need to worry.

This thread is batshit.

OP - YANBU

Lots of posters seem to be on glue.

The children were left playing in the care of staff who now knew they were there without their parent - they were therefore just as safe when the OP left as they were when their mother abandoned them without informing any adults what she was up to. And they were safe when the police turned up, too. Lots of adults caring for their welfare, just none of them were their stupid, selfish mother.

I don't understand why op is getting flack, when their anger should have been directed at their mother who abandoned them without a word, and could not be contacted. The buck stops with her! The op did what she could within her own limits, at no time where the kids left alone without an adult. Quite rightly Police were called by staff, as the children were abandoned by their mother who is their caregiver and she got a telling off from them.

call the police is disgraceful. That could have caused a whole world of shit for the mum

Good! The so-called mum deserves a world of shit for abandoning her kids. Again.

apparently it is because the OP lacks experience of running parties aero and amongst other traits she apparently sadly lacks, should leave an indeterminate of time between the end of the party and her life continuing so she can accommodate all eventualities.

Perhaps if @Dumbodog tries really really hard she may be allowed to host a party maybe in year 3

I actually feel for you op. To begin with I was a bit mmhh about you leaving the DC's there but reading through everything I don't know what else you could have done.

The police's role is not to catch "baddies" it is also to protect the community, these girls were left, by their CF mother not the op, and required looking after. The M had been uncontactable for hours, so I think the only option available to the soft play staff was to call the police to ensure the safety of the children.

If, for some strange reason, it was my child, why wouldn't I be pleased someone called the police? I'd never just abandon them so something must have happened and that would be by far the most appropriate course of action rather than them being taken to someone's house I didn't even know! They weren't being banged up in prison or sent to a workhouse.

Just wow. The lengths some of you will go to to defend an utterly irresponsible and neglectful mother.

This mother dropped off a FOUR year old at a party without informing the host she was leaving the premises. The 4 year old does not know the host. The mother also leaves behind her 8 year old, whom the host does not know is even there, until the 8 year old rolls up to her in tears and tells her her mother told her to approach her for help

The host calls the mother over an extended period but the mother doesn't answer.

Half a hour after the party ends the host has to leave to assume her own responsibilities to her own baby and babysitter mother.

The children are playing happily and the play centre say they will supervise them. If the mother doesn't turn up they will call the police after a certain time.

The mother didn't turn up and the police were called. Children still playing unaware of police involvement.

The mother gets a bollocking from the police for abandoning her children. As she should. She did everything wrong in this situation. Maybe people should focus a bit more on the rights of her children to be treated decently by their own mother. Not defending the undefendable.

From what I could tell it was soft play staff who wanted to call police not OP

She's getting flack because loads of people leave kids at parties and don't want the police called if they're 10 minutes late to pick up

There is a different between letting the host know you're leaving, keeping your mobile on and making an effort to pick up on time and just dumping two kids at a soft play with a virtual stranger and refusing to answer your phone.

I've been to many a soft play party and no-one leaves 3-4 year olds. At least one parent stays, party ends, everyone leaves. No drama.

The mother was clearly massively in the wrong here on several levels BUT you should have stated that children needed to be accompanied by parents to the party. I wouldn’t expect parents of four year olds to stay at a soft play party. I would have had extra help (close friends, aunts etc) on hand to help with twelve children. Otherwise it’s just a play date at a soft play. Who expects parents to give up several hours of their weekend to facilitate another child’s birthday party?!

Your comments (‘they weren’t my responsibility’, ‘I’m some sort of babysitter’ ‘don’t know him from Adam’) suggest you were really just looking for a quick, zero effort party. This woman messed that up. But when you host a children’s party you have to take some kind of responsibility for the guests’ welfare. Doesn’t sound like you wanted this. And you had to be out of that place at 4.15 (45 minute drive to let your mum get to work at 5) so you really needed to be MUCH clearer about your expectation that parents were to stay and that, if they didn’t, you’d be gone by 4.15.

BUT you should have stated that children needed to be accompanied by parents to the party.

How exactly would that help. This parent doesn't sound like the sort to follow advice. She would have done exactly the same as she did even if the Op specified that she had to stay. The OP said that parents sometimes leave the premise for a cigarette or to nip to their cars so this parent would have found a way to leave regardless.

I do love how yet another post has so much criticism for the OP and once again ignores the mother actions. 11 and 1/2 lines of why the op was in the wrong and just 12 words placing blame on the mother...

HeadsDownThumbsUp the other mother isn’t reading this so not really much point going into great detail. It’s quite clear what she did wrong. Perhaps she thought it was a drop off party (fair since it was stated otherwise) so it’s up to her how she spends that two hours so not sure why everyone is making such a big deal about her getting her hair done. The issue is she left another child there, was uncontactable and returned late (perhaps she was stuck in the traffic the OP mentioned or got the timing wrong).

How do you know the mother would still have left if she had been told to stay?

PS the original question of the post was ‘do you not leave kids unattended at a party unless you’ve discussed it with the host first’. My comment was related to lack of communication on both sides...

The play centres I use wouldn’t have even allowed an adult who hadn’t signed children in to them leave with them.

This thread is quite the eye opener. Calling the police/SS is exactly what you do when a parent disappears and then fails to turn up at the correct time and cannot be contacted.

How do you know the mother would still have left if she had been told to stay?

1. Because she has previous form.
2. Because she thought nothing of leaving without informing other adults her other child was also at soft play.
3. Because she was not apologetic when she finally returned.
4. Because she also ignored the specific instructions on the invite regarding the time.

What makes you and others so sure she would have stayed if asked?

Maybe it's just me AcerInBloom, but if you bring an uninvited child with you then I expect you stay and look after them at the very least without having to be told to do so.