Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

[ThanosSavedMe]

It it wasn’t at a pool party or a Pizza Hut. You cannot change the facts to fit your narrative.

Have you ever heard the phrase ‘stop digging’?

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

Those poor kids seeing their friends and other parents leave then waiting with staff, seeing police arrive. It's horrible.

Yes it is horrible but for the last time its their mother fault for leaving them. This was her doing and she was in the wrong no matter how much you try to twist it the fact remains.

THE OP IS NOT THE UNREASONABLE ONE IN THIS SITUATION!

[myrtleWilson]

the OP had already factored in time between party ending and mom leaving for work. What she hadn't, understandably, factored in was waiting until at least 5.30 or indeed 7pm as the police called at 5.30 and the CF rang at 7pm. Am not sure anyone would factor in an up to 3 hour holding period would they?

[Uptheapplesandpears]

Ah, the OP should've organised things differently because this level of CFery was only to be expected. I knew that'd be next. Tenner says you've done something like this before Gucci. You're certainly not exhibiting any common sense.

[afrikat]

Honestly, some of the comments on here are insane. OP you did exactly the right thing, all the fault and blame lie with the CF who acted incredibly irresponsibly and I feel sorry for her children

[GucciDay]

'Thank goodness most of us have common sense, and are not some mummy myrtres.'

I have common sense and am certainly not a 'mummy martyr'. Those poor kids seeing their friends and other parents leave then waiting with staff, seeing police arrive. It's horrible.

What if it was pool party or at pizza hut, would the op have just naffed off and left them with pizza hut staff? Yes they'd of course have been safe but surely most people would feel a bit of responsibility when hosting? The mother was clearly in the wrong but when it's your kids party you wait til the last one goes really.

I'd have had a bigger over lap between party ending and babysitter going to work. Although the op probably couldn't have done that either for a reason she'll be about to tell us.

[Aeroflotgirl]

If I did have to wait, I would text mum that "she is not able to be contacted, party has ended and your children need collecting, I am giving you half and hour for you to come and collect them, if not the Police will be called". I would have been livid at CF mum if I had to wait for them, and mum lost her job, I would have ripped a strip off her. Poor kids, I don't think they will get many party invitations after their CF mums behaviour.

[holdon4tomorrow]

I don't think I'd have left the kids to wait with staff for the police, TBF, BUT I'm surprised that other posts criticising OP seem to have forgotten about the existence of others mums at the party, and indeed, the birthday child's own parents? It wasn't OP sole responsibility alone to look after these kids that had been abandoned? She seems to have been the only one who tried to intervene.

I also find it odd it wasn't a collective effort - what were other parents doing when this was going on? If that had happened at one of our parties, there would have been several concerned parents and several would have pulled together to look after the kids and talk to staff. It wouldn't just be left to one parent. I'm speculating though, as OP doesn't mention other parents.

[holdon4tomorrow]

I don't think I'd have left the kids to wait with staff for the police, TBF, BUT I'm surprised that other posts criticising OP seem to have forgotten about the existence of others mums at the party, and indeed, the birthday child's own parents? It wasn't OP sole responsibility alone to look after these kids that had been abandoned? She seems to have been the only one who tried to intervene.

I also find it odd it wasn't a collective effort - what were other parents doing when this was going on? If that had happened at one of our parties, there would have been several concerned parents and several would have pulled together to look after the kids and talk to staff. It wouldn't just be left to one parent. I'm speculating though, as OP doesn't mention other parents.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Thank god it was at the soft play, so that the staff were there to be with them, if it was not, op would have had to stay with them, and mum risk loosing her job over CF wanting a new hair do.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Op carried out the sensible option and left the children with the soft play staff that the mum had signed them into. The staff have procedures that they follow for abandoned children which they quite rightly did. Mum was a CF, but had she fainted or collapsed, because the staff called the Police as part of their proceedure, they could quickly see if anything happened to her and if she was ok. Some people really need it spelling out to them.

[ThanosSavedMe]

I refer you to my earlier comment Gucci. Bully for you.

I suggest you think about the hair question. Other people seem to have understood. Then again they also understand that the op had no choice in her actions. The cf on the other hand, did.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Thank goodness most of us have common sense, and are not some mummy myrtres. I am sure if the kids were entirely on their own, op would not have left them, but they were in the care of the soft play staff, just as strange as op is to them.

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

If I were missing and uncontactable to pick up my child at a prearranged time I would bloody well hope that someone would call the police!

THIS IN SPADES ^ Can you imagine the uproar if the OP had jut waited or as many suggested taken them home and the mother was lying unconscious somewhere or had gotten badly hurt.

No doubt everyone currently berating her for allowing the police to be called would instead be lynching her for not getting the police to look for the mother.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Gucci op had no option, as she had to collect her dd, or her mum would be disciplined. The children were in safe hands and the mum was quite rightly warned.

[iveeatenallthebiscuits]

Christ I keep my phone on in front of me at the hairdresser even during school hours, in case the school rings.

The op did the right thing. Who dumps their kid in what is essentially a public area without telling anyone and leaves? Do some people really not worry about their own kids being ok?!

The op is the only one who made sure the kids were safe, the mum sure as hell didn't.

[mbosnz]

I guess there's lessons here for us all.

1. Not everyone has Maternal Martyrdom syndrome, and will willingly abdicate their duties to their own children and family because someone else has taken the proverbial.

1. Not everyone has the same resources upon which to call in the case of an unforeseen situation arising out of someone else having abdicated their legal and moral responsibilities to their children. Not everyone has friends or family able or willing to step in and fill a void. For instance, we have precisely nobody in this country, within a 30 mile radius, and even outside of that, only very distant family connections, and acquaintances.

1. Not everybody has a horror of allowing procedures to be followed, and allowing the authorities to do the job they have the resources, right, and responsibility to do.

1. Best not to dump and run - leaving one extra child no-one knows anything about, not having informed anyone that you are leaving both children without parental supervision, without being contactable. Or you might get a wee surprise when you do eventually deign to swan in and collect the children that you have the responsibility to ensure suitable provision for their care and supervision. Which the above does not constitute fulfilling.

[Uptheapplesandpears]

So you'd have got your mother into trouble with her employers instead? Nice. Easy enough to have high principles when other people are bearing the cost of them, I suppose.

[CardsforKittens]

There's a reason that of the people telling OP she did wrong, the only ones who've offered a solution have done so either on the basis of something they've made up such as spare car seats, partners and relatives, or on the basis of dropping her mum in the shit with her job.

Yes. They’re also bizzarely attached to the idea that calling the police is the worst thing a person can do if a child’s parent is missing and incontactable. If I were missing and uncontactable to pick up my child at a prearranged time I would bloody well hope that someone would call the police! But then, I wouldn’t be at the hairdresser ignoring my phone.

[GucciDay]

'We’ll bully for you Gucci. Did you miss all those other posts where op has stated that she had no one else. That everyone had already left'

Yes everyone was at work. No other friends, no other family, the other parents all left en masse together. I have read that the op says she had no other option.

I'm saying that regardless of cf parents when it's your own kids party I would not have done that.