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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:

Veterinari · 06/03/2019 06:01

I think sb74 is the mum - or a similar CF who thinks it’s ok to ditch her kids on someone else, be uncontactable for hours then act outraged when their ‘free childcare’ doesn’t Tow the line.

The children are the mother's responsibility. Not the OP’s, not the soft play staff’s, the mother’s

If she’s upset that the police were called, she should probably learn not to Ditch her kids with people she barely knows for hours with zero communication and switch her phone off. It’s not difficult is it? And her responsibilities to her kids are in no way the OP’s responsibilities - she's A party host for a couple of hours, that’s all, and she has her own DC to prioritise.

myrtleWilson · 06/03/2019 06:01

So if absconder mom didn't turn up until 6pm, was the OP supposed to sit at soft play with the children till then. So her "inexperience" of doing parties according to you actually means she should clear her diary for the rest of the day.
The other mom wasn't 'a bit' late
The other mom had to all intents and purposes disappeared and was not contactable.

If soft play closed at 6pm and the mom hadn't returned, presumably at that time you'd countenance calling the police or should the OP have started adoption proceedings.

Sb74 · 06/03/2019 06:02

I don’t fully believe the ops story. I think it’s blown out of proportion. If the mum had been that late I think there would be more repercussions than a telling off from the police. I bet the op left about 4.10 coz she had to rush back. If I was another parent hearing this I wouldn’t let my kids go to any future parties of ops child as you’re not allowed to be less than perfect and you might have the police on your back. Total overreaction.

Veterinari · 06/03/2019 06:04

If the mother has form for this it’s probably a good thing the police were called. Poor kids being constantly ditched by their mum could probably do with professional intervention, not minimising and covering up by well-intentioned strangers

Lelly0503 · 06/03/2019 06:05

Lol SB so what the children’s own mother did is ‘crap and inconsiderate’ but the OPs actions are ‘unforgiveable’ ? the OP didnt leave her kids behind- their own mother did.

myrtleWilson · 06/03/2019 06:06

to be fair you don't know that there are not going to be any further repercussions - the police may well have also lodged it with SS, nursery have been informed...

Sb74 · 06/03/2019 06:06

No I’m not the mum and I’m not a cf thank you very much. Ive never left my kids at parties until they were around 9. In fact I still stay at some and help the parents, so I’m nothing like the cf mum. I agree the mum was a cf but I think what the op did was very wrong. I hope none of you make these catastrophic mistakes and end up talking to the police for bad party etiquette. Not sure what the term is for that.

Sb74 · 06/03/2019 06:08

You don’t know the kids are constantly ditched?? Anyway, if you think it’s ok to call the police for leaving your kids at a party and picking up a bit late then I’m glad I’m not friends with you. Have fun days!!

Lelly0503 · 06/03/2019 06:09

SB the police were involved because for all intents and purposes two children had been left behind. Say the OP had stayed - she’d had no contact from thier mum at all so the police would probably of ended being called anyway. Would you still be so against the OP if she had waited? She couldn’t physically do anymore by hanging around.

myrtleWilson · 06/03/2019 06:10

For the love of god - you don' know she was "a bit late" do you? Repeatedly using the phrase doesn't make it magically true.... We don't know what time she returned - could have been 4.31, could have been 5.30, could have been later....

Lelly0503 · 06/03/2019 06:11

Why do you even keep commenting when you a) have said you don’t believe the OPs version of events and B) keep responding to your version of events and not what the OP has described?

Sb74 · 06/03/2019 06:13

It’s not normal to leave kids at the venue where you have hosted s party. It’s just not the done thing. The op should have built in contingency time as the host never leaves on time. I feel as though people have not hosted parties saying what the op did was ok? Anyway I’m off. All very odd to me.

Dippypippy1980 · 06/03/2019 06:15

I have to say it’s really brave to host a party for 12 4 year olds alone unless you are certain all parents are staying.

I find the whole kids party thing very stressful - especially when they are so young, it’s a huge responsibility if mums and dads aren’t there.

