Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

Yes of course she did.

if their mom had been in a car accident the police are exactly the right people to step in and sort our care for the children. THe OP is not in a position of authority to do that is she?

It’s quite concerning how many people think it’s ok to leave kids behind after their party. Very glad my circle of mums isn’t like that and support each other. Shit happens people are sometimes late. Not the end of the world. Don’t believe the mum left the kids for 3 hours in the past it’s just bs.

A lot of drip feeding has happened. A lot information which would have supported OP decision if she had initially posted it.
It was cold.

My god are you for real? You think it’s ok that kids are just left with police and then find out their mum’s in hospital? The moral compass on here is very scewed. Morally you shouldn’t leave kids behind not knowing what’s happened to their mum. Obligation and responsibility has nothing to do with it. It’s about doing what’s right.

Right Sb74, I'll just leave DD on your doorstep while I go for my spa day because you will "do the right thing" rather than call the police because a child has been carelessly abandoned.

*seven201 The nursery are aware, although I hadn't thought to tell them. Parents were talking about it yesterday and DS's keyworker asked about it. Not sure if they will be doing anything with the information but they do know.

Haven't heard from CF at all. DH didn't see her at nursery today either. Generally all parents outraged at what she done and totally on my side, not that there's a side to pick. But would have done the same in the circumstances is what I mean.
One mum told DH that CF pulled the same at a party about a year ago (DS only started this nursery in August) and the party child's parents also called police as she didn't arrive for 3 hours and they had no contact details for her. Don't know anymore than that. Could have been the first time, could have been the tenth.*

I personally think this is being handled very badly, the school don't seem to be taking it seriously, if they were surely they'd be asking OP and not her DH.

Second incident and it just seems to be play ground gossip. All parents talking about it!

The poor children involved in this.

Well that’s a pathetic example isn’t it?? Not the same thing at all. I can’t be bothered to discuss this with people with such low morals. Actually I would help anyone in need and I have done because I’m a kind decent person who has morals. Anyone who thinks it’s ok to leave two childrdn in that situation is not someone I’d be interested in knowing. You can all be selfish together.

Right Sb74, I'll just leave DD on your doorstep while I go for my spa day because you will "do the right thing" rather than call the police because a child has been carelessly abandoned

Why do people always post this type of ridiculous statement? Are you the type of parent that would be happy to do that then? Do you think that if you could get someone to take care of your child in that way you would? Is it only the threat of police action that stops you? For me, I wouldn't want to do this, would t matter if they could "get away with it", I know that my child was unhappy and just palming them off wasn't my thing. If you left your kids on my doorstep (assuming I knew you, would r where the children came from and like OP had a contact number) I'd be having a serious word with you.

If you are looking for people you can leave your kids with that won't call the police, you will find some. Hope you enjoy your time off.

Lol 😄

My god are you for real? You think it’s ok that kids are just left with police and then find out their mum’s in hospital?

Umm yes. Because police will track down next of kin and ensure that the children are appropriately supported by appropriate family - not just whisked away by a ‘well-meaning’ adult that they barely know in some parody of virtuous fake-fostering!

Op I think you did the right thing. I can’t understand the grief you’re getting.

So often on mn people say you should contact the police or ss to say that children been abandoned, someone here has done that and is getting grief.

Cf has obviously never come across anyone who has stood up to her before. Good for you. She won’t try it on with you again.

My god. Unbelievable. I’m gping. What a sad world we live in. Let’s hope your kids aren’t in a similar situation one day and the only comfort they have is the police. Very very weird views.

Of course I wouldn't, if I wanted to swan around having hair appointments and spontaneous spa days with gay abandon I wouldn't have had a baby. Dumping your kids like CF is irresponsible and risky as fuck and it's really important to alert relevant authorities when you see this behaviour.

It may feel like "doing the right" thing but enabling CF behaviour like this just makes things worse for the kids because it reinforces CFs belief that their behaviour is ok.

Let’s hope your kids aren’t in a similar situation one day

As I said upthread - i’m Reasonably confident that I can avoid abandoning any children with strangers for hours whilst I switch off my phone and get a haircut. It’s not something i’m Going to worry about. Thanks for the good wishes though

@sb74 if you ever feel like being shocked about people’s behaviour, then MN is the place.

