Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Why should the OP have stayed? Not her kids and not her responsibility other than making venue staff aware surely?! It’s not as if the other kids mum is nothing other than a vague acquaintance and she was not contactable, she could’ve had an accident, the police were the sensible option.

[Justonemorepancake]

Yes she shouldn't have taken the kids home. Yes calling the police wasn't awful (I would have wsited until 30-60 mins late personally) but I cannot condone leaving 2 children, one just a 4 year old and presuming the other is under 8, without a familiar face while they wait for the police. That would have been traumatising. It was awful of the CF mum to have gone off in the first place but they shouldn't have been left alone. I would have begged my mum to watch the baby for anither half hour or begged another parent to keep the kids company while they waited for police and the mum located.

[Alwaysadramaaa]

Yanbu for thinking the mum is a cf for leaving the children without telling you but yabu for leaving the children at the soft play. Some of the parents left children at my sons 5th birthday last year which I thought was too young to leave personally but I never would of left any of them there without Thor parents picking them up

[MigGril]

I think everyone is giving you a hard time. Come on a mum left her kids at a party DIDN'T TELL the party parent she was leaving. Then DIDN'T TURN UP TO COLLECT THEM. Really who on earth does that.

[Snappedandfarted2019]

I agree with the others I’m gobsmacked you left her in the room whilst everyone ate.

[Dumbodog]

If my mum could have kept the baby longer then I would've waited a bit. But I could've been waiting half an hour, an hour, maybe two... I had no idea where this woman was or if she was okay or coming back!

[katykins85]

She is a cheeky cow alright but not a chance would I have acted as you did! Those poor kids

[LazyFace]

I think you were right leaving them there. What a stupid woman leaving her kids behind without asking (not telling) anyone to look after them and not returning on time.

[RainbowMum11]

The CF Mum was 30 minutes late for her 2 kids at a soft play party (where you know they are strict on time) - without even telling/asking the host, and OP is BU for leaving the,?
She prob didn't have space or car seats for 2 extra abandoned children, and had been trying to contact their mum and had her own baby to collect - it wasn't her issue to deal with because their mum was having her hair done!
Ffs, yes ideally, you wouldn't leave 2 kids without a parent, but it wasn't OP who did that. Wtf wouldn't you check firstly that it was ok to leave not just the invited 4yo but also the uninvited older sibling, but also, knowing that you had a hair appt, that it would even be possible for you ta take them home.
YA completely & utterly NBU

[Witchtower]

I think under the circumstances the staff definitely would have allowed the sibling in the room as they would rather you have that responsibility rather than them. So I think you did that too prove a point, although the one really hurt was the child.
I would have been extremely pissed off having to wait behind for a late mother, but I would have waited. How did the children feel when you left? What did they say? What were their facial expressions like. I feel guilty thinking about.

[elf1985]

I'm completely on your side for this one! That mum could have been in an accident and police was the best choice in a shitty situation. It might not be everyone's choice but I think I would have done the same.

[Believability]

The mother was wrong, totally wrong but you were nearly as bad. You can’t leave child out of the party room, you tell the staff she’s coming in or you arrange another parent to watch her. And to leave the children with the police, words fail me. Your baby could have stayed with your mum and you needed to wait for their mum.

[CardsforKittens]

I think you did the right thing. I assume the older child didn’t really know you, and the mother certainly needed to learn a life lesson! It’s not heartless to refuse to assume responsibility for other people’s children without prior agreement, except in an actual emergency, which this wasn’t.

[Iseewhatyoumeanthistime]

I feel for you OP, why do people feel it is your responsibility to wait for their mum to turn up. What if your own mum had things to do, an appointmeand herself, she wouldn't have appreciated you being late. How long do you wait? What is reasonable 10 minutes, 20 minutes an hour?? Especially when she hadn't even let you know she was leaving them unsupervised AND you had been trying to ring her for over an hour. Anything could have happened to them or her, would people have the same opinion if either of them had fallen or been injured and a doctor / ambulance had to be called... the police would have been called too.
Their mother was very irresponsible and that wasn't your fault. Did you eventually speak to her or anything?

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

When it comes to the suggestion of taking the children home with you - would that even be possible re extra car seats and room in the car?
The op couldn't hang around and wasn't in a position to take the children with her. She did the only thing she could do. Perhaps CF haircut mum might think twice about swanning off and not returning in time.

[boomboom1234]

I am so shocked at how you handled this. Firstly that's horrible to let the older sister cry and be left on her own. I would NEVER leave a child like that I think that's really mean spirited. Surely the soft play place could have allowed her in the room. That just seems like an excuse to me. Secondly you LEFT the children there?! Again I'm shocked. I'm sorry but you should have waited. Yes she was out of order. Massively. But how could you just leave them there? You invited the 4 yr old to the party. I feel it was your responsibility to try to work it out. You should have waited till you knew everyone was home safe and sound.

[Witchtower]

Mum was a CF and OP wanted to prove a point. She allowed her frustration to cloud her judgement on the decent thing to do.

[nanny3]

this happened to me once I waited 5 hours for the cf to come get her daughter

[Singlenotsingle]

Suppose all the parents had just buggered off and left dumbledog to look after their children and take them home? She did exactly the right thing. She's not a childminder ffs!

[donquixotedelamancha]

but you were nearly as bad

OP rang the mum for an hour. She had no way of knowing mum was coming back.

Child neglect and abuse is often not picked up quickly because people minimise and excuse- OP did exactly the right thing by contacting the police.

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

Read the ops posts people!
She couldn't just wait around as she needed to collect her other child from her gp who had to get to work! Does the gp in question have to be late or miss a shift because someone they don't even know cba to collect their children on time?

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Look the OP had to get back to her 6 month old baby as her mum has to go to work.

CF was having her fucking hair done!

OP didn’t know CF was having her hair done.

OP wasn’t aware CF had left the sodding building.

OP could not get a hold of CF.

CF is not a friend, OP knows 4yr old through nursery, I’m assuming has never met the 8yr old before!

CF could’ve had an accident, who knows?

Why should OP inconvenience her Mum/leave her baby for an unspecified amount of time because the CF had delegated her as a babysitter without telling her?!

[anothermansmother]

I round have done the same, if of assumed that the mother had an accident.
At my ds's 6 birthday my friend went to go and get her sunglasses. She lives 5 mins away, when she hadn't returned 30 mins later I called her no answer. After an hour and many texts I called her husband, who left work and went straight around to find she'd had a massive fit. The same could of happened to the mum. Police were the best people to deal with it.

[GustavoRocks]

Personally I applaud you for not taking any bullshit! Yes, the oldest was left out and yes, it may have been scary for the children waiting for their mum but that is all their mother’s doing. Not yours!
Good on you for not standing for the CF behaviour. Far too many people put themselves out in situations like this and the CFery goes on and on. I think the bud was well and truly nipped today!

[GreenHouseKeeping]

I'm slightly in awe of you OP, this is the kind of thing I would secretly love to do but would honestly never have the nerve.

The CF won't be pulling a stunt like this again anytime soon, will she?!