I got flamed here because I said op should have indicated on the invite she wasnt staying a minute passed 4 and would not be supervising children beyond this point. It did appear from the original info that she had left on the dot at 4 - she had a 45 minute drive and her mum needed to be at work for 5. she seemed annoyed at the other parents for leaving her to it with these kids, but I do think there are responsibilities if you are the party host.

As I have said the mum was totally in the wrong. Poor kids

Sb74 · 06/03/2019 06:18

I read the ops first three posts and that’s enough for me - that’s the version I’m basing it on. the op is just trying to justify her actions. No one knows what really happened so not sure why you’re so adamant the op was right. It’s a really shit thing to do to someone, call the police. It shouldn’t be done so quickly in a situation like that.

Veterinari · 06/03/2019 06:19

I hope none of you make these catastrophic mistakes and end up talking to the police for bad party etiquette.

Do you genuinely believe that the police respond to calls for ‘bad party etiquette’? Of course they don’t - you sound ridiculous. The police responded because there was a clear and obvious safeguarding issue - because the person responsible for the children had abandoned them for a lengthy period of time with zero communication and was uncontactable. One of the children wasn’t supposed to be there at all - it’s a clear safeguarding concern for which the mother is responsible.

And thanks but yes i’m Pretty sure I can avoid the ‘catastrophic mistake’ of bringing an uninvited child to a party, abandoning them with no communication to any responsible adult and switching my phone off for hours. To be honest, it’s not really a course of action that would occur to any reasonable person as being reasonable - strange that you persist in defending it

Veterinari · 06/03/2019 06:21

No one knows what really happened so not sure why you’re so adamant the op was right

And yet you’re so adamant that she was wrong and that neglectful CF mum just made a mistake. Bit hypocritical no?

howwillwedeal · 06/03/2019 06:23

Can't think why CF mum told anyone at the nursery, its the second time of such an incident n a year, think I'd just keep quiet!

Sb74 · 06/03/2019 06:25

The police were told there was a safeguarding issue when really it’s just the host of the party wasn’t prepared to do the right thing and wait with the kids. If it had got to an hour later than planned pick ipnvolving the police might have been appropriate but I would have still stayed with the kids. The op was wrong to leave the kids there. The poor kids were basically in the middle of two people making bad decisions.

myrtleWilson · 06/03/2019 06:28

hahahahaha - the absolute cheek to say this was down to the OP 'not prepared to do the right thing"

I couldn't sleep earlier as was anxious and decided to get up and MN rather than fret - its been a marvellous distraction - thank you Sb74 for your public service

Sb74 · 06/03/2019 06:29

Not hypocritical just saying that there was a drip feed. Why would the op have not mentioned in the first post that the mum had done it before if she had? Doesn’t add up. That would have justified the actions to a point. So I’m doubtful of this.Also surely op would have been prepared for it and if it were me I would have spoken to the mum in advance. It just doesn’t add up so I think op overreacted and tried to justify afterwards.

Witchtower · 06/03/2019 06:30

@Dumbdog I still stand by what I originally said. I would not have left them for various reading I’ve mentioned.

Police are unlikely to be reporting these incidents. If the police were aware of the previous time then they would have acted differently.

If you want to do the children a favour then discuss this with the nursery privately. They spend most of the child’s time with them and if anyone can begin to build a picture then it’s the nursery.

Witchtower · 06/03/2019 06:30

*reasons

whiteroseredrose · 06/03/2019 06:32

Sb74. The OP didn't know that CF had done this before when she first posted. She found out afterwards when other mums were discussing it at nursery.

myrtleWilson · 06/03/2019 06:32

sb - I don't think it was a drip feed - it was news following the party that the DH picked up from the nursery run.

Sb74 · 06/03/2019 06:33

Think what you want but leaving kids behind at a party you’ve hosted is wrong. You should stay with them until you know what’s happened. What if their mum had been in a car accident and they've just been left with police?

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