I’ve noticed that many people are quite selfish in their actions. Sometimes I think they may have the right idea. But I still put the needs of others first, no matter the inconvenience. I guess I hope that one day if I am in need there will be people who are willing to support me, strangers or close friends/family.

I would not have left those children. Regardless what others have said OP was a familiar adult and approved by mum so they trusted her.

Not read the whole thing OP but you did the right thing by following the abandoned child/late pick up procedures of the soft play. The mum had disappeared and you couldn't get hold of her. You can't temporarily foster children you don't know! Ideally you would have been able to stay until the police arrived but you had other commitments. The whole thing is bonkers.

@Witchtower - the CF wasn't 'in need'?!

She was getting her hair done.

Sb74 I didn't know the mum had done this before. DH was told that yesterday by someone who was not at the party.
God forbid mum had been in an accident. Was I supposed to take the kids home and keep them until someone came looking for them? I have no contact details other than their mum's phone number. I'm not really equipped for taking two completely strange children to me home.

howwillwedeal It was not DH that discussed it with the key worker, it was me. I have no idea if they are going to use the information for any reason because it's not my business and, rightly, no one will tell me if SS are involved. I have only went by what CF mum said on the phone. I don't know that the police or nursery haven't contacted SS.

When I was teaching if children weren't collected and no contact had been made the head contacted social services to collect the child.

School isn't child care. If an emergency arises the parents must contact the school but have to make arrangements for the children, not expect the staff to stay on indefinitely. They have families as well and children waiting to be collected.

The right thing to do is contact SS or the police.

A person who is advocating a course of action that could've put OPs mum's job in danger is not a person who occupies any of the moral high ground.

My god are you for real? You think it’s ok that kids are just left with police and then find out their mum’s in hospital

Yes that is normal protocol, that would happen in schools or nurseries if the parents cannot be contacted. Police are trained professionals who will be able to deal with this appropriately, not op who hasen't got a clue. They would be able to track the mother down if she is in hospital, and get the appropriate care in place for the kids or contact other agencies who would. Op taking the kids off the premesis where they were signed into the Softplay care by their mother is completely wrong, op can be in a heap of trouble if she takes them home.

Another poster did this, and was berated by the CF mother who had to travel all the way to op house to collect the kids, no doubt this CF mother would be doing that. What op could have done was text mum " hi I cannot contact you as you are not picking up, if you are not at X softplay by half hour, I will leave them in the care of softplay staff who will call the Police, as I have to collect my baby"

Let’s hope your kids aren’t in a similar situation one day

Assure you it will never happen, as I am a responsible parent and would have had a conversation with op, and agreed to drop off my kids at the party, given my number, and the time (which is the end of the party) that I will be back. I will have my phone on me, in case party mum calls. God forbid I faint of collapse, than the Police will be called, who will hopefully track me down, and dh to look after the kids.

OP, you were put in a horrible situation and you did the best that you could.
Imo it's bad form to drop and run with a 4 year old, even if you do seek the hosts permission. The only time you should do that is if the child knows the host well and is comfortable without a parent, plus the host is happy to take responsibility of another 4 year old.
But that isn't what happened here. This CFery was absolutely premeditated. She would have known the time of the party when booking her hair appointment. She snuck in like a ninja, not only dropping the invited child, but also abandoning her other child. And yes I do believe she abandoned them. She didn't tell or ask op, she didn't tell the staff.
The play centre should not be allowing other people to take children home without parents permission. Imagine the news headlines if the worst had happened? They were right to hang onto them and call in the police. No one knew where their mum was and had been unreachable for some time. Cf knows shes a cf, thats why she didnt answer her phone. I expect she was well aware of the finish time and knew how late she would be. OP doesn't actually know what time the CF decided to swan back and collect her kids as the play centre refused to update her. She may have been 40 minutes late, she may have been and hour and a half late.
I feel for the older child not being allowed in the party room, perhaps if CF had been honest from the start something could have been done. We don't know if she had eaten, or had a drink. But that's not OPs fault. I probably would have got her a sandwich or light meal if I had the cash. An 8 year old is old enough to advise of allergies. But hindsight is a wonderful thing and op did not know how this would play out at this stage!
Let's just hope that these kids are ok and will get help if it's needed

For the hard of thinking:

The police phoned OP at 5.30, CF phoned later again.

You think she turned up at 4.30 and then they all just waited to ring OP at hourly intervals? She quite clearly didn’t turn up half an hour late. OP stayed half an hour extra at the end.